Discuss Story Bible 1.0 Here

[Jeff Gerke]

If you haven't done so already, please read Story Bible 1.0--Part 1 and Story Bible 1.0--Part 2 up in the Guidelines subforum.

Those are locked messages so you can't comment on them there.

Let's talk about them here.

So what do you think? What is missing that needs to be in the story bible?

Most importantly, what needs to happen to get us from the story bible to actually writing scenes and chapters for Act I?

Jeff

[dulci]

Well, for better or worse, here's my master evil plan to destroy our story... ;D Well, okay. No master and no evil, just my observations. Feel free to blast them to pieces.

I took a look-through and the first thing that really stood out to me was that I think the characters and the story really need to be brought into harmony with eachother.

--Qali definately needs bringing "up to speed." I ended up having to make extensive character notes when figuring the synopsis, so I can try and put that up to harmonize him. Eek, I didn't realize how much I'd diverged!!!

--Aoni seemed pretty static, I don't think we need to change much there.

--Vanglor might need a little tweaking, but probably more work on the backstory. Here's where we might need some development on the government. Also needs an "onscreen" view. I'm also wondering if we shouldn't give Vanglor magic - as in Jeff's sceming wizard lords. Or perhaps designate someone in his court that would fit this - I think magic needs to be played a little stronger here.

--Prupheen also seems pretty static, again might need some more backstory, a reason why he's such a slime, a more emotional element?

--Kata also needs quite a bit of harmonizing work, probably more motives, an "onscene" view.

Another thing I noticed was the name of the logic-drug, Mkata, is nearly identical to Kata. One or the other could probably use a change!

I think, in my honest opinion, in the story bible we also need good working descriptions of:

1) Magic and its rules and limitations
2) Key settings that we'll revisit often
3) The fantasy world - key historical, ecological and cultural points
4) The humans - their place in the Galaxy and history/culture
5) All religions involved
6) All languages involved and the means to communicate between them
7) Space travel and key related technology
8) Timescales: what is the planet's timescale (how long each day) and what is the accepted universal timescase used across the galaxy - also, how long does space travel take
9) The city/mining ships, and any other space ships

I really think we need to at least come up with bare minimal guidelines of these things before we can start writing.

What say you?

[dulci]

Oh, and I got a bit confused and had to hunt--the story bibles are in the Guidelines forum!

[Jeff Gerke]

Oopth. Fixed.

[saul102]

Question... Can we get more of a descriptive on how the Kalorbi look? When they are described as "humanoid" does that just mean two arms, two legs, one head, etc.?

or...

Are their legs inverted, since they have the capability to glide/fly? Are their facial features the same as ours other than the inability to blink? Do their eyes look the same as ours, or are they black and bird/fish like? Is their skin moist and eel-like, since they live in a very moist environment? Do they have hair or scales? 10 fingers and 10 toes?

Sorry for all the questions. I am just trying to get a good mental picture of what is envisioned here...

[saul102]

Also... Perhaps I didn't read closely enough, or have not dug into the forum enough, but are all of the characters in the the Story Bible human? Some are identified as such, and others are not specified. Are their any main characters that are Kalorbi?

It may be a good idea in the character descriptions to have a note next to each characters name that denotes whether they are human or alien, and which world they are from. Just a thought...

[dulci]

I've been assuming that Qali is Kalorbi. I think most other miners would be human. As far as the fantasy people, I'm not entirely sure what they are. Are they human? Or maybe the miners are not human if that is the case, but some unknown, unspecified race...

As to what the Kalorbi look like...

I was assuming humanoid means 2 arms/legs one head with a face. How weird we want to take it beyond that is open to any and every interpretation at the moment.

I dunno, what sort of physical attributes might they have with their culture? Most scifi development at this point asks "how did their species evolve?" and tags the features and attributes on from there, but we're working from a different convention here...

[dulci]

QUESTION: Do we add more descriptions and hashings here or in the other appropriate forums?

[Jeff Gerke]

I think it would be best to do all the hashings here for now. In the spirit of the story bible--keeping it all in one place.

Jeff

[saul102]

dulci said:

As to what the Kalorbi look like...

I was assuming humanoid means 2 arms/legs one head with a face. How weird we want to take it beyond that is open to any and every interpretation at the moment.

I dunno, what sort of physical attributes might they have with their culture? Most scifi development at this point asks "how did their species evolve?" and tags the features and attributes on from there, but we're working from a different convention here...

Would it be safe to assume that they have more of a proclivity for the air than for the water? It seems that in the bible it said they did some oceanic exploration, but that they preferred the air, so one would assume that their physique is somewhat aerodynamic?

I am asking, because I want to do up some sketches that could possibly be used as reference material...

[dulci]

I think it mentioned in the bible that the Kalorbi NEED open air or else their wings go brittle, so yes, I guess they're given to the air. I would think that they use and utilize their aero capabilities as in fighting, and it was mentioned that they also prefer to travel in open air (via some type of transport platform) so that would probably lend to an aerodynamic-ness too.

[saul102]

On my break at work today I quickly threw together the render below based on the following descriptions of the Kalorbi homeworld...

"...hostile and beautiful"
"...towering structures from beams straight out of the ocean's floor"
"...needle-like protrusions out of the water"

To me it helps to have a visual, so I am trying to come up with some that might be used as reference. If we need to move this to another thread, or you just want me to give it a rest already, let me know.

I know it is pretty basic, but I am just going for the feel right now...

graphicbalance.com/Kalorbismall.jpg

EDIT: Removed picture and replaced with link to image

[dulci]

Oo that's awesome! Yeah, it does help to have a visual. BUT - you probably should post a link to the image (the admin's orders...)

I wonder if the Kalorbi wouldn't have more surface area, though - as in the description they like their room to move around. Like big saucers or platforms resting on top of the needles, maybe the illusions of whole cities connected and "open air" above the water. They'd probably also need that for space and area transportation...?

[dulci]

I've been thinking about the magic and think we need to determine some specifics.

Maybe:

--In this culture, is magic considered exclusively good or evil, or if it's accepted on both sides are there accepted forms of good and evil magic?

I got the impression from the "scene" in Aoni's description that the fantasy people are very superstitious, so maybe magic is viewed with a distaste - maybe like how the Scottish view the "wee people"...?

--How powerful is the magic? We already know that it gets stronger as the people get closer to the Relic. But how strong (how does it manifest) and how strong was it before?

--Are there any special qualifiers to the magic, like a genetic anomaly, certain skills, or maybe specific bloodlines?

Me, I think it'd be neat to have it that certain known bloodlines have more deftness with magic than others. Maybe whole armies would be made of these certain bloodlines and there is a social caste system in place revolving around this. I'm thinking of the reference as Aoni being a "Fega" - maybe a caste known to have more magic, or a specific type of magic, i.e. healing.

--How is magic to be represented? In the traditional mage-wizard sense, or conversely, more like Karen Hankock's system of miracles and spirit-ness rather than strict magic?

While I think a more unconventional system might be cool, I think at this point in developement, it might be hard to come up with something on the fly. Unless brilliant inspiration hits, I think we should stick to accepted conventions. I do think, though, that for the purposes of this story, that the magic might not be a spell-casting magic (or exclusively, anyway) but rather a more intuitive call-at-will magic...?

Suggestions??? This isn't really my known territory - I'm more of a scifi reader/writer!

[dulci]

Modifications to Qali:

(Mods in italics)

[glow=red,2,300]Qali Shayr[/glow]

Qali is a type of wildcard - no one can quite peg him. He's a mercenary-type who seems to move only for his own use, but there are hidden undercurrents that he hides well. He would most likely be working for the "bad" factions, but have tendencies to do his own thing for his own motives to help the "good." So no one on either side really completely trusts him, neither do they write him off as harmless. He has blackmail tendencies on both sides.

Qali is Kalorbi: wiry and compact for his height (he would be considered medium-short height for Kalorbi, which is around 7 ft.) with wing portrusions on his arms and shoulders and attached to his legs. Half of Qali's face is blue, a wide-swatch diagonal tattoo that cross-cuts his face from left temple, across eye and nose-bridge to the bottom left of his chin - a remnant of an assasin's gang past. He has short-cropped hair, very peircing and unyeilding ice-blue eyes. Square jaw, scarred chin. Qali can also smile, though, and be everything charming - when it suits his need. (I'm not sure all this would FIT a Kalorbi...but I'll leave it as it helps the visualization.)

Qali is a user of the logic drug. This drug does not eliminate all emotion as its name implies, but rather focuses and "logicizes" the dominant emotion, which is, in Qali's case, anger. When under the influence of this drug, he maintains a constant non-emotive composure, which only serves to accentuate his harsh, cold demeanor. He was not always this way, though.

Qali was once a member of the Reactionary faction of his people, untouched by the widespread use of the logic drug. He came from centuries-old nobility, although his family had fallen from governmental grace almost as many centuries before.
Qali was a quiet man, contemplative, poetic. He was a bard in his own right, and found great satisfaction in music. In fact, his great desire was to be a part of the Primera Orchestra, the performing faction for the ruler of the time.

He met and married a fellow musician, and had two daughters to his wife. He loved his wife very much, but her family's obsession for finding the mythical Relic went far beyond acceptable reverevce and was the subject of an ongoing vein of bitterness between them. This came to a catastrophic head when Qali's wife and daughters went with her family on one of their searches while Qali was on a performance schedule. All in the expedition were killed in a ship-related accident.

To supress his pain and murderous anger, Qali turned from his family's purity and embraced the logic drug, becomming first a part of the raiding "infantry" gangs before his reputation and skill bought him recruitment from the Kalorbi Hierarchy. He then was trained in espionage and was used as an agent, in his own capacity in organizing security. Qali works with and for the government because it suits his purposes, but he is truly loyal to no one but himself.

Qali's motivation is mostly subconscious: he longs for a resolution to and healing of his wounds. Even in the logic drug his anger drives him. His greatest fear is to not have his drug, as he knows that he will again feel the pain that almost drove him mad.

Qali's supreme goal is to find the Relic that destroyed his family and destroy it. When he was in the roving gangs, he focused his need for revenge on the Reactionaries. But when the government recruited him and he learned that in the miner's circles he might have a chance to find the Relic himself, his whole focus became biding his time until he can find and destroy it.

Qali's disposition is like a gathering storm. He will brood for days, even months, waiting for just the right moment to enact his purposes. And then he will strike, quick as lightning, before retreating again into the clouds. He is cold, a killer, and while under the logic drug will stop at nothing to get his vengeance.

Qali needs to learn, though, that there are higher things beyond his vengeance, and that there is some purpose to the pain that he hides from.

Now, picture a dark, cavernous warehouse, set low among the points of a spired city. An official sends three men to Qali for a job, and he meets them, brazenly without disguise, in the semi-light of the grimy place. Qali waits beside one of the supporting roof-poles, in silence, for the three to approach and still does not say a word as they stand before him. He despises their hooded faces, but does not show it.

"Be frank," he says, startling the three.

"Our master sends word to you, Qali Shayr."

Silence.

"He wishes you to find a way to eliminate the third consul."

More silence. One of the three extends a tube to Qali.

"This is the cartol. Three-fourths pint. One fourth more than you requested for payment."

Now Qali flips his short whip out, slapping hard the pole next to him and making all three thugs jump.

"Leave the vial. The job will be done," he says, then walks out without another word, in complete and unargued control.