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Post by jfranklin on Dec 19, 2009 15:01:00 GMT -5
Any thoughts?
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Post by The Blue Collared Philosopher on Dec 19, 2009 21:29:54 GMT -5
That was very interesting! I like how you wrote it. It is different, and takes a second to get used to, but i like how you made it an interview without describing the person doing the interview.
There are a few little things that i would like to point out. At one point you say: "As I have mentioned before, Satan is nothing if not smart."
Several times you do this, you almost use a double negative. I'm not sure how to explain it, but, "Satan is nothing if not smart." It is correct, but if you read out loud, it sounds odd. I would change it. You do that several times throughout the...prologue, short story.
Other than that, it is great. It has some interesting theological thoughts to it, but as it is a fictional story and not a theology book, i think it works.
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Post by jfranklin on Dec 20, 2009 12:33:57 GMT -5
Many thanks.
I intentionally left some errors like that because English is not the characters primary language. In the novel, the reader will catch the ID of the prologue/SS character pretty quickly although the main character will not know for quite a while.
This was based on a guy I met those English was very interesting to listen to, although it was difficult at times. He was quite the ... character. His primary language is Arabic and Italian. His meter, usage, lack of contractions, and circular logic was fascinating to watch. I know that the problem is that it doesn't always translate in writing, but I tried. This is an area that I am trying to improve.
Again, many thanks for the feedback. Comments, compliments, and complaints are always appreciated and taken seriously. I try hard to learn from them. :-D
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Post by jfranklin on Dec 23, 2009 12:17:06 GMT -5
In light of Jeff's sticky above, I've decided to take down the story. Admin, if you do not mind, please delete the thread.
Many thanks to those taking time to read te story. Big shout out to Gredruin for the feedback!
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Post by The Blue Collared Philosopher on Dec 23, 2009 17:37:03 GMT -5
hey, no problem. I love feedback, so i figured you'd love it too!
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