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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 1, 2008 18:52:33 GMT -5
I'd welcome thoughts on this. It's pretty brief, but wanted to see about its effectiveness. This is the prologue to the second novel in my epic fantasy series. (The title is WORLDS BEYOND THE WELL).
PROLOGUE
Is this another dream?
I see Maurin weaving his way through the underbrush, a primitive spear clutched tightly in his hand. Sweat beads on my cousin’s face, and drips onto the broad-leafed plants that line the jungle.
It won’t be long now.
I can feel the thing’s presence; the woods fairly reek of its habitation.
All around is twisted and dying foliage; the trees, vines, and plants all suffer from some malady that grows in intensity as the strength of the oppressive Shadow grows nearer. It’s as if the forest is being drained of life, the color and vibrancy sapped in equal measures from all the surrounding vegetation, turning them to gray mockeries of their former selves.
It’s close. I can feel its quiet, probing insistence, that questing sense of quasi-awareness that always seems to ask:
Friend?
Foe?
Prey…
I can feel a prickle skitter up and down my spine. It knows Maurin is here. I see him swallow nervously. Is that breathing I hear up ahead? No, it can’t be. I know these creatures have no need of respiration. And yet, they seem to do pretty much whatever they please. Perhaps it pleases this one to breathe. It seems to be getting heavier, louder.
Maurin frowns, trying to concentrate, to remain invisible.
With a sudden shriek and a blur of movement, a large, sinuous shadow flies from the underbrush, straight at his face…
Mercifully, I wake—heart racing, sweat pouring. It is a dream, but I know better now than to think that’s all it is.
No, it’s not only a dream.
It’s only the beginning.
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Post by scintor on Apr 1, 2008 20:30:31 GMT -5
You really like your dream sequences, don't you Rob? Are you foreshadowing the Reamar city or is this something else? I have a hard time latching on to this passage for some reason. Maybe it's because of my blindness.
I think that it needs to be fleshed out quite a bit if the intent of the passage is to convey emotion. I just seem to get get just the ghost of a feeling, and not the whole thing.
Buy I'm a pain today.
Scincerely,
Scintor@aol.com
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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 1, 2008 23:58:53 GMT -5
The dream sequences/visions were at the heart of the first novel. They tied in with who Aric was, and who he was meant to be. This theme is going to be expanded upon as the series progresses. The only real emotion I was going for was a vague sense of dread. To answer the question of whether this is a foreshadowing of the Reamar temple, no, it is not.
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Post by scintor on Apr 2, 2008 17:35:53 GMT -5
To answer the question of whether this is a foreshadowing of the Reamar temple, no, it is not. I didn't think so, but the description seemed very similar.
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Post by pixydust on Apr 3, 2008 0:16:43 GMT -5
The reason the feeling is hard to connect with in this passage is because it's not happening to him. It's all happening to someone else. Is there a reason he can't be the one in danger? Watch the dream prologue thing. Beginning with a dream can backfire on an author as editors see it so much. And prologues are generally frowned upon. But seeing as this is the second book, maybe all that's moot. Just thought I'd mention it.
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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 3, 2008 1:12:52 GMT -5
Hey, Jeff likes prologues! LOL Yeah, I didn't care for the fact that the dreamer is watching someone else's moment of danger, either. The only thing is, it can't be the dreamer who's in danger (for plot reasons). Since I start the first novel with a dream--not a prologue, I might add--in which the dreamer is in danger, it would be a bit redundant anyway. I could eliminate the prologue altogether, but then the first chapter begins with a young woman waking up from a coma, which didn't strike me as a particularly exciting way to start the novel. The difference in the dream sequences in my novel and the dream sequences in a number of other novels I've read is that they are a form of visionary foreshadowing. Rather than waking to "oh, it was only a dream," it's supposed to be more like, "uh-oh ... he's dreaming again." Incidentally, what are people's feelings on "What has come before" sections prior to the novel proper? I'm ambivalent; I feel that novels should be able to catch the reader up in fairly short order. On the other hand, that does involve a fair amount of rehash, so when does it become necessary for long passages of exposition vs. interspersed knowledge?
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Post by Jeff Gerke on Apr 3, 2008 7:40:44 GMT -5
Beginning a chapter or even a book with a dream is a fiction cliche, especially if you want the reader to think it isn't a dream but then you have the character wake up in bed. Blech. (Yes, we see it all the time, so it's not wrong; but we see it all the time, which makes it a cliche.) See Tip #39.
You could always write for the prologue some other moment or scene that sets the tone and/or introduces the main character (Tip #15) and/or gets the time-bomb to ticking (Tip #20).
I haven't heard that prologues are frowned upon, but I would venture to say that's kind of a silly thing for an editor to say. Sometimes editors say things like that when they're looking for reasons to reject a proposal. But if they were to find an incredibly written book that had a prologue they wouldn't reject it because "prologues are frowned upon." They'd rush to the publishing committee, and no one would bat an eye b/c of the prologue.
About "Previously on Battlestar Galactica" sections: I actually like them. If this is a middle book in a series, especially if it begins with all kinds of situations and people in complicated mid-crisis, then a "previously" section is very helpful for grounding the reader. It saves you from having to invent all kinds of dumb puppets and other ways to bring a new reader up to speed within the story. Just try to keep these sections short (like 1 page) or you'll get those massive, chapter-length "previously" sections we saw in the Left Behind books. Those, I felt, were too long. Though they were helpful.
Jeff
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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 3, 2008 14:40:45 GMT -5
Interesting. I have some three thousand plus books on my shelves, and I can think of maybe one that uses that technique. Perhaps they're more common in manuscripts than they are in published books? I'm not terribly concerned about its being cliche, based on the reaction in my writers group (they thought at first it might be, until they read further). Still, it's something to consider.
I've never been overly fond of "previously" sections, but I definitely see their purpose. I'm wondering if it's possible to blend the notion of a prologue and a "previously" section, and have a brief summary given, in, say an ancient text narrative, or something.
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Post by Jeff Gerke on Apr 4, 2008 7:49:48 GMT -5
You can do that if you wish, but I would urge you not to. If you do it in a preface or Author's Note, the reader won't mind that it's done in a straightforward, nonfiction style. If you try to include it in the story you'll be halting your momentum to ask readers to read backstory. Which in my vocabulary is known as telling.
Do it in a "previously" section and it will be seen as outside the story. The reader doesn't have to read it if she doesn't want to. Do it inside the story and you risk boring a reader who just wants to get on with the action.
But, again, this is a stylistic question, not an issue of right and wrong. Do it the way that seems best to you.
Jeff
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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 4, 2008 9:44:23 GMT -5
Eh, it was just a thought. So far, the story has survived without one, but I don't know to what degree a neophyte would be able to grasp the various complexities of the first novel if he/she had not read it first. Good point about its being seen outside the story. Maybe I could just abridge the synopsis I've been using to peddle this beast around.
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Post by pixydust on Apr 11, 2008 13:07:04 GMT -5
Well, if Jeff likes prologues... I would suggest writting the whole ms and then coming back and making sure you need a prologue. Sometimes when we're writing certain things (like first chapters that eventually get cut) it's just a part of the process. Our mind needs to get it onto the page for us to fully understand everything that's about to happen. Prologues are not always good in some of the ABA circles I hang in. I think spec editors just get sick of seeing them done wrong. But don't worry too much about all that until you've finished the ms, she says as she looks at her horribly low word count for the day. I agree with Jeff on the DON'T DO IT! front:
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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 12, 2008 3:12:52 GMT -5
I've heard the thing about avoiding prologues (the idea being that your first chapter should be enough to capture the reader's attention without them). I've also seen a number of published authors who use them regularly. So I guess that the rule of thumb should be, avoid them when you can, use them when necessary. *shrug* Very strange. I suppose the nice thing about them is that they can set up a situation quickly without taking away from character development or major plot time. The in-universe recap was an idea I got after reading the ones in the beginning of Bryan Davis's Dragons in our Midst novels. I thought it was a clever idea, but I also realize that it wouldn't work for every story. I'm going to have to read Robert Jordan's series to see how he manages to do it. George R. R. Martin doesn't bother; he has a prologue that features a peripheral character, and an epilogue that usually does the same, but every chapter focuses on a different character. (I really like that technique, but I also realize it wouldn't work for every story.) Karen Hancock just picks up where the last story left off, and fills in as she goes. So far, that has been my practice, but we'll see how that goes. So, back to the original post: Would this be more effective if I were to remove personal names and recognition? "I see a young man..." etc.? It's the only first person, present tense scene in the novel (most of the dreams/visions tend to be woven in with the story proper, because that is how this character lives--they are as much a part of him as breathing, though he wishes it were otherwise). I thought it gave the prologue a sense of immediacy, but like Artoo, I have been known to make mistakes ... from time to time.
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Post by Jeff Gerke on Apr 14, 2008 7:55:50 GMT -5
Aw, just write it, divides. Don't fret over the shoulds and should-nots about it. Write it the way you want. If you or your readers (or agents and editors) dislike it, then think about changing it later. But it's better to get it written, even if you're going to change it later, than to be paralyzed by trying to get it perfect the first time.
Jeff
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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 14, 2008 13:38:21 GMT -5
Diana Gabaldon's editor told her to "write it as you think it should be; we'll worry about editing later." That made quite a bit of sense to me. But that doesn't mean I won't at least try to get it right the first time! lol Thanks for the input, everyone.
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Post by newburydave on Nov 21, 2008 10:10:24 GMT -5
OK guys here's a bit of a personal testimony.
I got roped into the idea of becoming a Christian Spec. Fic. Author by a book by David Webber published by Baen books. I picked up the hardcover novel at a thruft store for $1.00 and it all started to come together.
Webber is one of the Dean's of Space war and fantasy noveling. He starts all of his novels with Prologues, some of them quite long. The Novel that got me started "Shadows of Saganami" had a cool cover illustration (such deep reasons we have for choosing novels to read).
The prologue was @ 1600 words and it set up the immediate history and the mental state of the main character which was the main Internal Journey conflict for the book. And it was a (Gasp) flash back dream to a previous space battle that haunted the Co-main POV character throughout the book. It really set up the conflict and final denoument in the book.
It worked very well the way he did it. The book wouldn't have worked as well without it.
So there you have it. I always try to copy the other DW in that device.
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