Creation... would like feedback, please!

[marshwriter]

Hi all,

I have a question and would like some feedback on it. I know that in, for instance, the Firefish books the Bible and Christianity features very much, and that worked for me, but in my world I basically started with the creation story where God created the world. There is also angel-like beings and there is some of these that rebelled. The people also strive for Christian values. But while God is God (if you know what I mean) I don't have books specifically in a Bible etc. I'm also not planning on publishing this but using it just as background for worldbuilding. I just want it there for the back story.

I also needed to make it explicit that everything referred to as Talent is good and given as a gift by God. The Lewjan (and Werlea and their minions) use what is called magic or "shadow knowledge" as is bad...

My creation-story goes like this (rough draft):

Before even time came into being, the Creator had existed. Though people will never be able to understand how this can be, we know that it is so. For there is some knowledge that the human mind is not meant to fully comprehend while the world still lives.

And it came to be that on the first day the world that we call Airthai was created by the hands of the Creator. The world and all that dwell upon it, the heavens and all that is in it was created, from the smallest insect to the farthest star in the reaches of the heavens. And it was good. And the Creator made the race of the Airus that may pass between his world and ours; the only race able to do so while still alive. And the Creator made the peoples that inhabit the lands of the world. And the race of the Airus received the most of the Talent that the Creator gave to the peoples of Airthai.
And the Creator gave to the peoples of Airthai Talents. Each received a Talent and each Talent would help and complement another.
But there were those of the Airus that became greedy and their hearts were turned to hatred of the Creator because they did not have all of the Talent, but only part. And they rebelled against the Creator and were cast away to a world of shadow and fire.

They were now known as the Lewjan, the Betrayers. And the Betrayers built their own fortress in which to live. And there they did not create, but twisted all they could to their evil.
They infested the peoples of the world and turned them from the light of the Creator to serve the master of the Lewjan. The mortals of Airthai started to call the Master of the Lewjan the Shadow Master and this evil force the Shadow. Some of the mortals decided to give up the Talent given to them by the Creator and turn to the Lewjan who always promised more and more power and control - even over the Airus who they feared to meet.

And so it was that a war - sometimes unseen, sometimes painting the fields of Airthai red - started that would last through all the ages of the world. A war that would only end on the day the sun burned its last and all the life on Airthai pass to the other world where only the immortal soul could go.
So it is written, and so we live. We fight against the Lewjan's shadow and turn to the Light. We guard ourselves and one another. And when a brother or a sister falls to the Shadow, we cry and mourn and beat our chests in anger because of the rebels. And still we fight even when our strength lessens. And we use our Talents for the good of all the nations. Even the Lost Nations, though they know it not. Or cannot comprehend it until they have been cut from the Shadow.
For when the Lost are cut off from the Lewjan's power, they have two choices - they can grovel before the Shadow Master for mercy he is unable to give. Those are said to die soon of the fear and fire that consumes them. The second choice - who many believe are not open to them - is to ask for forgiveness for what they have done from the Creator. Those that do this does not have an easy road before them, for they must face what they have done.


I welcome all input ;D

Thanks,
Marshwriter

[tris]

Marshwriter,

I don't think you necessarily need written scriptures. Many cultures, both real and fantasy, use story telling, rather than writing to maintain their spiritual heritages. Writing is a relatively new invention.

The way you've worded your back story is strongly reminiscent of storying. I can visualize your keepers of wisdom recounting these tales to young initiates.

[marshwriter]

Thanks, I was hoping to get an oral quality, especially for the one part of my world. I also didn't want too many details because that would be too difficult to remember when you're telling the story over and over. Of course, the Ealda, another race, is very bookish, so their creation would sound different.

Hmm... must not let the Worldbuilding bug bite too hard!

[Divides the Waters]

Robert Howard wrote a "backstory" for his Conan novels that reads a bit like a historical document. I think it's a good idea to make sure the author is consistent with his own worldbuilding. I think that those kinds of writings are less effective when included as, say, prologues to the novels themselves. I would rather incorporate them in fictional epigraphs (quotes from imaginary sources) or (if you're going for the storyteller tradition) as part of the dialogue. That way you don't overwhelm the reader with a Silmarillion-style lengthy prose, and the story itself can advance on its own strength.