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Post by mongoose on May 28, 2007 1:46:38 GMT -5
Stop me if I've already posted about this guy. Oh wait. By the time I read your post it'll be too late. *evil grin*
This is my fav. genre, definitely. Kihn waiting bear is born a runt to Blackfoot Native American Parents, on the most remote part of the reservation in Montana. The dad wants him killed, as he'll be of little benefit and a great burden to the family, and his teenaged mother is afraid of the father. the old Shaman in the village, however, who just happens to be a white Christian who showed up in the early 70s and ingratiated himself to the people over time, convinces them to spare the child whom he prophecies will grow to be great and to save his people.
Prophecy or no, a runt has a hard time of it in the village. Kihn has to survive by his wits where his strength is in-sufficient. His family doesn't care, and neglects him, so the shaman takes him under his wing and teaches him much. Thus he gets a mix of religions and cultures, but ultimately becomes an accomplished hunter.
He runs away from home at the age of 17, inspired by the ghost owl of his vision quest to join the hated U.S. Army. As a hunter with a keen intellect, he advances through the enlisted ranks, finally becoming a sergeant in the Special Forces. He gets a degree and advances to the rank of Captain and A-Team leader. As such he leads his team into Afghanistan hunting a general in the United Islamic Nations Army; one of the most dangerous terrorist leaders and enemy officers on the ground.
Oh, I guess I didn't mention that I model this character somewhat on that of David of the Old Testament of the Bible. So this enemy general is like Goliath in that no one else can take him, and Kihn is like David in that he's the despised runt. Never-the-less Kihn locates and captures his quary, using skills as a hunter, a linguist, and a special forces soldier where more conventional units and tactics failed. At about the same time as his victory, he observes and interferes with a massacre of a village by U.S. Army Rangers (or some such unit), and gets in serious trouble.
Word leaks that Kihn took down the bad guy, but his superiors, like King Saul, appreciate neither his success, nor his implication of them in the massacre. They put a hit on him, and he goes on the run, reverting to his old Blackfoot ways to survive and stay ahead of the pursuit.
I added something into the story at this point that I'm not sure has any parallel to David's story. Literary license, thinks me. Kihn gets shot, falls into a creek, floats awhile, and gets fished out by a monk. This is somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, I'm thinking. The monk is probably either Eastern or Celtic Orthodox, if you will. He nurses Kihn back to health and teaches him the word, much as the old Shaman did back in the day. Kihn's just bitter all around, and listens, but accepts none of it.
The team sent to capture or kill Kihn sends a couple scouts ahead, who run into Kihn and a couple monks out in the field. Kihn kills the scouts, scaring the monks badly. the monestary decides Kihn has to go, so he sets up house in the next valley, intending to watch over the monk who saved his life. He's too late, however, and returns one morning to find the monestary burned with the monks tied to posts within its walls. Kihn goes into a rage, and then goes cold, taking on the persona of the warriors of his people who occasionally plagued the white settlers and the Cavalry. He chases the hit team as they head back toward their road-head, slaying them one at a time and dissapearing with a blood curtling war whoop each time.
By the time the team makes it almost to the road, there's only three of them. He kills all but their leader, and the two of them end up in a big knife fight. (Oh! I had no idea I was going into this much detail. *shrugs* It's still only the outline I post here.) The lead hit man was Kihn's prodigy, so the two are somewhat closely matched. Kihn barely gets the better of the other when he remembers the teachings of the monk and of the shaman, and something hits home. He chooses to spare the other guy. Just then the chopper pulls over the clearing, spotlights, megaphones, guys with big guns. Both combatants get arrested and thrown into military prison together. The final scene is Kihn sitting on the floor of his jail cell, or maybe he's doing sit ups or something, reading the Bible, and for the first time in the story really at peace.
Now, my step mom says the story can't end with him in prison. So in book 2 he finds a good reason to break out, and the chase continues. By this time the war between the West and the United Islamic Nations has taken a turn for the worst, and the U.S. has implemented a harsh martial law. I suppose he has a daughter to rescue, maybe his, maybe of the monk from Washington or Oregon. Maybe we develop a love interest here. Whatever. Big chase scenes around the world.
People who don't appreciate the current regime(s) run to Kihn, who's begun to make a name for himself in his own private campaign against the armies from the East. He leaves the U.S. government and it's military alone, even though they're out to hunt him down. He's over in Europe somewhere, taking out Muslim tank units by the dozen, with all kinds of mercenaries and American defectors joining him.
Book 2 ends at a good point (don't know where yet) and book 3 begins. In book 3 Kihn has his own army that's having more success than the U.S. army in the war, and He's begining to drive the UIN armies back into their former territory. The people and perhaps some in the military of the U.S. begin to call for the current president to be impeached, and new elections held, with Kihn being the obviously favored candidate. He ignores them and continues the war effort.
A lucky ICBM comes in from the UIN Fleet, based somewhere around Cuba, I suppose, or maybe Russia, and takes out the presidential convoy. The existing regime is decimated, and a new leader is needed. Most of the nation looks to Kihn, and enough of the powers that be in the U.S. Military see that the existing mode of operations isn't working. Kihn returns and takes over as an interim head of state, and as such, manages to win the war, make a treaty, and put things back in-order in the Americas. When elections are held he is elected president. A few of his trusted army budies become members of his cabinet, head of the CIA, etc. but most of his private army are disbanded with good pay and benefits, encouraged to find jobs and re-integrate into civilian life, or enlist in the usual fashion in the standing military of the United States of America.
I'm not going to go into what he does as president. No tie in to the whole Bathsheba fiasco. Just end it while he's ahead.
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Post by mongoose on Apr 13, 2008 22:06:27 GMT -5
I've completed the last chapter of the first draft of the first novel in Kihn's trilogy. I'll have to re-read and edit it heavily before sending it to friends and family to do the same. Fortunately I have a journalist wife who will tear it to shreds. If I listen to her, it should improve dramatically. But I have a question I'm running by a lot of people first: For the epilogue, should I begin with a jail-yard fight; or skip right to Kihn sitting in medical isolation, reading his Bible, and at peace for the first time in his life?
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Post by Jeff Gerke on Apr 14, 2008 7:49:04 GMT -5
It depends on what you're wanting to accomplish with your epilogue. What is the primary tone you want to set with it: that things are still in a state of unrest or that your hero is at peace no matter the circumstances?
Really, there's a number of ways you could go with it. Why not try both and see which one you like better?
Good to see you back on the site, mongoose!
Jeff
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Post by mongoose on Jun 14, 2008 22:54:43 GMT -5
Making progress on this story of Kihn, and his pursuit of truth, meaning, who he's supposed to be etc. and how God uses his circumstances to steer him in the right direction. I'm sure it's a common theme, but I've never seen anyone re-make the story of the young King David, taking place in modern times. But we've been over the premise and no one objected too strenuously.
I'm running into more difficulty with the follow up. I would have been happy to end the book with Kihn in jail and a Christian, but was told I couldn't do that. He has to break out. Why? What would prompt someone who's learning to submit to civil authorities to break out of prison?
So far I'm figuring (but not set on this) that the non-nuclear third world war with the United Islamic Nations (which had begun in the first book) has spread to domestic soil, and the remaining government has implemented martial law. So what? He's in prison, and not trying to save the world or anything. But he falls in love with someone, and they're on the wrong side of the law at the moment, being a leader in the anti-war movement. So he breaks out to save her.
Maybe that plot device would work, maybe someone has a better idea. I'm not invested, but do want to parallel some of the major events of David's life (definitely using Ziklag in the third book, and he ends up with someone other than his first wife (like that girl he picked up after her husband died, the husband who wouldn't feed David and his men.)) But herein lies the rub: I'm sure it's not the best idea to either copy Road Warrior, or The Siege, for the way things look on the outside during the world war and martial law. I doubt whole cities would be destroyed by the Islamic forces, who are only now beginning to pose a realistic clear and present danger to the security of the major cities in the U.S. So what are some visions y'all have, or have read and found convincing, of major U.S. cities in a realistic near future non-nuclear third world war and martial law scenario? What would it look like to him when he's dropped on the outside for the first time in a few years, right before, during or after the Islamic invasion?
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Post by torainfor on Jun 15, 2008 8:52:58 GMT -5
Dark Angel? Curfews and checkpoints, but most people are just trying to live their lives?
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Post by Spokane Flyboy on Jun 16, 2008 0:08:48 GMT -5
I'd look to letters from the Civil War, or Revolutionary War. Or really any other place that saw the war on their own soil where their town could be the next to be swept into the turmoil.
I've actually got a few notes about a war with the Islamic nations for background in a theme I'm developing to use in story writing and possibly a future roleplay (the two go almost hand in hand with me most of the time). But it also involves the energy crisis and its associated economic trouble and countries grapple to try and fix the problem and an eventual turn toward the stars in search of either peace or exploitable resources.
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Post by mongoose on Aug 5, 2008 17:06:22 GMT -5
This is something I threw together describing the clothes my PCs might wear at some point in one of their stories. Is it too much detail? Would there be a better way of showing what they're wearing? How would you handle it if it were in one of your stories? I'm a gear head so it seems perfect to me, but readers may not hold my fascination with what keeps us comfortable under extreme conditions. Let me know what you think.
It was an unusual garment of a sort they expected to see on competitive race courses rather than in the woods. Something like the ski suits Susan wore in her biathlons, but not quite as close fitting. Fuzzier on the outside, with a layer of micro-fleece, brushed to reduce movement noise and provide a small amount of insulation for high levels of activity in cold weather, or moderate activity levels in cool weather. Like the competitive suits, it included stretchy lycra and nylon panels in just the right places to allow full freedom of movement without folding and bunching, and to ensure it hugged the body in the lower legs and arms. This would enable them to move through brush with less catching of clothing and resulting noise and movement of the brush around them. High abrasion areas such as shoulders, elbows, knees and bottom were re-inforced with double and triple layers of stretch nylon.
The most striking difference between these "suits" and the usual ski suits was their pattern: a faded mossy oak camouflage design throughout. Also hidden within the fabric were the silver filament threads that would hold in scents and reflect the sun's light to avoid overheating of the wearer without increasing the suit's visibility. Suits like these weren't sold on the open or mass market. Kihn had to work closely with the product R & D department at a friend's soldier-of-fortune supply outlet to design them. In exchange for his contributions and testing in the field he received a significant discount on the price of the suits, and the company maintained ownership of the design, offering it, marked up of course, to their usual market. The design - technical fabric in athletic wear with the most effective camouflage pattern on the market - made so much sense it was a surprise to Kihn that hunters, if not specialized military units had not developed and put it to use years ago.
Kihn and his team stripped off their street clothes - briefs and in Susan's case, a sports bra were incorporated into the suit's design - and suited up. Hunting and other cargo vests and pockets were strapped on over the suit which had no pockets of its own. Camouflaged Gore Tex parkas - sized to fit over everything and with zippered openings to access vest pockets - were available should the weather turn nasty. Additional fleece vests and sweaters would probably remain in their packs until nightfall or until they reached higher elevations. As long as they kept moving or the weather remained mild, the micro-fleece of the suits would be sufficient both to keep them dry with its moisture wicking ability and sufficiently warm with its small amount of loft.
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Post by mongoose on Dec 4, 2008 22:50:44 GMT -5
Regarding the prologue to this novel about Kihn, the Native American Special Forces Captain; Someone advised me, beyond remaining in POV, to cut out some of the internal monologue because it was telling, and slowed down the story. :-P
Okay. Before the latest revision I introduced the character and the plot premise with a scene staring into the fire wherein he saw prophesied, graphic scenes of warefare. Very exciting it was, or might have been. I was told that was over the top. How often does God show us videos of what's to come, in the fire? Not often.
So, I'd like to read of some of the mechanisms y'all use to find the balance between the needs for realism and for exciting action to begin a story. I mean, our real lives look quite boring when we read about them. That's why I avoid biographies like the plague. But the characters aren't superheroes jumping into every crisis situation they can get to on time, running from one fight to another, either. So how do y'all handle that? ------------------
30 minutes later: Okay, so I'm back to the drawing board for the 5th time or so on that prologue. I need to establish the character of Sam, who's the old prophet that raises the main character, Kihn. Or do I need to introduce him? I need to set up the premise for the entire story, which is an ever escalating war on terrorism that turns into a non-nuclear world war. Or do I need to introduce that war? I need to introduce the setting into which Kihn arrives, how he's born as a runt in the mountains who would have been killed were it not for Sam's intervention. Or do I need to introduce the setting?
I had assumed the reader needed to know these things, or else the guy leading the team into Tajikistan in chapter 1 would be just another guy leading a team into Tajikistan. So what?
So how about this. Good, bad, or indifferent, and why?: The story opens with a montage style description of modern warfare, beginning with scenes from Desert Storm, moving into Just Cause and Enduring Freedom and our ongoing struggles, up through the world war 10 years into the future. It would be 3rd person omniscient for this section, as though these events were being viewed on a television set.
Then there's a scene break, and Sam wakes up from the nightmare with the directions to go and save Kihn's life running through his mind. He packs up and heads farther into the mountains, and that's the end of the prologue. Chapter 1 introduces Kihn as the Special Forces Captain. We really don't care about his childhood struggles and triumphs, do we? ---------------------- Now, I know there's the risk, with that, of someone complaining that it's 3rd person omniscient, which is amateurish and telling, which is a cardinal sin, and that the whole prophetic nightmare is over the top and prophecies at the beginning of speculative fiction works is an overused crutch already.
All of which begs the question of how I show that Kihn's life was planned from before it began, that he was sent toward the destiny God had for him by a young white missionary, and that he's ultimately going to have the opportunity to affect the outcome of world events. ------------------------- Or, maybe, I begin with a description of the awesome scenery, and the man standing atop the ridge looking out over his domain, only to spot the couple trying to sneak up the hill toward the traditional "leaving rock," a bundle held close. He begins walking down the mountain toward them. Scene change. They reach the rock and ready to leave the baby there, when Sam seems to appear before them, and convinces the with a high sounding prophecy to take the baby back and nurse it.
That way you've got some action, some drama, the scene description that hooked me at the beginning of the novel Rora, but it's more realistic.
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Post by morganlbusse on Dec 5, 2008 19:39:48 GMT -5
Hi, just read this thread. Don't really have a suggestion for your opening, but noticed parts of your story takes place in Montana and the Pacific Northwest. I grew up in Montana and have been on a Blackfoot Reservation as well as spent many years in the state of Washington and now currently live in Oregon.
So if you need any first hand knowledge of what some of these places look like or what the culture is like, just let me know.
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Post by mongoose on Jan 9, 2009 0:49:02 GMT -5
I'm writing it again (I had thought I'd finished a draft and just had to edit. Apparently not). This time I'm adding a whole section right after the prologue showing Sam's relationship with the Blackfoot villagers, Kihn's birth and youth, and setting up the war between the West and Islam. I had left all of that out because Ted Dekker said you had to write the story like it was a movie, and movies leave that stuff out, gloss over it, or hit it in flashbacks. But Jeff said flash backs are a no-no, and another anomaly person said to gloss over it missed the whole point of the spiritual growth of the characters, which is the whole point of the story.
Can you tell I'm frustrated? I'm sure none of us like to get shot down. But I do hope that the story will be better for the additions, and it's all in my head anyway. It shouldn't take long to write it.
I ran into some new issues, however, when I ran the story by a relative. It's offensive. Maybe it was just the way I described the story without showing it, and stated the conclusions that I'll actually leave up to the reader to discern. But I think it may be the very themes of the story that are offensive. Themes such as: -Native American religion is false & Christianity is the Truth -God can use false religions to draw people to himself -Most people of most religions today, including Indigenous religions, are shallow hypocrites -Many Native Americans have forgotten how to subsist without the use of modern technology or amenities. -An outsider can teach insiders more about what's inside, than can other insiders. -War is evil -If you're going to be successful in modern war, you have to do evil, dirty, ugly and unconventional things -Many of the tactics used by some American soldiers are barbaric, evil, dirty, ugly and unconventional, but not at all justifiable, nor even understandable. -Death is gory, ugly, painful, and I plan to show that in my story. Graphically -Sex is very tempting, and can seem very exciting, glamorous, gratifying or whatever, but in the end answers nothing (outside of marriage and sometimes even inside it). I plan to show this in my story. Graphically. (well, that's not a theme of the story, but I plan to include it anyway) -Prison is a horrible place, and not where people should end up who are not a threat to society or other people, but God can still reach people there and change them.
I either need to find a way of presenting these offensive themes that is not so offensive, or I'm not sure if my book will ever be published. I'm not even sure Jeff could give it a go, even if I did cut all the telling.
someone said they wanted gritty realism. Another said they wanted hope and grand ideals and redemption. I want all of these things.
In other news, this character Esther is growing in my mind and my electronic files. She's a woman with many talents and skills who, with her small, highly skilled and specialized team, intervene on behalf of victims in situations that governments can not or will not address. So far she's stopped a bank robbery/hostage crisis and a bike trail rape incident, and she's got several other missions in the works (in my head)
It's been done before, hasn't it? Somewhere? But I can't think of where. There's a number of warrior chicks out there in fiction, but they're all employed/run/controlled by some government agency or other organization. None of them operate independently and of their own will, do they? Or there's plenty of stories of mercenary organizations, but how many of them are led by female operators? And how many of these organizations or warrior chicks are Christian?
My wife likes it. There's no telling in it so far, I don't think. It's all about the action, one mission or incident after another. Like a TV series. As far as any reader can tell, she doesn't have a history. She didn't learn her skills. She just has them. She does mention once that her father taught her something, but the reader learns nothing else about her father, or her past. It's all happening right now. There isn't even a mention of the future. There's no theme. No direction. No story arch. Just one incident or mission after another, with some transition filler in between. Winning formula? *sighs* I have to maintain hope in something, and I have to tell stories, somehow.
The other thing I just began working on is a research project on prophesy. No, not end times prophesy and *searches mind for the word* escatology. Prophesy in the sense of God telling people things, and them passing the word on to other people. See, I visited someone and every night they would listen to a talk radio show, "Coast to Coast" on which they talked a great deal about prophesy. Except it wasn't Christians prophesying, and they weren't speaking forth the word of God, or foretelling the future in the way that God has us doing. So I'm collecting, organizing and hope to disseminate this project about what prophesy is within the Pentecostal and Charismatic churches.
Also, my host made a statement that I took to mean that she didn't believe I could get good information off the Internet, and that if I wanted to learn and expand my knowledge, I would listen to radio talk shows. The idea is laughable to me, but she clearly believed it. So I'll see if I can't get all the information I need, and make a good, credible argument out of it, siting only on-line sources. Again, I have to have something to struggle toward, and some hope of achieving it.
Why do I have time for these things? I just got off a two week vacation. We'll see if these projects don't all stall now that I'm about to go back to work. heh.
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Post by Jeff Gerke on Jan 9, 2009 8:13:04 GMT -5
Congratulations on your progress. That feels amazing, doesn't it?
Jeff
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Post by metalikhan on Jan 9, 2009 12:52:07 GMT -5
The story about Kihn sounds wonderful, well worth whatever it takes to develop.
If you haven't seen it already, there's an old classic that would be worth reading. The title is When the Legends Die, by Hal Borland. It was also made into a movie, early 70's. The Native American in this novel is Ute; and though it is not a Christian book, it does give a fine example of following the MC's spiritual journey from childhood into manhood, how his identity as a Ute is destroyed then restored. It's not a hefty book, but it's divided into four parts, like linked novellas. It might give you some ideas for structuring the framework of your story.
Maybe the bluntness of your theme statements come across as offensive but that doesn't mean you'll always be that blatant when you explore them in your story. Go for it!
I chuckled a little over the fourth theme about Native Americans forgetting how to subsist without tech support & amenities. It ain't just Native Americans — most Americans can't do it. I know folks who think a day without their cell phone and daily dose of gourmet coffee from their favorite upscale café is roughing it, totally primitive.
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Post by mongoose on Jan 9, 2009 22:23:44 GMT -5
Thanks for the encouragement. I'll probably see if the library has that book.
I remember reading a book in high school about a Native American PC who grew up in the backwoods somewhere, a shepherd maybe. He left that to do one thing after another in the "civilized world," including a stint as a rodeo rider. He was injured, or got burnt out, or something, and went back home to find his family dead or something. He managed to kill a deer, but failed to eat all the meat right away, and to preserve it properly, and got sick on what he ate the next day. From that point he figured out he had to re-learn the old ways if he was to survive in the backcountry and "find himself". That's about all I remember of it, but I was disappointed with the character.
I've seen a few other portrayals of life on reservations, and none of them matched the romantic ideal of the culturally and technologically advanced Native American sticking to the old ways and living in harmony with the Earth and people. Of course I ought to verify that a village like the one in my story actually exists, but does it really need to exist for me to use it in my story? This is fiction, after all. I could be wrong, but I figure I just have to make it believable.
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Post by metalikhan on Jan 10, 2009 1:42:08 GMT -5
Yep, that's the bunny! I first read it in high school, too. I thought it was drier than a sand sandwich and the character was a bummer; but at the time my pleasure reading was split between westerns and science fiction. As I recall, Dune Messiah had just come out and I got Dune for my birthday so I was in a two book marathon on Arrakis. When the Legends Die couldn't hold my attention beyond class time.
Had to read it again in college, but the professor made it more interesting by explaining the mythic qualities. The character was still a bummer. What I thought would be most useful to you was how the author linked each of the books parts, covering critical time frames of the character's life.
"...the romantic ideal of the culturally and technologically advanced Native American sticking to the old ways and living in harmony with the Earth and people."
I suddenly got the mental image of the village shaman chant-chatting on his Bluetooth, a cup of latte' beside him, while he separates strands of sinew for a new medicine rattle.
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Post by mongoose on Jan 10, 2009 15:33:18 GMT -5
Hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard since I watched the Christian comedian, Michael Jr. on google video. I'll check out the book.
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