Post by Torrias on Jan 5, 2012 23:06:19 GMT -5
Any and all prayer for me handling my dad in a godly manner---and knowing what "in a godly manner" entails every step of the way---would be much appreciated at this point, and I'm open to PMs if anyone has been there and is moved by the Spirit to comment in private (I'm not fishing for an advice column 
, I've just never had the experience of communication with a Christian with personal insight). My dad was abusive at home while people outside thought he was pretty good and we all had to smile, and I grew up hating/despising him. In the years since then, divorce broke him and humbled him and we began building what promised to be a real relationship, only for him to gradually revert to his familiar patterns over time (which, incidentally, I've found out was the exact same progression he made in his marriage from the "good guy" he acted like at the beginning). It's always the same cycle, whether on a scale of days or years or decades, and he seems to radiate spiritual/emotional/mental illness (of a communicable kind) to us few closest to him despite claiming to be saved and nowadays being active in a church.
I've forgiven him and no longer hate him (not that there are no emotional reactions left), but I just plain don't like him, his whole personality and way of handling people. I'm repelled by him on a fundamental level. However, I want to honor God by honoring my parents, which I wouldn't think would include shutting one out entirely. I don't live in the same state with my dad (which handily gives me control over contact, which fact seems to drive him nuts), and my husband is wonderfully supportive, so I have a lot going for me. A tendril of my long-dead creativity returned recently after I finally wrote to my dad, speaking openly (prayerfully) and dropping the burden of consequences for his behavior into his lap instead of mine, but I'm nowhere near out of the water yet. He's claimed he's discovered and gotten therapy for a medical condition on which he blames his part in my entire youth, and that he's much better now, but I know his cyclical nature so I'm wary. I haven't heard back from him in weeks since I made it plain that he isn't the one in control anymore but also that I'm open to the possibility of a healthy and honest relationship as equals.
I'm done with being drawn in again and again, but uncertain of whether I should, as a Christian, do any proactive pursuit of building a new relationship in the present with strong boundaries in place (as opposed to just leaving the ball in his court for him to remain silent for who knows how long, much as I like not having to deal with him). Reconciliation and all that...
So, yes, please pray for clear spiritual direction, as well as my own softness of heart without compromising the healthy boundaries I've finally been able to set.
, I've just never had the experience of communication with a Christian with personal insight). My dad was abusive at home while people outside thought he was pretty good and we all had to smile, and I grew up hating/despising him. In the years since then, divorce broke him and humbled him and we began building what promised to be a real relationship, only for him to gradually revert to his familiar patterns over time (which, incidentally, I've found out was the exact same progression he made in his marriage from the "good guy" he acted like at the beginning). It's always the same cycle, whether on a scale of days or years or decades, and he seems to radiate spiritual/emotional/mental illness (of a communicable kind) to us few closest to him despite claiming to be saved and nowadays being active in a church.I've forgiven him and no longer hate him (not that there are no emotional reactions left), but I just plain don't like him, his whole personality and way of handling people. I'm repelled by him on a fundamental level. However, I want to honor God by honoring my parents, which I wouldn't think would include shutting one out entirely. I don't live in the same state with my dad (which handily gives me control over contact, which fact seems to drive him nuts), and my husband is wonderfully supportive, so I have a lot going for me. A tendril of my long-dead creativity returned recently after I finally wrote to my dad, speaking openly (prayerfully) and dropping the burden of consequences for his behavior into his lap instead of mine, but I'm nowhere near out of the water yet. He's claimed he's discovered and gotten therapy for a medical condition on which he blames his part in my entire youth, and that he's much better now, but I know his cyclical nature so I'm wary. I haven't heard back from him in weeks since I made it plain that he isn't the one in control anymore but also that I'm open to the possibility of a healthy and honest relationship as equals.
I'm done with being drawn in again and again, but uncertain of whether I should, as a Christian, do any proactive pursuit of building a new relationship in the present with strong boundaries in place (as opposed to just leaving the ball in his court for him to remain silent for who knows how long, much as I like not having to deal with him). Reconciliation and all that...
So, yes, please pray for clear spiritual direction, as well as my own softness of heart without compromising the healthy boundaries I've finally been able to set.
