Feeling Like a Failure

[stormiel]

Tonight I'm a little overwhelmed. Some days it feels like all my weaknesses come to the surface and try to swallow me up.

It started out with my parents coming over to visit and my mom telling my dad "She's just not thinking." (This was over a disagreement over a cat toy...) Don't get me wrong I have great parents. But between my mom's comments like that and my dad's comments on my weight it just gets to me sometimes. In my defense though I'm technically only 2 lbs overweight and I'm trying to lose the extra lbs.

Later after they left I read an article about how anything below a Bachelor degree is becoming sub-standard in today's career market. I have an Associate's in laser technology. Whenever I tell anyone I have an Associate's I feel like I might as well say "Hi my name is Mud." So that rubbed me the wrong way, which is dumb but it still reminds me of one more place I feel inadequate. I used to have have a job with a nice sounding title but I hated it and now I work graveyard at a DV Shelter, and I love the job that I have. Its a blessing to be able to work where I do. Its just that I feel like people look down on me for it.

Then there was youth group tonight. I'm a "Sub-leader" at the youth group at my church. Not a substitute leader but part of a team of four, I'm in charge of the Jr. High girls. We have been having meetings every week after youth group. I'm having a really hard time being part of this team. Mostly because I dont feel like part of the team. I do try to be a team player, but they tend to interrupt me, talk over me and they seem to already have what they are going to reply to anything I say planned out in advance.

Its a really long story but basically the sum of what I'm saying is that I feel worthless and there always seems to be something ready and available to reinforce that feeling.

Please pray for God to help me love those I work with at church better, and that I will learn the lesson that God has for me here. Honestly I think He is trying to teach me a lesson in humility and that's the kind of lesson I don't want to fail and repeat. Please pray for me to see things for what they are and not for how I feel that they are.

Thank you.

[metalikhan]

Praying, stormiel, that you find peace as well as discernment for your situation.

Check your pm -- I sent a little lengthier encouragement and hope it helps.

[beckyminor]

Praying for you, Stormiel. It's so hard not to let other people's perception color what we rehearse in our own heads. I think it's equally possible that God is helping you to learn your value in his eyes is unrelated to what men see. "The Lord doesn't look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance (physical, job, status...) but the Lord looks at the heart."

[newburydave]

I'll pray that you begin to truly feel your ultimate worth in Christ, our heavenly bridegroom.

I know the kind of experiences and feelings you describe only too well. People have treated me like that all through my 65 years of life, often those who should have respected and cared about me treated me the worst. I was consistently denigrated by those to whom I was ministering while I was a pastor, working to pay most of the bills of the Mission I ran.

Take heart, that's how everyone treated Jesus and Paul. We're in good company. So persecuted they the prophets who were before you.

I suppose it's a bit trite but I'll say it anyway. One of the things God wants for us it to be weaned away from the need for human praise and approval so that His approval is the only source we seek for our self-worth. If we rely on human approval we are weak; when we stand in Him alone we are filled with the strength that comes only from the Joy of the Lord. (the old hymn "so send I you" comes to mind)

But consider this little sister. God Himself has chosen us to be His Inheritance; He created this universe to seek a companion for himself. Jesus came and died seeking a bride for himself. If that ain't a worthiness beyond anything in this world, I don't know what is.

The Sovereign creator God and His only son consider us desirable and beautiful enough to go to any lengths and suffer any insult to gain our love and companionship.

The fact that despite all your feelings of unworthiness and weakness you are persevering in the path of devotion reveals the kind of "worthiness" that God counts as the ultimate worth.

As the angel said to Gideon, "Go in this thy strength."

Whenever I've complained to God about my manifold unworthiness, weakness and failures He's listened then told me; "Yes, you're right, that's all true, you are unworthy; but that's none of your business. You belong to me, you're mine and I love you; now get up and get busy, there's a lot of work we still have to get done."

I don't think we can comprehend the depth of what belonging to Him really means. We certainly can't comprehend the fullness of His love for us; but if we root and ground ourselves in the fact of that Love Paul says we will prosper.

Take heart my sister, you are loved with an everlasting love.

Write on

SGD]
dave

[stormiel]

Thank you. All of you. Each one of you had something I needed to hear and it really meant a lot to me.