What would you put on your back cover?

[stormiel]

This week I decided to practice writing blurbs. This is the probably 10th or 11th version of what I came up with:

When the High Counsel convenes for the Summit of Centuries a new leader will be nominated and fates will be decided. Nominee, Eric Cronenburg has plans for peace in the galaxy, but at what cost? The Militia has one hope of stopping them; Michael Harper a man awaiting execution.

Freya Harper was sold into a life of slavery when her father was imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit. Seven years later she has earned her first step to freedom. Her Father’s execution is set for the last day of the summit and she has been given one chance to save him. When she teams up with a telepath and a frightening man from her past she’ll be tested to her limit as they uncover a secret plan meant to enslave the galaxy.

This was just for practice but what do you think?

What is your blurb?

[rjj7]

It's a little bit confusing. Why do the militia want to stop the High Counsel? Why should we care that their one hope is about to be executed when we don't even know what they are standing for or against? When Eric Cronenburg is first mentioned, it is ambiguous whether he is a good-guy, bad-guy, or something in between; I'm guessing that he has some plan for 'world peace' reminiscent of Stalin's plans for a superior Russian society, but because it is unknown, it robs your first paragraph of most of its punch.

The second paragraph is at odds with the first one in the sort of stories they are promising. The first one puts you right into the middle of the power struggle between the High Counsel and the militia, whereas the second pulls you out again in order to have you slowly drawn into it alongside Freya.


If this is intended to be a story focusing on Freya, and if Freya is initially an outsider to this conflict (these are my assumptions), I'd scrap the first paragraph altogether, and if necessary include a little bit more information in the later parts of the second. It seems like that would help emulate the 'drawn into a struggle I wasn't initially a part of' feel that it seems Freya will be experiencing. Flesh out the second paragraph a bit with the background material necessary to understand Freya's concerns (not the militia's), and I think it's great.

Though I suppose you might want to be a bit more specific on just how the man from her past is frightening. Is he frightening to look at? Is he vaguely psychopathic? Machiavellian? Does he have strange powers? Being as general as it is, it doesn't grip me.

[stormiel]

I'll consider what you said, but I'm actually pretty happy with it. I'm still in practice mode after all.

What about you? You said that you have been working on a couple of projects, what would you want to be your back cover blurb if they were to be published?

[Bethany J.]

Stormiel, I like it, but as rjj7 said, it's a tad confusing - mainly the first paragraph. I'd remove it entirely and maybe flesh out the second paragraph a bit. I am very curious about Freya and if I saw this on the back of a book I'd pick it up!

My blurb...

When Marcus Leansmith mysteriously vanished, his children had no idea his work was a cover for military operations in another universe. Eight years later, Kevin and Catherine stumble upon his hidden teleporter and accidentally transport themselves to the world of Kraesinia. There, brutal off-world invaders plan to capture the portal to Earth – unless Kraesinia’s army can stop them. Kevin is eagerly recruited to their secret human auxiliary, but his sister is deemed unfit for service, and her memory wiped. While he struggles to conceal his new double life, Catherine is terrified by the visions of another world infiltrating her dreams…

I like it a lot, but I feel like it could still use some tweaking.

[stormiel]

Your blurb is pretty good

What I really like about it is that it gives you a very clear idea of what happened that brought them to where they are. Its to the point and well written.

I'm a little fuzzy about where it is going because it doesn't give many hints as to what the future holds for Catherine and Kevin and what their part in the Kraesinia/Earth conflict is other than Kevin being part of the human auxiliary. Is your story more about Catherine, Kevin or both?

If I were browsing through books I'd probably want just a little more info on Catherine and Kevin and what was going to happen to them. I'm curious why Kevin is struggling to conceal his new life and Im also curious about why Catherine's dreams are so terrifying that they bother her?

It does looks like an interesting plot!

[Bethany J.]

Thanks! It had to be to the point because when I wrote this draft of the blurb, I was submitting to a publisher and the online form said, "100 words or less"! I was thankful for the limit because it forced me to be succinct.

The story is about both siblings, although this book focuses primarily on Kevin (it's first in a trilogy).

[lexkx]

I don't know about you, but I hate writing my blurbs. (I'm terrible at my own.) Learning to master these valuable marketing tools is an excellent idea.

The best advice I ever heard on how to make a quick pitch is to explain what the main character wants--and why he can't have it. Done right, this makes for the most amazing single-sentence intros. I lean on this advice when writing blurbs, because it forces me to get to the heart of the story instead of dwelling on all the details that made it so fun to tell.

I think the key to a good blurb, one that makes me want to read more, starts with considering the climax of your story. Somewhere in there, your main characters have a decision to make that will affect their lives and/or the future. Find that question, and make the reader interested and concerned. There are handy formulas about the number of adjectives and the use of active verbs, but a blurb should make the reader's eyes light up and their gut clench with curiosity.

For Stormiel, you give a lot of snippets that could be intriguing, but how do they come together? For Bethany, your characters should be doing the action, not receiving it (It subconsciously clues the reader in to whether the characters are active or passive.), which would tighten the paragraph so that you could tell more with less.

I've rewritten the blurb for my current book (possibly out this summer, if a contract comes through!) a dozen times, and this is my latest effort:


Gabe Pritz has never had a bad friend before. Rich parents, perfect baseball seasons, brothers who make him look awesome—Gabe knows how good he has it. But his carefree senior year gets thrown into an insane whirl when his parents' impossible demand puts him in Tam Swann's orbit. Hostile, friendless, and stubborn, she's exactly the sort of person he'd prefer to avoid.

But every encounter with her leaves him a little changed. Sharper. Smarter. Uncomfortably aware that no one sides with her. If just knowing her makes him a better man, what would befriending her do to him? More importantly, what does the time he spends with friends and family do to him, if Tam's influence so easily overwhelms theirs?

Gabe's fun-filled senior year is suddenly consumed by fairy tales, scary dates, and Cold War stand-offs between his mother, his girlfriend, and an outcast who possesses the power to destroy his world. Can he give up everything he knows, just to ride to the rescue of the bravest person he's ever met?

[Bethany J.]

Apr 28, 2013 13:59:55 GMT -5 lexkx said:

For Bethany, your characters should be doing the action, not receiving it (It subconsciously clues the reader in to whether the characters are active or passive.), which would tighten the paragraph so that you could tell more with less.

Good advice. Thanks! Your blurb is interesting, but it leaves me completely confused as to what kind of a story this is. Is it speculative?

[lexkx]

The short answer would be no, it's not speculative. It's a contemporary YA that is a retelling of an old fairy tale from the prince's point of view. So, it has a certain appeal for speculative readers--or at least fairy tale lovers--but it's all modern teenagers and wicked-crazy identity thieves.

I'm saving my speculative stuff for when I'm a stronger writer. (Plus, I have to finish inventing two languages and do a lot of military strategy research in order to plot one of them out properly...)

[Lady Rwebhu Kidh]

Lexkx, I love your blurb. I want to read that book. It has a hint of the unique that was displayed just enough to tantalize me.

[Ranger Varon]

(Military strategy research! Ooh! I love that part. It's so much fun.)
Sorry....

I don't have any blurbs yet.

[lexkx]

Oh, good, because it should be out this summer...!

Nope. Not excited about that. At all.

[Bethany J.]

Ranger Varon and Lexkx - how and where do you do this military research you speak of? I'd love to know, as I am woefully lacking in that department but I have no idea how to go about researching military strategy!

[Bethany J.]

Congrats on the book coming out this summer, Lexkx!

[Ranger Varon]

The internet mainly, and I scour the library. The big one is Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" of course, but there are quite a few other goods ones, depending on the era of warfare yours is most similar to, but the basics are all the same.

Tactics are a bit trickier though, and I've not checked for logistics yet.