Post by mongoose on Sept 14, 2008 1:15:31 GMT -5
I have no desire to argue with anyone about this question, and no point to prove. I promise to hold my peace if I disagree with anyone. Maybe someone will say something that can help me.
I'm dealing with fear. Not my own, but fear that hinders another person that I care about.
What do you do when you encounter what you perceive to be a threat (whether or not it actually is. I know perceptions are more powerful than reality)? I suppose the options are to run away, skirt around and avoid, go on by, ignoring it, face it, or run through it to get away from it and on your way as quickly as possible. I usually choose the second to the last in order to prove to myself that the perceived threat really isn't a threat, or that I can handle it, or the last because I figure the faster I go through it the less time it has to hurt me. Witness the danger associated with passing your hand slowly through a flame vs. quickly.
This other person, however, makes a point of avoiding anything they perceive as a threat. For obvious reasons this keeps them from experiencing many wonderful things because of the danger associated with said experiences. Some of these fears amount to unreasoning phobias, whereby they become physically ill when presented with the perceived threat, and others are simply worries or concerns that prompt them to choose not to engage in activities that might otherwise be rewarding. I am convinced, however, that the fear response, even in the minor cases, is inflated out of proportion to the likelihood and magnitude of harm that could potentially result from engaging in whatever activity.
We know that fear is not of God, but that He has given us a spirit of love, courage and a sound mind. We know that he will let no testing/trial befall us that is more than we can bear, and that he will always be faithful to make a way out so we can endure it. We know that nothing happens to those who love him and are called according to his purpose that is not of His will. That even if it seems bad to us, it is actually good, and He will use it for His glory and our blessing. And if it kills us, we go home to him. So, essentially, we need worry about no harm at all.
Granted, I don't particularly enjoy pain, and we aren't supposed to test God, so I won't be diving in front of on-rushing trucks, or teasing large dogs who are not leashed or fenced, or using drugs, or whatever. I even do things to keep myself safe, like looking both ways before crossing the street, washing my hands every so often, locking the house door (which really irks me, but I do it) and other things I've been told I have to do to keep myself and those with me safe. But I don't consider, with each decision, what bad things could happen.
I'm being vague and verbose, and I apologize, but I am getting to the question here without incriminating anyone, I hope. So, for an example we watched a TV show together, and in it one character was taped to a chair, and those who taped him tipped the chair over backward. My friend's immediate comment was, "They could get seriously injured that way!" My thought was, "That's a rather crude method of interrogation." See the difference? They're thinking about the bad that could happen while I'm thinking about what other methods would be most effective. And so it is in all of life. They go about concerned about the bad that could happen to them and others, while I go about concerned about whether we're experiencing all the good that we can, and being as effective as we can be in whatever we're doing. Maybe I'm a risk taker when it's useful to be so, and it's risk takers to innovate and propel development and receive the greater rewards in life and Eternity.
I'm convinced that my way is the better, or I'd try to change it, and that they're way is hindering them, which is why I want to help them get free of fear. My question is, how can I do that? How can I help them get free of fear that they assume is normal or justified because it's what they were taught from the beginning?
One more thing. It might sound like I'm being careless and foolhardy, and am the one that needs to change. But I'm not a thrill seeker, nor am I an extreme sports fanatic, though I admire those who are. I don't go to the hospital with wounds or injuries on any kind of a regular basis (last time was probably 1999, when I went in with a broken back from a mountain biking accident. Nine years ago). The fact is that my approach to life WORKS. I AM safe. I DON'T suffer harm from facing or running through potential and perceived threats.
Those, in contrast, who go about in fear, trying to be safe, suffer exactly what they fear the most. Witness Job. Another example from daily life here in Anchorage, AK: People walk carefully on the ice for fear of falling and hurting themselves, and they fall and hurt themselves. I know I won't fall, and that if I do, I won't hurt myself, so I run. Indeed, I don't fall, and when I do, I suffer only a bruise, or once last year, a sprained wrist. No big deal. I got up and within a week resumed running on the ice. So I know from the Word of God and from personal experience that the principle works. I just need to help this other person realize it, accept it, and incorporate it into their way of being. And I need help with it.
I'm dealing with fear. Not my own, but fear that hinders another person that I care about.
What do you do when you encounter what you perceive to be a threat (whether or not it actually is. I know perceptions are more powerful than reality)? I suppose the options are to run away, skirt around and avoid, go on by, ignoring it, face it, or run through it to get away from it and on your way as quickly as possible. I usually choose the second to the last in order to prove to myself that the perceived threat really isn't a threat, or that I can handle it, or the last because I figure the faster I go through it the less time it has to hurt me. Witness the danger associated with passing your hand slowly through a flame vs. quickly.
This other person, however, makes a point of avoiding anything they perceive as a threat. For obvious reasons this keeps them from experiencing many wonderful things because of the danger associated with said experiences. Some of these fears amount to unreasoning phobias, whereby they become physically ill when presented with the perceived threat, and others are simply worries or concerns that prompt them to choose not to engage in activities that might otherwise be rewarding. I am convinced, however, that the fear response, even in the minor cases, is inflated out of proportion to the likelihood and magnitude of harm that could potentially result from engaging in whatever activity.
We know that fear is not of God, but that He has given us a spirit of love, courage and a sound mind. We know that he will let no testing/trial befall us that is more than we can bear, and that he will always be faithful to make a way out so we can endure it. We know that nothing happens to those who love him and are called according to his purpose that is not of His will. That even if it seems bad to us, it is actually good, and He will use it for His glory and our blessing. And if it kills us, we go home to him. So, essentially, we need worry about no harm at all.
Granted, I don't particularly enjoy pain, and we aren't supposed to test God, so I won't be diving in front of on-rushing trucks, or teasing large dogs who are not leashed or fenced, or using drugs, or whatever. I even do things to keep myself safe, like looking both ways before crossing the street, washing my hands every so often, locking the house door (which really irks me, but I do it) and other things I've been told I have to do to keep myself and those with me safe. But I don't consider, with each decision, what bad things could happen.
I'm being vague and verbose, and I apologize, but I am getting to the question here without incriminating anyone, I hope. So, for an example we watched a TV show together, and in it one character was taped to a chair, and those who taped him tipped the chair over backward. My friend's immediate comment was, "They could get seriously injured that way!" My thought was, "That's a rather crude method of interrogation." See the difference? They're thinking about the bad that could happen while I'm thinking about what other methods would be most effective. And so it is in all of life. They go about concerned about the bad that could happen to them and others, while I go about concerned about whether we're experiencing all the good that we can, and being as effective as we can be in whatever we're doing. Maybe I'm a risk taker when it's useful to be so, and it's risk takers to innovate and propel development and receive the greater rewards in life and Eternity.
I'm convinced that my way is the better, or I'd try to change it, and that they're way is hindering them, which is why I want to help them get free of fear. My question is, how can I do that? How can I help them get free of fear that they assume is normal or justified because it's what they were taught from the beginning?
One more thing. It might sound like I'm being careless and foolhardy, and am the one that needs to change. But I'm not a thrill seeker, nor am I an extreme sports fanatic, though I admire those who are. I don't go to the hospital with wounds or injuries on any kind of a regular basis (last time was probably 1999, when I went in with a broken back from a mountain biking accident. Nine years ago). The fact is that my approach to life WORKS. I AM safe. I DON'T suffer harm from facing or running through potential and perceived threats.
Those, in contrast, who go about in fear, trying to be safe, suffer exactly what they fear the most. Witness Job. Another example from daily life here in Anchorage, AK: People walk carefully on the ice for fear of falling and hurting themselves, and they fall and hurt themselves. I know I won't fall, and that if I do, I won't hurt myself, so I run. Indeed, I don't fall, and when I do, I suffer only a bruise, or once last year, a sprained wrist. No big deal. I got up and within a week resumed running on the ice. So I know from the Word of God and from personal experience that the principle works. I just need to help this other person realize it, accept it, and incorporate it into their way of being. And I need help with it.