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Post by veritasseeker90 on Mar 31, 2009 12:39:10 GMT -5
Yep, here's another post where I'm asking for you guys to keep me in your prayers, but hopefully you won't mind... Well, Satan has really been attacking me lately and I've been praying about it and studying, but it's still with me. I am a rather odd person in general. I can quote movies off of the top of my head, and even have a meaningful conversation with my sister in nothing but quotes. I'm sure to most people, I'm one of these people who just have one thing I think about: horses. It's not that I have to have people like me nor is it that I necessarily set anything by what they say, but I just can't seem to get out of the mindset of nothing I do or say will ever be worth anything at all, to anyone. Not even my family. I was always the one who said I never wanted to date or get married, but now I'm to the point where I would like to meet someone who I could be really good friends with. But Satan keeps whispering, "You'll never be worth anything to anyone. No one will ever want to know who you are other than in passing." *head desk* I know it's a lie, I know he's trying to keep me from something I'm supposed to be doing, but it sneaks up on me and I can't seem to shake it. Gah! This is annoying and extremely pathetic, and I'm sorry about that. But if you guys could send a few prayers my way (or any way you want to say that.) that would be lovely and much appreciated.
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Post by duchessashley on Mar 31, 2009 14:25:31 GMT -5
How about some empathy? You're not alone in those feelings. I've struggled with them myself. I wish there was an easy answer to give you, but I will definitely be praying. ~Ashley
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Post by veryblessedmom on Mar 31, 2009 20:53:47 GMT -5
Satan is the father of lies. I was listening to a Bible teacher say, prayer is a weapon to use to do battle with Satan. God's Word is another weapon. If you put them together and pray scripture, You can go to war. It is so true. Satan has come against me so many times with the same lies he is telling you. I've been on the floor crying over them. Jesus quoted scripture to Satan. Our enemy knows the power of doubt. Look up James 1:5-8. If he can get us to doubt, he can block a blessing God is longing to give us. Get a concordance or go on-line for one and look up scripture against every lie you are hearing and post them everywhere until you know them. Pray them, yell them at him when he whispers, until your heart is so full of the truth it blocks out every word of the enemy. This really works. God's Word is the Sword of the Spirit. Get up brave soldier and start swinging. I will pray for you.
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Post by veryblessedmom on Mar 31, 2009 21:21:49 GMT -5
Not meaning to take up the whole thread, but I'm going to pray scripture for you now.
Eph 3:17-19 Lord, I pray that veritasseeker90 has You, Christ in her heart because she asked You in by faith. I pray that she, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. That she might know(feel, accept, realize, believe fully in)this love that surpasses knowledge - that she may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
I pray that she knows that if she has chosen You, it is because You first chose her. She is yours and You love her with a passionate and possessive love. Her enemy is your enemy. She is not alone. Please make that liar shut up and move on because his lies have no power over her, because she is established in Your truth. Amen
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Post by metalikhan on Apr 1, 2009 1:47:30 GMT -5
I'm sure I never wrote an autobiography. You sound so much like me when I was younger.
I probably gave the impression the only things on my mind were dogs and horses, writing and art. I was an avid reader and could also hold a conversation with my three friends in quotes. I, too, swore I would never date or marry. In fact, the only "date" I had in high school was because one of my friends lied to me — asked me to ride along with her and her brother to another town and get a bite to eat there, and then she backed out after they came and picked me up.
I had good reason for not wanting to date or marry, one that took me a long time to resolve. I was 28 before God brought someone into my life that I could be friends with and learn to trust enough to marry. (laughs) He still says meeting me was the best thing God did for him aside from salvation and that I was/am an incredible treasure everyone overlooked. I still think he was incredibly courageous for risking that first date with me after we'd become friends.
You're right — Satan is a liar. He wants us to think we are worthless. He knows he can't take us out of God's hands once we are washed in the blood of Christ; but Satan will do whatever he can to cripple our witness for God. I think he also uses our culture to pressure people into relationships that do not honor God, that do not fit His personal will for each of His children.
I would encourage you to work on your friendship with God first. It's a one to One relationship. Solitude is as important as fellowship with other believers for growing in Him. He is your heavenly Father and your best friend. You are His valuable child.
The second thing I would suggest may sound odd. I would recommend you becoming your own friend. Part of it entails becoming secure in who you are in Him. Part of it is mastering those interests and skills He places in your life that He will bring to fruition in His service later. You may not see what use they will be immediately — often it's only in hindsight that you will see how He uses them to shape you. I had no clue what a machinist was when I was hired to become one; but He has used that skill to both help others and to touch lives on His behalf that would not have been otherwise touched. My husband is seeing that every job he's held prepared him for a particular kind of service to God that recently began. I could give other examples but the list would be too long.
When a potter gets the clay ready for shaping, he pounds it, slams it down on the bench, cuts through it with wire so that hidden air pockets won't make the vessel crack or explode when it's fired. Likewise, God, the Great Potter, will not spare us from hard or painful lessons as He shapes us into the vessels He designs us to be, whether a goblet so fine light can shine through, a common cup to deliver water to the thirsting, or a crucible capable of withstanding heat that would destroy other vessels. We are all clay — all would shatter without His hand holding us.
I'll keep you in my long-term prayer list. Having walked a similar path, I specifically pray for growth in your relationship with God and for discernment in discovering His personal will for you. I also pray for patience and fortitude as He shapes you into the person He wants you to be.
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Post by mom2boys on Apr 1, 2009 12:38:10 GMT -5
I'll be praying for you, too. I've found Beth Moore's book Praying God's Word to be so helpful in my battles, along with Breaking Free and Get Out of that Pit--you might like to check them out.
Beth
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Post by veritasseeker90 on Apr 2, 2009 17:48:48 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. mom2boys, I'll check them out.
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Post by Jeff Gerke on Apr 3, 2009 9:08:52 GMT -5
He really is the accuser, veritas. I feel his accusations often. He fishes around until he finds the doubts that can work on you, then he concentrates on those.
One of his favorites is the feeling of worthlessness. If he can get a Christian feeling like his life doesn't matter, then that Christian will be slower to do whatever God might be calling him to do, and that's a victory for our enemy.
There are no quick, bumper-sticker-style fixes for this, although many are true. You really are worth the price Someone paid for you. Believe that instead of these doubts. And Satan really does like to attack those whom God is about to use or bless mightily. But those answers, while true, can seem too quick and easy.
I find that I FEEL Satan's attacks more acutely and am more apt to believe them when it has been more than 24 hours since I've had time alone with God in prayer, Bible reading, and meditation (almost wrote medication, LOL). I usually have that time with Him every day, but the China trip and other things disrupted that for a while, and boy, did I feel his attacks.
One thing Satan doesn't want you doing is spending more face time with God. Maybe if every one of his attacks sends you running to God's side, he'll get so frustrated he'll leave you alone for a while!
You're not alone, veritas, and you're definitely worthy of being liked, loved, and married.
Jeff
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Post by JenLenaMom on Apr 3, 2009 11:50:22 GMT -5
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Post by Christian Soldier on Apr 3, 2009 17:14:16 GMT -5
My prayers go with you, and may God's hand remain upon through these darkest of times.
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Post by Divides the Waters on Apr 5, 2009 0:34:02 GMT -5
VS,
Being a creative soul is a blessing and a curse. Yes, it can be hard to fit in the "real world," but you can also form incredibly special relationships, whether they be friendships or more. The fact is that you are meant for more than casual bonds, which is why Satan doesn't want you to even have the "in passing" experience.
I think that Satan works harder to convince certain people that they are worth nothing simply because they are the ones that God likes most to use. And don't worry about how; some of us have "Moses moments," and some of us simply realize after the fact that God has placed us in certain situations for reasons that we didn't see at the time. But make no mistake: the fact that you are being lied to with this level of intensity is probably a good indication that you're under fire. You can frequently judge the quality of a man or woman by their enemies, and you can tell when you're being a threat when you come under attack. I think this is part of what the Bible is referring to when it says to consider it a blessing to be persecuted for Christ's sake.
Keep seeking truth. You're in good company.
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Post by Teskas on Apr 5, 2009 14:20:18 GMT -5
Amen, Divides.
Veritasseeker90, you must really have something tremendous going for you. Satan never hassles anyone he has in his pocket. Do re-read what Divides the Water and the others have written. I'm sure you have found their words a comfort. But more than that, you might want to consider their words a "call to arms". It will take prayer and mental discipline to protect the way you think about yourself, but you can do it.
Jeff, in his Tips for Writers, recommended a Christian writer, Robert McGee. He's written a marvelous book, The Search for Significance. I strongly commend it to you.
If it's any consolation, there are plenty of us out there who have been where you are now. Don't despair about yourself. You will have these feelings about yourself lots of time. It takes practice to be able to dismiss the feelings and focus on the truth about yourself--which is that you are a pearl of great price.
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Post by mom2boys on Apr 7, 2009 16:57:18 GMT -5
I forgot to mention two other books that have been very helpful to me--The Adversary and Overcoming the Adversary by Mark Bubeck. Both are about using God's armor to defend yourself, and to take back ground given to Satan. He hates us all the more when we're not willing to sit on the fence, but we're fighting to do God's will in our lives. I love how the Message puts it: "What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You've heard, of course, of Job's staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cares, cares right down to the last detail." James 5:11
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Post by veritasseeker90 on Apr 16, 2009 19:10:44 GMT -5
Vaguely related, but I just want to share how amazing God is about getting through to thick skulled peeps like me. I've been having some problems with some people and I was wrongly accused by my mom today. I started crying because this happens all the time. When she's upset with my dad, she takes her frustration out on me because I tak it. Anyways, she accused me today and I was home alone. Poor Onyx (the dog, not the character). Anywho, I asked God in a moment of frustration if that's the only purpose I have in life: being there for other people to vent anger, frustration and dislike towards. And I also asked why he made me the way I am, because no matter how hard I try not to be me, it happens anyways. Here's where it gets good: So, I was listening to the radio as I was driving and guess what song came on? Brandon Heath's newest, Wait for It. I started crying...again. *head bashing against wall...* but it made me realize, that for all my stupid ways, God does have a plan for it, even if I can't see it. Or even if it makes me an outsider to most. I just hope that realization doesn't leave me
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Post by veryblessedmom on Apr 16, 2009 19:57:48 GMT -5
Here's where it gets good: So, I was listening to the radio as I was driving and guess what song came on? Brandon Heath's newest, Wait for It. I started crying...again. *head bashing against wall...* but it made me realize, that for all my stupid ways, God does have a plan for it, even if I can't see it. Or even if it makes me an outsider to most. I just hope that realization doesn't leave me If you look at the people God raised up to do mighty things, many were literally raised up in isolation. Joseph did not fit in with his brothers,then they sold him and he was a Hebrew among Egyptians. Moses was raised in a palace, but was Hebrew, an outsider. Then he ran off to the desert and worked as a shepherd until God called him. David was the youngest and spent his childhood alone with the sheep. Daniel was taken captive into Babylon as a teen. There is a closeness that develops, in a place of solitude, between God and His child, that cannot form any other way.
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