personal issue with writing

[seventh1]

I’ve hesitated a lot on writing and posting this for quite some time because I didn’t want to cause anyone to say something they’d have to answer for if they turned out to be wrong. It was reading Torrias’ topic about “shoulds” that I went ahead with it.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrupulosity‎

I’ve lived with this for quite some time. I’ve fortunately got a lot of help, both off- and on-line. It’s manifested in some different ways: the most relevant to my point is when I get this sort of urge to think of two separate entities as being “the same”; then if I do something to one, it feels as if I’m doing it to the other. Almost always it takes the form of regarding (outside of my choice) an inanimate object as a living being. I don’t think I’ve heard of anyone who had the same specific thing happen to them.

Unfortunately, a while ago I’ve started having similar worries and urges about characters and elements in my main project, and I’m struggling to shake off the effect described above. I know it sounds strange, but it’s really bothering me and making it hard to write them.

For now I really just want get this posted, I can explain more once I see your initial reaction; I’m still rather inexperienced with forum posting.

There were some days in between writing different parts of this post and I think I’ve gotten somewhat better. I’ve been praying a lot over this and thought that maybe God would use you all to answer me.

[tris]

Seventh,
Don't know if this will help or not. Our society today is overly concerned with assigning labels to things we don't understand, with the assumption that everything can be diagnosed as a "medical" condition. Lots of issues are, and there are lots of issues that aren't.

There is a huge difference between guilt and conviction. Guilt comes from the Adversary and leads to destruction and despair. This would be the foundation of your "scrupulosity." It puts the focus on you and not the work of Christ. Conviction, however, leads to a change in behavior, to repentance and life. Conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit and allows us to deal decisively with guilt and shame.

As humans, there is nothing we can do to wipe away our sin and guilt. Having scruples is an important part of being a Christian. Having standards in writing even more so. The problem is a lot of Christians shift the lines/standards for writing, which adds confusion to those trying to reconcile a Christian viewpoint with a secular writing worldview.

Not sure I follow on the inanimate object as living, but a lot of people anthropomorphize their cars. Writing fiction means you have a lot more flexibility, so it shouldn't be a problem. It might even be a useful attribute, especially if you're writing fiction.

What I'm reading between the lines is that you don't want to write anything "wrong" or that might be perceived as wrong. Writing is about growth and learning, more than about being perfect. None of us want to be misunderstood in our writing, but people are different and what I see in a story isn't what someone else gets out of it.

If you're writing fantasy, it might add a new depth to your story to write the elements as living beings. After all, we live in a fantastic and diverse universe (one of many). Who's to say God didn't give life to elements in other parts of the universe? Have you read Proverbs where Wisdom is personified as a living being? It definitely makes one think.

Best wishes with your writing.

[Kristen]

Seventh, I can see where that would make it difficult to get your characters in trouble. We love them and don't want to hurt them. You might use cognitive self-talk to remember that telling the story will have a positive end result that outweighs the difficulties you have to put the characters through.

[Bainespal]

I can relate. Throughout my hole childhood, I frequently prayed for Jesus to save me. I couldn't be satisfied with the memories of the first few times that I was "saved," and I obsessed over those memories so much that they are distorted in mind. One time I thought I committed the unpardonable sin and felt that I was doomed to hell with complete certainty.

I still struggle with this kind of obsession. But the cure is the ability to see joy and common grace in this fallen world. Church tells us that nothing is more important than our relationship with God, and it's probably right about that. But when church goes a step further to imply that any use of free time to do anything other than reading the Bible and praying is wasted, or that we are all obligated to corner non-Christians and try to convince them to become "saved," then church is wrong.

I don't feel like life is worth living. But God created life, so I have to believe that it is. I have to believe that even though I'm always sinning and getting things wrong, I really can have a life, and I don't need to be a perfect, "on-fire" Evangelical. I think that if we strive for religious perfection, we will fail and fall into despair.

[rjj7]

seventh1, just remember that in writing a story, you are not 'doing' anything other than taking a snapshot of the human condition. If the picture contains evil and suffering, it is no more your fault than that the sky is blue.

We all make mistakes. We all have errors in our theology. We all suffer. Your work would have no meaning if your characters didn't experience the same thing. God is merciful, and his sacrifice can cover far more than we can imagine.

[lexkx]

Seventh,

I don't know if this will help, but have you tried mapping out your writing? (As in, think of the story as a hike with a beginning and an end. This part is the departure, this part is the foot of the mountain, this part is the rest by the lake, this part is the cliff climb, etc.) Maybe seeing the plot from a more distant perspective would help you with writing.

This is not a Bible-based answer, but one of the reasons I recognize what you're talking about is because there's an old Chinese fairy tale about a famous painter who does exactly what you're talking about. When captured by an evil emperor, he paints a boat and sails away. Not realistic, I know, but you're far from the first of God's creation to struggle with something internally and still work to communicate grace.

If you were not sympathetic to your characters' situations, this would make you a rather sociopathic dictator in your story's world. So that's not all bad. Weighing the consequences of a character's decisions is important. If that worry is crippling you, of course, that's got to be super frustrating. But II Peter says "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." That last bit is sometimes translated as "self-discipline", which is why I learned it young and remind myself often, but I certainly need that constant reminder that God's spirit doesn't indulge the things that would cripple me.

May the Lord hedge you in the peace that passes all understanding, so that you may find rest in Him. Praying...

[stormiel]

Seventh1,

I feel like I need to remind you of the great love of Christ. You can know this without a doubt, and I hope that you will search this out in the Bible as well, Jesus loves you with an intensity this world is not capable of. When you turned your life over to Him he forgave you past sins, your present sins and your future sins. He knew every one of them from before He chose to die for them. The debt has been paid in full. It is not your burden to carry. When God looks at you, He looks at you with love. He doesn't measure His love or His acceptance of you by the measure of your sin. This oppression is not of or from Him its from the Enemy. I think this chapter speaks directly to this kind of problem.

Something that helps me when I have similar problems is to take my Bible find what it says about my situation (in context!) and I highlight specifically the things that I know that I need to remember and I go back to it over and over again.

PSALM 103 (NKJV)

Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.

11 For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him.
14 For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.
17 But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

19 The Lord has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.

20 Bless the Lord, you His angels,
Who excel in strength, who do His word,
Heeding the voice of His word.
21 Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
22 Bless the Lord, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.

Bless the Lord, O my soul!



Remember your armor:

Ephesians 6:10-18 (NKJV)

The Whole Armor of God

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—

Take care.

[seventh1]

Thanks everyone, I will think about what you've said.