Post by israle on Mar 27, 2010 11:49:39 GMT -5
Soo.....finished my Let the Games Begin novella at 26,000 words, that thing was so fun to write.
So I started working on a novel, here is the first chapter, tell me what you think:
Chapter 1—hired!
I can't stop, I can't stop. 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2... I keep counting the rhythm. I can't stop. It is behind me. I look over my shoulder and see its gaping jaws right there. I snap my head back as its saliva hits my back and burns a hole in my shirt. I throw the shirt.
Nothing can stop it, I know. I can't stop... I turn right in the labyrinth and take a peak behind me and watch as the creature ram into the bars keeping us in the maze. The bars bend at the weight of the beast.
Everything is wrong. Two weeks ago I was sitting at home, know... well it isn't good. I grab hold of the bars in a desperate attempt to stop myself contrary to my mind set—rather what the people are feeding me. I know it can't hurt me but my legs are pounding against the ground refusing to stop.
They shoot 5,000 volts through the bars, not enough to hurt me but enough for me to let go and accept the fate of running. I try everything I can think of, tripping myself, it won't work, my feet untangle themselves. Nothing can stop me, I am a machine at the humor of the people.
Finally something works. I force my mind to override what the people are telling it to do. I can tell that they are fighting back for the control of my mind. Control is the key... They know it also. I force back their offense and put a new defense. An imaginary steel wall three miles high disappearing in the clouds, have them get through that!
They do, cutting a hole in my imaginary wall. But the time that I had gained was enough. I trip myself and run into the bars at the same speed that the creature had. I grab at the walls ignoring the pain of broken ribs. I have to survive this, surviving is the only option, that or escape.
I keep telling myself that it will only be a few more years, then a few more months, but they will never let me go.
My mind is pressing my feet to get up and they send another 5,000 volts through the gate. I cringe and hold on tighter. They send through another 10,000 but give up, they aren't going to get me to let go. My feet are struggling against my willpower. My knees were above my head, my feet kicking out from the ground. But I wasn't giving up, no way.
I force myself to continue arguing against my mind.
The beast stood over me and its drool drips over my shoulder. The pain is fake, I know, they are making copies of it through my memories, but they are doing a d**n good job of doing it. I look at my shoulder, now I can see bone through the hole that the fake acid had burned.
I force my feet to remain still and watch as they get thrown to the ground because of my willpower. Nothing like this had happened before, they had done small drills, games to entertain them. They had had pain, but they had nothing like this agony. They were doing a good job.
I could force my legs still, that was proof that this wasn't real, right? I looked the beast straight in the eye. It looked like a hyena, laughing in my face. It had only half of its body in fur, its head had no skin at all. It was the most hideous beasts the people had created so far.
This game was going to be gruesome. I let out a scream that I was sure the people were enjoying, that is all they cared about, pain in others. They caused it. They had about three hundred others, they had entered their faces into my other games, but I didn't know any of them.
You don't become friends in a place like this. I gripped the bars as tight as I could as they sent 20,000 volts into the bars and smoke appeared at the end of my fingers. The creature sank its salivating jaws into my shoulder and I screamed again.
I let go of the wall of the maze, they had let me free for a moment, waiting to see what I would do in a situation like this. I smiled. They were going to be surprised. I stood up, wrapped my fingers around the bar and pulled as hard as I could. The bar came free, a full four feet with a pointed tip. It was somewhat easy to manifest what you wanted in your mind when they set you free, just what they did to you when they did when they were in control, control is the key...
I stabbed the sharp end into the beast and hefted it over my head. I was just getting started. I threw it against one of the walls on my right. The beast flew through the bars and landed in a heap of twisted metal. That is when I was truly happy, when I was in control, control is the key...
I ran through the opening that I had made, past the beast, lights above me began to blink red and a warning blasting through the air. “Don't go any farther, subject number IK77!”
I laughed and sent a piece of debris from the ground at the speaker mangling the voice until in went out. I laughed again. I had the key. Nothing could overrun me, I was invincible in my world.
Instantly my world started to change, to black. “d**n!” I shouted. A few seconds later I was in the laboratory of them. In reality they were my scientists that I had hired to do this, just as I had imagined it had worked. The whole scene that had taken place earlier was of my own manifestation.
The lid to the link slowly opened with the hum of electronics, through and a white light was hanging above me. I wanted to break it, the light hurting my eyes beyond description. “This game is very, very interesting.” said an unfamiliar voice to my left. I looked down at my shirt, just a white pullover.
I turned to the voice and observed him. He was a six foot man of what looked like German descent, blond haired blue eyed man.
“Your name is... “ I prompted.
“Oh, sorry, where are my manners? My name is Dutchsman Deimler.” he looked at me expectantly.
“My name is Ryan Millton.”
“I know,” he replied. Great, lets have people handing out my information.
“What do you want?” I said biting my nails in annoyance.
“I want to hire you.” he said.
I sighed, I had my job here, but still, the pay could be better. I asked the question that I always did when I was considering a job.
“Why would I take the job?”
The man cocked his head to the side and smiled. “1 billion dollars, it'll take six months at most.” he said.
“What's the catch?” I asked, knowing that nothing like this was without a catch.
“No questions. Just do what we tell you, no hesitation.” Control is the key...
I squirmed in my seat, my agitation seeping through. I didn't need the money and I knew it. I was already a multi-billionaire. But it would be more, what I had was never enough anymore, it sickened me. "What's the job?"
"We need for you to go find someone."
"Who?"
"Johannes Miller."
I was considering, I was actually considering it. I looked over at the lab techs. that were going about their business, testing vials, checking settings, the normal oblivious to what was happening with me.
"I don't need the money... " I said.
"But you want it." he said. I looked away hiding the frustration. He was right. I did want the money.
I looked back at him. "No questions, just six months right--maximum?"
He nodded his head smiling. He slowly drew sunglasses out of his pocket and placed them on. "I trust that you want the job?"
I didn't answer for a second. There was still a struggle that was going inside of me. Something was telling me that the man wasn't telling me the whole truth. Something else was going on. Still the other side of me, greed, was telling me that the money would be worth it. I took that side.
"Yeah,"
The man held out his hand, a small card was in his hand. I slowly took it from his hand. I showed an image of a bio hazard. A phone number was under the image, other than that there was no information.
It wasn't until three days later did I call that number. I was sitting in my home, after another game, the most torturous yet. I had been swimming with a giant squid chasing me. No matter how fast I swam, no matter how much distance that I put between myself and the ocean going creature I couldn't get away from it.
I shrugged it off and started a struggle that haunted me every night. It was in my nightstand. A bottle of schnapps. I opened up the drawer and stared at the bottle, five minutes past until I took it out and took a swig.
I took another few swigs and put it back. I don't now whether it was because of the influence of alcohol or I was just depressed but, I flipped open my cell phone and dialed the number the man had given me.
There was a few rings before somebody picked up. “Ryan?”
“Yeah, I want to meet you.”
“Where's your house?” he asked.
I smiled, at least he didn't know everything about me. “4677 SW Hunter Rd. Port Orchard.” I replied.
There was silence for a few seconds. “I can be there in ten minutes.” the line clicked dead.
I opened the drawer and took another swig of schnapps.
Eleven minutes later I was sitting on my couch with Dutchsman. “I want the job, when do I start.
The man smiled. “Immediately. There are three places that we need you to look. Here is something that we will use to keep you updated.” he handed me a piece of metal that looked like a thimble.
“Put it in your ear.” he said.
I did so. Immediately his voice was transformed into a computerized version.
“Can you here me?” Dutchsman's voice traveled to his ear.
I nodded.
“If you press down on it we can communicate through the earpieces.”
I pressed down. “It working?” I asked him.
“Yeah, ready to go?”
“Yeah!” I shouted.
“Then get in the car.”
So I started working on a novel, here is the first chapter, tell me what you think:
Chapter 1—hired!
I can't stop, I can't stop. 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2... I keep counting the rhythm. I can't stop. It is behind me. I look over my shoulder and see its gaping jaws right there. I snap my head back as its saliva hits my back and burns a hole in my shirt. I throw the shirt.
Nothing can stop it, I know. I can't stop... I turn right in the labyrinth and take a peak behind me and watch as the creature ram into the bars keeping us in the maze. The bars bend at the weight of the beast.
Everything is wrong. Two weeks ago I was sitting at home, know... well it isn't good. I grab hold of the bars in a desperate attempt to stop myself contrary to my mind set—rather what the people are feeding me. I know it can't hurt me but my legs are pounding against the ground refusing to stop.
They shoot 5,000 volts through the bars, not enough to hurt me but enough for me to let go and accept the fate of running. I try everything I can think of, tripping myself, it won't work, my feet untangle themselves. Nothing can stop me, I am a machine at the humor of the people.
Finally something works. I force my mind to override what the people are telling it to do. I can tell that they are fighting back for the control of my mind. Control is the key... They know it also. I force back their offense and put a new defense. An imaginary steel wall three miles high disappearing in the clouds, have them get through that!
They do, cutting a hole in my imaginary wall. But the time that I had gained was enough. I trip myself and run into the bars at the same speed that the creature had. I grab at the walls ignoring the pain of broken ribs. I have to survive this, surviving is the only option, that or escape.
I keep telling myself that it will only be a few more years, then a few more months, but they will never let me go.
My mind is pressing my feet to get up and they send another 5,000 volts through the gate. I cringe and hold on tighter. They send through another 10,000 but give up, they aren't going to get me to let go. My feet are struggling against my willpower. My knees were above my head, my feet kicking out from the ground. But I wasn't giving up, no way.
I force myself to continue arguing against my mind.
The beast stood over me and its drool drips over my shoulder. The pain is fake, I know, they are making copies of it through my memories, but they are doing a d**n good job of doing it. I look at my shoulder, now I can see bone through the hole that the fake acid had burned.
I force my feet to remain still and watch as they get thrown to the ground because of my willpower. Nothing like this had happened before, they had done small drills, games to entertain them. They had had pain, but they had nothing like this agony. They were doing a good job.
I could force my legs still, that was proof that this wasn't real, right? I looked the beast straight in the eye. It looked like a hyena, laughing in my face. It had only half of its body in fur, its head had no skin at all. It was the most hideous beasts the people had created so far.
This game was going to be gruesome. I let out a scream that I was sure the people were enjoying, that is all they cared about, pain in others. They caused it. They had about three hundred others, they had entered their faces into my other games, but I didn't know any of them.
You don't become friends in a place like this. I gripped the bars as tight as I could as they sent 20,000 volts into the bars and smoke appeared at the end of my fingers. The creature sank its salivating jaws into my shoulder and I screamed again.
I let go of the wall of the maze, they had let me free for a moment, waiting to see what I would do in a situation like this. I smiled. They were going to be surprised. I stood up, wrapped my fingers around the bar and pulled as hard as I could. The bar came free, a full four feet with a pointed tip. It was somewhat easy to manifest what you wanted in your mind when they set you free, just what they did to you when they did when they were in control, control is the key...
I stabbed the sharp end into the beast and hefted it over my head. I was just getting started. I threw it against one of the walls on my right. The beast flew through the bars and landed in a heap of twisted metal. That is when I was truly happy, when I was in control, control is the key...
I ran through the opening that I had made, past the beast, lights above me began to blink red and a warning blasting through the air. “Don't go any farther, subject number IK77!”
I laughed and sent a piece of debris from the ground at the speaker mangling the voice until in went out. I laughed again. I had the key. Nothing could overrun me, I was invincible in my world.
Instantly my world started to change, to black. “d**n!” I shouted. A few seconds later I was in the laboratory of them. In reality they were my scientists that I had hired to do this, just as I had imagined it had worked. The whole scene that had taken place earlier was of my own manifestation.
The lid to the link slowly opened with the hum of electronics, through and a white light was hanging above me. I wanted to break it, the light hurting my eyes beyond description. “This game is very, very interesting.” said an unfamiliar voice to my left. I looked down at my shirt, just a white pullover.
I turned to the voice and observed him. He was a six foot man of what looked like German descent, blond haired blue eyed man.
“Your name is... “ I prompted.
“Oh, sorry, where are my manners? My name is Dutchsman Deimler.” he looked at me expectantly.
“My name is Ryan Millton.”
“I know,” he replied. Great, lets have people handing out my information.
“What do you want?” I said biting my nails in annoyance.
“I want to hire you.” he said.
I sighed, I had my job here, but still, the pay could be better. I asked the question that I always did when I was considering a job.
“Why would I take the job?”
The man cocked his head to the side and smiled. “1 billion dollars, it'll take six months at most.” he said.
“What's the catch?” I asked, knowing that nothing like this was without a catch.
“No questions. Just do what we tell you, no hesitation.” Control is the key...
I squirmed in my seat, my agitation seeping through. I didn't need the money and I knew it. I was already a multi-billionaire. But it would be more, what I had was never enough anymore, it sickened me. "What's the job?"
"We need for you to go find someone."
"Who?"
"Johannes Miller."
I was considering, I was actually considering it. I looked over at the lab techs. that were going about their business, testing vials, checking settings, the normal oblivious to what was happening with me.
"I don't need the money... " I said.
"But you want it." he said. I looked away hiding the frustration. He was right. I did want the money.
I looked back at him. "No questions, just six months right--maximum?"
He nodded his head smiling. He slowly drew sunglasses out of his pocket and placed them on. "I trust that you want the job?"
I didn't answer for a second. There was still a struggle that was going inside of me. Something was telling me that the man wasn't telling me the whole truth. Something else was going on. Still the other side of me, greed, was telling me that the money would be worth it. I took that side.
"Yeah,"
The man held out his hand, a small card was in his hand. I slowly took it from his hand. I showed an image of a bio hazard. A phone number was under the image, other than that there was no information.
It wasn't until three days later did I call that number. I was sitting in my home, after another game, the most torturous yet. I had been swimming with a giant squid chasing me. No matter how fast I swam, no matter how much distance that I put between myself and the ocean going creature I couldn't get away from it.
I shrugged it off and started a struggle that haunted me every night. It was in my nightstand. A bottle of schnapps. I opened up the drawer and stared at the bottle, five minutes past until I took it out and took a swig.
I took another few swigs and put it back. I don't now whether it was because of the influence of alcohol or I was just depressed but, I flipped open my cell phone and dialed the number the man had given me.
There was a few rings before somebody picked up. “Ryan?”
“Yeah, I want to meet you.”
“Where's your house?” he asked.
I smiled, at least he didn't know everything about me. “4677 SW Hunter Rd. Port Orchard.” I replied.
There was silence for a few seconds. “I can be there in ten minutes.” the line clicked dead.
I opened the drawer and took another swig of schnapps.
Eleven minutes later I was sitting on my couch with Dutchsman. “I want the job, when do I start.
The man smiled. “Immediately. There are three places that we need you to look. Here is something that we will use to keep you updated.” he handed me a piece of metal that looked like a thimble.
“Put it in your ear.” he said.
I did so. Immediately his voice was transformed into a computerized version.
“Can you here me?” Dutchsman's voice traveled to his ear.
I nodded.
“If you press down on it we can communicate through the earpieces.”
I pressed down. “It working?” I asked him.
“Yeah, ready to go?”
“Yeah!” I shouted.
“Then get in the car.”