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Post by Spokane Flyboy on Jul 22, 2010 10:12:05 GMT -5
I could use a lot of prayer. I was going to see a friend of mine for her birthday this fall, but we I started talking about me trip plans, she got upset when I mentioned I might visit an ex from several years ago along my way. I knew she liked me and I like her, but I didn't think she'd be upset that I'd stop for lunch with this ex when I was planning on visiting her for almost two weeks. Anyway. I'm hoping God can sort this mess out and really hoping He can mend the relationship.
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Post by JenLenaMom on Jul 22, 2010 10:48:13 GMT -5
LOL, If you haven't learned by now that you can't predict when a woman will be upset there may be no hope for you.  More seriously though, her feelings seem a lot stronger than you thought they were, be careful. I'm guessing she feels slighted that you're taking some time that you could be spending with her and using in to visit an ex whom she may be afraid you still have feelings for. In essence it's like the ex is stealing her time with you. And then there's the whole "what if he sees her again and decides he still has feelings for her and they get back together and I'm left out looking like an idiot." Don't roll your eyes, it's probably pretty close to something like that. I would you suggest trying to get her to tell you WHY it's upsetting her so much, otherwise you're shooting in the dark and THAT quickly turns into a mess. As a compromise, maybe you could visit the ex after your visit. Your friend will have a better idea of where she stands with you or maybe just not let her know. Seems like lying, but if you two aren't in a relationship, she's not your mother, if you seeing an ex bothers her there's really no reason she has to know what you do with every second of your life. I know you may not have posted that for free relationship advice so take it or leave it, lol. |
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Post by Bainespal on Jul 22, 2010 15:16:24 GMT -5
I hate difficult social situations. I'm sorry.
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Post by beckyminor on Jul 22, 2010 16:15:51 GMT -5
 I'm also sorry to hear how the situation has become muddy for you, SF. I pray the Lord will help to ease the tension that has come up, and that you and your friend will have an opportunity to have a candid discussion that will smooth her ruffled feathers. We women can be so irrational at times. I pity men with the maze they have to navigate to stay out of the dog house. |
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Post by Spokane Flyboy on Jul 22, 2010 21:05:28 GMT -5
We talked and she feels it's better we just don't talk anymore. So I guess I have to respect that.
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Post by beckyminor on Jul 22, 2010 22:29:41 GMT -5
So sorry to hear it. Who knows, things could change when the whole event cools off. But hang in there. I pray the Lord will bless you with a sense of comfort and peace in spite of how things have panned out.
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Post by Spokane Flyboy on Jul 26, 2010 14:17:28 GMT -5
Well. I don't quite have peace yet, as I find myself still longing for her. But she ended up going back to a guy she gave up when she found out I still had feelings for her. She's talking to me again now, but I guess I just don't know how to feel. Part of me wants to keep pursuing her and hope for the best. How do I know if that's a Godly desire though? I've already set in my heart not to see the ex just because I know her feelings about her now.
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Post by newburydave on Aug 8, 2010 19:31:18 GMT -5
Spokane Flyboy;
I'm not an expert on relationships, but my wife and I have been married to each other for 39 years come August 28th. Let me share a few of the secrets I've gleaned over those years.
Remember, the Male/Female relationship is an illustration of the relationship between Christ and His Bride, the church. Without Him we are empty failures. Only in Him do we find value and fulfillment.
Women are the beautiful analog of the Church, but despite the beauty we see in them, they tend to feel inadequate. That's why fashion and makeup are multibillion dollar industries. They look to the men in their lives for validation and affirmation of their value and beauty. (Just as all Christians look to Christ). They feel loved by the man who meets this emotional need.
The way you make a woman feel valued and beautiful (read Loved) is to give her your undivided attention and care; make her feel like the center of the world, make her feel listened to and understood (that last is hard but it can be learned if you pay attention). When you promise her time together, don't ever share your attention with anything or anyone else. If you do she will feel scorned and devalued. Most especially don't give your attention to another woman (especially an ex-girlfriend).
Your reaction makes it sound like you feel more than just "friendly" toward her; a fellow Christian and a soul-mate perhaps. She may have turned back to an old boyfriend to try to goad you into getting serious because she doesn't want a half hearted suitor.
God has promised to give us wisdom if we ask him. Do some serious fasting and praying about this woman until God gives you an answer. If after praying through, you feel that this is the woman God has chosen for you as your wife, then pursue her with singleness of heart and mind until you convince her that you love her and her only.
I'll help you pray my brother. The choice of a life's mate is the second most important decision you'll ever make in life.
God's wisdom and providential leading to you.
SGD
dave
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I'm also sorry to hear how the situation has become muddy for you, SF. I pray the Lord will help to ease the tension that has come up, and that you and your friend will have an opportunity to have a candid discussion that will smooth her ruffled feathers. We women can be so irrational at times. I pity men with the maze they have to navigate to stay out of the dog house. 