Funny Dialogue, Exchanges, and One-Liners

[Bought In Blood]

Have you ever stumbled across or came up with a really funny exchange of dialogue but didn’t immediately have a place for it in your WIP?

As a long-time fan of good comedy I want to open up a thread to allow people to vent any comedic dialogue that you feel like sharing. Feel free to add in any contextual information that is necessary to understand the joke, but please don’t go overboard; if we have to read a few chapters in order to understand the joke I think that’s best enjoyed when reading your work as a whole.

What I’m looking for here is just a few simple one liners, funny quotes, or short exchanges of comedic dialogue. It’s ok to quote some other works, but I also like to see any original dialogue that you or someone you know came up with. Have fun and please try to laugh! This thread is for fun.

"I didn't know what he was talking about, so I ate him."

[Gwenllian]

Is it alright if I post Oscar Wilde's play The Importance of Being Earnest in its entirety?




Just kidding.

[Bought In Blood]

Still made me chuckle, Gwenllian

Here's an exchange I think is funny, but I probably heard it somewhere:

Character 1: "Don't thank me, thank Ubel."
Character 2: "Who's Ubel?"
Character 1: [cheerfully] "The demon who lives in my head!"
Character 2: ... “Wonderful.”

[Kessie]

I have lots of those, but one that always makes me chuckle is an exchange between these two guys, Indal and Carda. Michelle is Carda's sister, and Indal wants to date her.

"Are you dating Michelle?" called Carda.
Indal located a glass and filled it with water from the tap. "I don't know. I haven't officially asked her out. She has a toad for a brother and I've been avoiding him."
"Well, a certain toad doesn't want you dating her."
"It's not up to the toad."
"Maybe not, but the toad can make your life miserable."
"My life's already miserable. I'm sleeping in the garage with a corpse."
Carda was silent for a moment. "Granted."

[lexkx]

This is one of my favorite exchanges from a WIP (with an interested editor, so prayers would be AWESOME). Background info... Gabe and Tam are exchanging tutoring sessions in areas they desperately need. Gabe's desperation has him grounded, so his brother Jake has to drive them all where they need to be.

She still wanted to help after all this?
“There had better be miracles with the math.”
Gabe's breath came back. “Yes,” he promised. “Resurrection. Parting of seas. Virgin births. Anything you want.”
Tam looked over at him as Jake swung into the driveway, the dashboard lights giving her cheekbones unexpected hollows. “There must be a girl involved.”
Heat washed across Gabe’s face. Jake put the car in park and leaned around his shoulder.
“Gabe did not mention you were psychic,” Jake said, grinning.
Faced with a brother like that, what else was he to do?
Gabe shoved Jake out the door and tried to hold onto his hair. A quick slam of the numbskull’s forehead onto the weight bench behind them would be perfect, but Jake was a slippery little weasel.

[stormiel]

This is part of an idea that I have for much further down the road but the scene keeps popping into my head and making me laugh. The one thing I should explain is that one of characters is telepathic.

They had spent the better part of the morning navigating the forrest in silence, only it wasn't really silence. No, there was a war raging inside her head and he was the prisoner and his mind the battleground. He had tried tuning her out, walking further back, far ahead, thinking of anything that wasn't related, but to no avail. Enough was enough, he stopped and she nearly collided with him. "What?" she asked. "I can't take it anymore! The little voices in your head are driving me crazy!" She crossed her arms and looked up at him, raising an eyebrow, You think it was bad before? The war raged on with new fury as she took the lead and hurried the pace.

[stormiel]

Kessie, that was hilarious!

[This Baron of Mora]

What happens when Pinocchio says, "My nose will grow now."?

[Bethany J.]

From my dystopian novel - some teens are trapped in a crashed escape pod together; one of them broke several bones in the landing:

"Try to think of something else to pass the time."
"Like what?"
"I don't know, maybe those alphabet games you're so fond of."
"Oh, that'll keep me occupied…A is for agony, B is for broken bones, C is for kill me now…"
"Kill starts with a K."
"Yeah, I know."

[Kessie]

Bethany: LOL! That made me laugh.

[Bethany J.]

I'm glad, Kessie!

These are from a book my sister-in-law and I wrote together. It was a fan-fiction for both of our books combined...

“Oh, I’m just fine. I feel like my lung is being thrust into oblivion, and I can’t breathe anymore, but on the whole, I’m just dandy.”

and

“ What are you going to do?” He finally asked, a slight smirk betraying amusement.
“ Well, if you think what I did to your father's tree was bad” - I began flicking my wrist to reveal my fire - ”just wait until you see what I'm going to do to your father's son.”

My sister-in-law is the one with the wit, not me. I married into a witty family and since then my sense of humor is growing by leaps and bounds.

[fluke]

Baron, you're making my brain hurt!

In my WIP, Peter Lofton has just become a Cowboy (capital C). He's an Iconic Cowboy (think of spaghetti westerns and you're almost there). He is discovering a side effect of the transformation.

"Country, Charlie? I'm going to like country music?" Peter' stomach turned over.
"You'll actually prefer western music, if you can find it," Charlie said with a grin. "Big difference in the two, contrary to what most people think. Western music is written by cowboys and talks of life on the range and in the west. You ever hear any of the gunfighter ballads by Marty Robbins? Marty was one of the great Singing Cowboys. Riders in the Sky, Gene Autry, most Chris Ledeux qualify. Those are some of the people we listen to. Older country, written back before country went pop, will also be of interest."
"What about--what's his name--Garth Brooks?"
Charlie snorted. "Goat ropin' music, son! Steer clear! George Strait, on the other hand, listen and enjoy."

There's also a scene where Peter and a Pirate see people in their own time frames. Peter sees a woman dressed like a saloon girl.
"Dare I ask what you see?"
"She looks like she bought her clothes at Victorian Secrets, lad."

[firestorm78583]

Here's a snippet from the story I'm working on. The cast of characters are rookie superheroes on their way home after being trained by aliens.

Wyatt sat down to his terminal in his room and punched up the messages. He was reading along until one ship-wide message caught his attention. "Jonas, you nut," he muttered to himself. Part of him was grinning, the rest of him, in order to seem more like a leader, had to pretend he was not as amused.
Here's a snippet from the story I'm working on.

Wyatt's voice came over the ship's p.a. system. "Attention, people. I want to make this perfectly clear. The Vulcan peace sign is NOT the official salute on this ship. Wyatt out”.
Chip and Davis looked at each other across the room and shrugged, with an expression of "Oh well, we tried," on their faces. Unbeknownst to them, the others in the room were glaring at them.


Happy writing!
Will

[myrthman]

Feb 25, 2013 14:39:33 GMT -5 fluke said:

Charlie snorted. "Goat ropin' music, son! Steer clear! George Strait, on the other hand, listen and enjoy.

Nice, fluke. Did anyone else notice the pun?

[fluke]

Charlie snorted. "Goat ropin' music, son! Steer clear! George Strait, on the other hand, listen and enjoy.

Nice, fluke. Did anyone else notice the pun?

The pun on steer? No reader has mentioned it specifically though they like this exchange.