SAHMs who've tried to write--Anecdotes, anyone?

[Torrias]

I'm in my 30s and my first kid is 10 months old and is a social vacuum, already a bursting extrovert, energetic and vocal, born to two introverted parents. Being responsible for his entertainment alone all day (we live far enough from family that we rarely have anyone else here, and I have no transportation while hubby's at work), I'm realizing the full horror of no blocks of time to myself, after a lifetime of pursuing just that for personal recharging/reflection and creativity. Don't get me wrong, I love the little guy to death and thank God for him, but MY GOSH, the dawning realization.....lol.

So I'm hoping some other stay-at-home moms (or dads) who are creative introverts might have some funny and/or inspiring tales to share, about attempting to maintain some personal balance and even do some creative work with a baby in the house. I could really use them right about now

[LadyMaie]

Oh gosh, Torrias--it has been a long time since I visited the Anomaly--I got married in 2011, had a baby in 2012 and I'm pregnant with our second. I've fallen out of touch with my writing friends, and got back on here because I've set aside my first WIP for one I think is more promising, and have been missing some writing talk. Not that I get much time to actually work on it... ;-P But what providence to see your post! I don't have any specific stories, but I feel your pain.

[Bethany J.]

I definitely feel your pain, Torrias! I am mom to an energetic 2 year old and his very-extroverted baby sister who is almost a year (and 11 weeks pregnant with #3!). I once said on Facebook that being a SAHM for babies is like being at a loud party making small talk all day long (since the babies can't have much of a conversation yet)...it's an introvert's worst nightmare! And like you I would never trade this life for the world! Our children are so precious. But they can be - or rather, ARE! - exhausting for any mom, let alone moms who like some peace and quiet to do creative work.

Have you tried setting aside the baby's full naptimes for writing? Personally my creative juices don't kick in until late night (and being pregnant I'm more apt to snooze during the day when I can). But if I was more motivated to write during the day I would try to get most of my housework done while the kids were awake and then hit the keyboard (or the notebook, whichever you use) as soon as the baby goes down for a nap. Or can you write at night after he is in bed?

Aaaaand, that sound I just heard was the sound of my toddler opening his bedroom door. Gotta go.

[Torrias]

His naptimes are generally my time for scrambling to get things picked up, dishes done, food cooked, general housecleaning (in an ongoing attempt at organizing the whole place so it'll be easier to keep clean in the future), making any necessary phone calls without him screaming in the background, or just sitting and researching/reading useful stuff online or in books (I haven't been able to read to myself solely for pleasure in ages, and not even do much reading to my husband, as we don't have a lot of time between LO's bedtime and our own). Occasionally I grab a brief nap, though not usually a very effective one. All the things that are difficult to do with him underfoot and loudly demanding interaction, lol. And he almost always sleeps for only 40 minutes at a time, these days, which just is not long enough for me to settle down, organize my thoughts, get lost in daydreaming, and put out anything verbally creative, all while KNOWING he's gonna start yelling again soon. Real life is just looming too imminent all the time, and all too often if I do manage to sit down to try to write, I end up staring "What's the POINT? What does it accomplish?" right in the face. Man, I can't imagine doing it all with more than one little one around--he needs playmates and I kind of like the idea, but considering that I can't even keep up with one...Sigh.

I've recently begun thinking maybe I just need to find a way to change my creative habits and expectations. I have some ideas on that, for a rather unique writing style if I can pull it off. If I can manage to block out real life enough for those brief times, and still get any housework done, and actually have food cooked, lol. It just seems like every other mom out there, whether at home or working, can do SO much more with their kid(s) and home with so much less time available; I wouldn't be surprised if that ongoing, lurking sense of failure in me undermines any confidence that could help with creativity these days. I keep reminding myself that everyone says the early days are fleeting, this too shall pass...

[Bethany J.]

Yes, this too shall pass. Adding another child to the bunch is time-consuming and exhausting at first, but everyone tells me that (at least when they're close in age) it "pays off" when they get older and can play together. Already my two kids are starting to be playmates, and I'm sure once they're a little older they will have tons of fun playing together happily, which means more free time for mom to get stuff done! Perhaps I can't relate exactly to your dilemma, because my toddler has always been an independent chap, and even though my daughter is attention-needy she can often play with her brother...when he's napping and she's not, though, if I try to sit down and write she stands next to me and squawks for attention! That is hard that your LO's naps are so short. :/ Hmm, I wish I had more good suggestions for you!

Don't let a lurking sense of failure get you down! You may not be out-putting creatively, but you are pouring so much life and effort into your little boy...it is precious work in God's eyes.

[Torrias]

Just the positive perspective from a little ways ahead on the road is encouraging, lol. And getting responses from both of you. Yeah, it's that prospect of future in-house playmates that makes me even consider another one; they entertain each other! :-D That and the way the Bible says they're blessings from God, and I'm definitely seeing some of the almost absurd amount of stretching and maturing that's going on in me and my husband through this. And this one is so dang cute. :-P

[Kessie]

Stick with it! I've got three munchkins with a fourth on the way. One kid is definitely the hardest. He doesn't have anyone to play with, so you have to entertain him. My son was the same way and he exhausted me constantly. Then his sister came along, and little by little, as she grew, they started entertaining each other. I never had a problem keeping her entertained. She couldn't wait to do everything he did. Same with #3. She couldn't wait to do everything the other two did. (She's also an introvert and enjoys reading books and playing alone.)

I trained my kids to an 8:00 bedtime (or 7:00 when they were little and it was getting dark earlier). After that, I had about an hour or two to write or draw or whatever. It takes me six to eight months to get an infant old enough to be trained to sleep in their own bed at the same time. I usually take six months off all creative endeavors until the baby's going to bed with the other kids.

Train him to a regular bedtime! It'll save your sanity and give you some adult time without the munchkin. It's essential to your sanity. ourmothersdaughters.blogspot.com is a lovely blog that explains child training and how to do this. :-)

[Torrias]

I did finally train him to nap and go to bed on a schedule maybe 2 months ago. The exact times have shifted a bit day to day, depending on our needs, but I try to keep them well-spaced throughout the day and within a certain span for each. He's done well that way; I can FINALLY put him down and usually have him pass out and sleep for a while! And even if he doesn't sleep, he's going to get some nice down-time in a comfy and calm environment. The problem is the short blocks of time, when before he came along I used to have all day in which to sink into my imagination and get it out on the computer screen. Even an hour--heck, even two--is short enough to be practically useless for writing, to me, particularly when I'm just waiting (borderline dreading) to hear him start yelling again out of the blue (and/or knowing my own bedtime is approaching, and being very tired, and having stuff to do and ponder in real life...). And in the 2 1/2 hours between his bedtime and ours, that's the only time I get to read to my hubby, our only time together five days out of the week (also the time in which we can have dinner without getting screamed at by a constantly attention-starved little goober). Best I can figure is I need to pray and work to find some way of getting anything creative out in short blocks of time with all kinds of distractions. It sounds to me like "I just need to learn to grow feathers and fly," lol, but I keep telling myself other people do it so by darn, I can too. Somehow.

But yeah, I totally agree about scheduling and sleep-training, by whatever methods work for parent and baby. I started out uneasy about the prospect, then finally reached a breaking point and said "Ok, you're going into your crib at these times each day whether you like it or not, to save the sanity of both of us." A ten-minute rock-and-sing routine in a dim room with white noise and three days of heart-broken screaming, and he fell into the swing of it and came to love being soothed and then put down in his comfy crib for an undisturbed rest. Usually. :-)

Thanks for the address (and more insight into the experience, lol), I'm going to look around there and see what other useful bits I come across.

[j2starshine]

Hey! Just popped in and saw this post. I am a SAHM and an introvert. I have 4 year old and a 2 year old. My son is the energizer bunny on steroids and my daughter is a spitfire of a tiger. Getting through the first year was the hardest for me (partly because I was a MESS) and I had to really step away from writing for awhile, but it was a season, the seasons change some slower than others, some quicker. When you look back, it will have gone sooooo fast. especially, these early years. I don't remember when I eased back into writing again, but I found time during nap times. I am not a morning person, so forget trying to wake up before them. And it never fails for them to wake up before me when I've set my alarm to wake up earlier to write. I gave up on that one. Then I started getting the kid, now kids, on a bed time routine so that it gave me time to write. Also, I straighten as I go in the morning, making sure I spend some time playing with them, but then giving them something else to play wouldn't involve me depending on age. I had to resign to the fact that my house will never be as clean as I want it. (I'm a little OCD, so that is saying something. ha!) I make sacrifices like not watching TV and choosing what battles I will fight. We only have so many hours in a day, only so much energy. You have to figure out what you will spend it on. Everyone has their own rhythm. as I'm learning to find mine, sometimes I find myself writing more, or stepping back and giving it a breather as I need, but just learning to keep plugging away. For me it isn't so much about finding the time, but bringing my rebellious flesh and thoughts into subjection, not wasting energy on what I didn't do, or what I should have done. But just keep pressing on. Okay, I'm rambling now. Anyways, I hope that helps!

[lexkx]

I recently read a blog post by a pastor who had more interruptions than I had ever realized I ought to give the clergy credit for tolerating. Children, as has been mentioned here, can be trained. Apparently congregations can't. One of the points he made about writing was learning not to hold his "writing time" as sacred. Which seems pretty contrary, to those of us who love having one. But his point is that it's not realistic when we writers have life pressing in on all sides. He suggests (and this is a valuable tool I've read from multiple sources and learned to do, myself) that a writer always stop writing in the middle of a sentence. This not only keeps the thought in your mind, it makes it much easier to fall back into the writing when you next have a minute, or five.

[Torrias]

j2starshine, all of that sounds soooooo familiar, lol. It doesn't help that I was always very lackadaisical (read: "I don't care") about housekeeping and was already in a several-year-long writer's block and that only after I had a baby did I suddenly start spazzing about housekeeping and really seriously trying to write again (and wanting to craft stuff to sell)...My timing sucks. :-P

lexkx, I've encountered that middle-of-the-sentence idea, now that you mention it. I'll have to give it a try if I ever manage to write anything again in which to stop in the middle of a sentence. :-D

[Kessie]

Stopping in the middle of a sentence works, and so does cliffhangering yourself. Stop in the middle of a really exciting part so you think about it until you can get back to it.

So does plunking the munchkin down in front of a movie. >.> When mine were little, they were enthralled by the Animusic videos (all of which are on Youtube). No words, nifty instrument animations, and I could tune it out while the munchkin was entertained for a while.