Writing as Therapy?

[torainfor]

I don't know if this belongs here or in the Space Bar.

We had friends stay over last night--the leaders of the Bible study where Tom and I met. He (our friend), once again, got onto the subject of the uniqueness of that study. We were all in our 20s-early 30s. Most of us were single (until half of us married the other half). Every study started with the question "What have you learned or studied this week?" And every week, the discussion could have used up the entire time.

Our friend mourns the lost of that study. He's rarely had another that even approached the level of transparency and community. Of course, every person had a different, individual experience, but it got me thinking, how come I don't feel the same way?

I don't have any super-close friends here besides my husband and maybe one other. I have acquaintances I socialize and minister with. I have ecquaintances here and through LiveJournal. And I have my six-year old son. But I'm not really missing the deep, intimate relationship our friend talked about.

There could very well be some personality differences, but the thought came to mind that maybe it's because I've been pouring myself out in my writing. Maybe, somehow, I feel like I am connecting with people--even though few have read what I've written.

But God's read it, right? I wonder if what I thought was a one-sided hobby has somehow become a conversation, an exploring of ideas and truths and application together.

A couple of years ago, I led a study for some of my friends. It was so incredibly frustrating to do hours worth of work every week and pour out myself to a room of blank faces. They all said they got a lot out of it, but they invested very little. Now I'm taking some of those same themes and intertwining them into a fictional story. It feels a lot more gratifying somehow.

[mongoose]

In our writing, our characters respond to the narrator, to the situation in which they find themselves, exactly the way we wish real live people would respond to us. Or they can if we choose to have them do so.

In a tangentially related thought, I do find my writing theraputic, but it's almost more like journaling much of the time. And then I write fiction and do this Play By Forum Free Form Text Based Role Playing, and I learn from my PC how I ought to respond to the situations that arrive in my life. In one instance, one of my PCs was courting a woman. He was awesome, and the other writing had her PC falling in love with him. I considered it, and asked myself why I couldn't behave toward my fiancee as well as my PC behaved toward his. I believe I've improved in my behavior toward her, who is now my wife.

But with the pseudo-journaling, when I'm really upset or frustrated about something I'll often sit down and type it all in, train of consciousness. By the time I'm done, I've calmed down, and usually seen where the problem is in myself that I need to deal with. I may still need to settle with the other person(s), but I know my side of it, and I'm no longer upset at them. I'm back to a rational and committed love for them and desire to contribute to their well being, whatever that means. That's my experience.

[Spokane Flyboy]

Between journaling, writing, role-playing Joshua on our group's MUSH, or writing Joshua's journal entries in our group's forum, and singing my heart out in the car when I drive, I feel I get a lot of therapy. I do know what you mean though, Mongoose, about learning from your characters though. I've picked up patience from role-playing Joshua. I also seem to have inherited his tea addiction though.

[torainfor]

Ah, now, there's nothing wrong with a tea addiction that a good whitening toothpaste can't rectify.

Well, unless you drink it with tons of sugar. I use Stevia instead.

[themantheycallcris]

pike's place market here in seattle has a store that sells an amazing orance spice tea. very sweet, but with no added sugar (or fake sugar). it's got a bit of a spicy kick to it, but it's very good. if any of you come to seattle, make sure to look for "Marketspice Tea" (preferably the loose-leaf stuff).

oh, and you have to keep it in a glass container. the spice in it will break down plastic...

as for what this topic is actually about... i don't think i find writing to be therapeutic. i absolutely enjoy doing it, but the one major downside is i feel it's taking me away from spending time with people. otherwise i'd have at least two more of the novels and probably a detailed worldmap together (at least all in first rough draft form).

but i do understand the whole aspect of writing out concepts that you've tried teaching to people who don't seem interested. it's nice to feel like you're getting your thoughts out to people in a more interesting way.

[torainfor]

I'll be in Seattle over Christmas! And my seester (who has been lurking here without posting anything) lives within walking distance of both Pike's Place and the Space Needle.

A friend of mine quit her job as a dietician when she had her first daughter. I asked her how the transition went since she never seemed to be the type who would be content with the domestic life.

She said she loved being a mom because her daughter actually listened to her. After years of working with patients who refused to change their eating habits, it was refreshing to deal with someone who actually did what she said. I suppose writing satisfies the controlling side of me--you WILL have this character arch!

[rwley]

For me personally, writing has always been my therapy. The reason I know this is because during my first marriage, my husband at the time was such a needy individual when it came to attention and time that only things that interested him were encouraged. He did not understand my need to write and therefore did nothing to encourage or support that need. He actively found ways to prevent me from spending time with a pen and paper. I know, sounds like a horrible existence and it was. Ergo, the ex part of that relationship. Anyway, after all that drama was over and I was settling into a new relationship, I slowly began to realize just how much I needed to write. I would wake up in the middle of the night and my new husband would ask me "what are you doing?" and I'd just say something like I had an idea I needed to write down or some such, and he'd just grunt and roll over. Over the years, when I saw that he was not threatened by these midnight excursions, I began to expand my writing time and do it more openly. He never seemed to be bothered and let me go on about my business.

I still don't think he understands all that I go through when an idea or series of ideas are haunting me, but he lets me do it. He is not threatened by my spending time in something he is not interested in.

And so my writing has increased in the years we've been married and my spirit has slowly been restored and my "self" has been restored. Of course, God has a lot to do with that as well, after all He gave me the desire and the ability, what there is of it, to write. I find that I now have a better prayer time when I write out my prayers. It keeps me focused on the issues I need to face and keeps my mind on God and not wandering about. I journal some as well, although I'm not as consistent as I would like to be.

I guess I just think best on paper. I vent. I postulate. I gripe. I pray. And it's cheaper than a shrink.

Robi