Prodigal Offspring

[rwley]

I know many of you on this board are parents, and it is you I turn to now. My oldest son, 27 years old, so he's old enough to know better, is proving once again that his decision making process is suspect at best. He has put himself in a situation that is borderline criminal and I can't and won't do anything to help him. I'm not even completely sure where he is right now, although I've heard from a couple of third parties on his location. He's not thinking straight, I do know that. He lost his job, skipped out on his rent and his lease and left town. I don't know how because he doesn't have a car. His brother sort of talked to him last Friday, but got no information, just a cussing out.

To say the least, I'm worried. I haven't been able to talk to him, so I have no way to judge his state of mind. At best, David doesn't usually show great amounts of common sense, and when he's angry and hurt, even less.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son very much. But he really doesn't have the sense God gave a flea. He doesn't think, he reacts. He makes rash decision with no though to consequence or cost. Everything is an emotional, selfish response. Everything he does is centered on himself and he's never to blame for anything that goes wrong.

I did not raise him to think this way. I know I taught him better, so there is something deeper going on that I can't fix. He has to be accountable for his own actions and his own decisions and I don't know where that's going to end up.

I know that only God can help him. I also know that he doesn't want God's help.

Please help me pray for may son. He's hurt, he's angry, and he's lost.

Thanks.

Robi

[Jeff Gerke]

Oh, Robi, how excruciating for you! I'm so sorry to hear about David.

Of course there are no easy answers here, but to me it sounds like he's believed a lie about himself. This came through to me in your comments about how it's never his fault about anything. He may have believed that if he truly admits fault it will expose him as utterly worthless.

This is one of the devil's most powerful lies. I urge you to grab a copy of Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee. It's an amazingly powerful Christian book, one that has changed (and probably saved) my life.

McGee takes the four main lies people tend to believe (we usually have one of the four that is the primary one in our lives) and shows how Christ has provided the solution for each one.

We think we're a leaky cup, but He has not only given us a leak-less cup but continually tops us off to the brimming point.

Your son may never read this book, but if you understand it you may be able to speak and pray more effectively.

I hope none of that sounds like a pat answer for you. It isn't meant to be that.

Jeff

[rwley]

I actually already have the book and have read most of it. And no, none of this sounds like pat answers. I know the answer. Prayer. Leave it to God. But I'm a Mom and a human and an emotional female and it's very difficult to give up my baby.

David was damaged by his father. After the divorce, 21 years ago now, David lived with his father for 3 years. He came to live with me when he was 10 and he was a damaged child. Now he's a damaged adult and nothing we've been able to do or say will convince him that he can get UNdamaged. He refuses to forgive his father and refuses to seek God's help for anything. Because of all this, he makes poor decisions and poor choices.

I know in my head that I can't do anything. The mommy in me wants to fix my baby. I hurt because he hurts. I know his only hope is in God, but he can't or won't see that for himself. He simply refuses to believe that he is significant to anyone. As a result, he is one of the most completely selfish people I have ever met and that's a hard thing to say about one's own child.

I love him. But I can't fix him. I can't even convince him to want to be fixed. Only God can do that. I pray that David realizes that before it's too late and he makes a decision that can't be unmade.

Robi

[scintor]

My oldest daughter is in a simular situation. I fear and pray that I don't get a phone call that tells me that she has made another bad decision that will destroy her completely. I'm afraid to say anything, because she might take it as something more to rebel against. Prayer and faith are the only answers, but even that doesn't take my fear away. I will continue to pray for our wayward children and beg God to guide them to their senses and back to Him.

Scincerely,

[e-mail]