Post by fluke on Oct 12, 2008 22:08:58 GMT -5
Hello,
Here is a scene from my WIP. I finished book 1 a while back and feel it is time to start on book 2. This is not the opening scene, but it is a pivotal scene in the character's spiritual journey. Please tell me what you think.
(I should note that the game in the center of the story is very similar to chess, but each culture has its own special rules and names for the pieces. For those like me who would spend time trying to figure out which nelch piece equals what chess piece, I'll just tell it. Marshal = king; clerist = queen; tribune = bishop; cavalier = knight; vanguard = rook; and footman = pawn.)
Lessons From the Nelchboard
Grimthol Freeman moved a cavalier two squares to the left and one forward to capture Walter's last vanguard. By moving the cavalier, Grimthol's powerful clerist now attacked Walter's marshal. There was no way out for Walter. "Discovered check and mate," he said.
"Excellent uncovering. Didn't see that one," Walter said, gruffly, running his hands through his dark hair. He and Grimthol were the same age and had been knighted together. He never liked losing but cheered quickly. "Congratulations. Was that your fourth win tonight?"
Grimthol shook his head. "Fifth." He had defeated the four knights stationed at this miracleman tower in Viadde Rulos and one of the elven miraclemen. Walter went to sit with the other spectators. All other boards had stopped to watch Grimthol take on all comers at nelch. "Who's next?" Grimthol asked. He would continue to play until he lost. Whoever beat him would take over the white pieces.
"I am," said Hanna beth Shimeon as she sat down behind the black pieces.
Grimthol was astonished. "You told me you never played!"
"I haven't. But I've watched you play for the last year. I think I know the rules." She scooted the heavy, wooden chair up so she was right against the table.
Grimthol scratched his beard and moved the footman in front of his clerist. She responded by moving her marshal-side cavalier. A few moves later, Grimthol knew she had some raw skill, but was definitely a beginner. Twice she had overlooked moves to solidify her defenses.
She moved her vanguard and took a footman. "I know that's not what you would have done, Grimthol. You would have strengthened your defenses. But you often forget offenses this early."
"Attack too soon, and you open yourself to defeat." He moved a cavalier.
"Defend too much and you can't attack." She took another footman.
"I seem to do well enough. I win three out of four." He captured her vanguard with a tribune.
"Playing against knights, you win nine out of ten. You are the second ranked Knight of the Cross. But knights play the same style. You all think alike." She moved a cavalier to attack a tribune and vanguard at once. "You don't like risk."
She was trying to rattle him and succeeding. He moved the threatened vanguard out of the fork but left it where it protected the tribune.
"Do you know the story of Benaiah son of Jehoida?" She took the tribune anyway.
"No. Is he a rabbi in the Talmud?" He removed her cavalier.
She smiled. "Hardly. He is in the Tanak. He was one of King David's bodyguards and an inspiration to all Qa'ani. When you first read of him in Sefer Sh'muel, he kills a lion in a pit on a snowy day." She moved a footman to block Grimthol from checking her in the next move.
"He jumped into an icy pit and fought a lion? He must have had treacherous footing." He brought his vanguard back to defend his clerist.
"He did. Another time, he killed a very tall and strong Egyptian with the man's own spear." Footman.
"A brave man." Clerist.
"A man not afraid of taking risks," she said, pointedly. Her last cavalier came out. "Benaiah became one of David's most trusted guards. He was the chief bodyguard for King Sholomon. Risk was his business."
Grimthol gazed at the board. Hanna had made risky moves and now had him in a vulnerable position. He saw two ways to improve his position. One was a sure thing, but it would leave him unable to mount an offense for at least three moves unless she made some uncharacteristically bad moves.
The other was risky—it would break her hold but leave his clerist, the most powerful piece in the game, vulnerable to attack. He would have to mount an offense fast and strong or he would lose the game. Even so, he would lose at least one major piece. Not his clerist, but he would likely have to sacrifice a vanguard.
He licked his lips in thought, playing out moves in his head. He touched the pieces in question. Move the vanguard three squares to the left for the safe move, or move the clerist to attack Hanna's vanguard for the risky one.
He picked up the clerist and put it down again. He grasped the vanguard, then put it back on the board.
"Make up your mind, Grimthol," Walter said, standing with the other watchers.
Grimthol moved the vanguard.
Hanna frowned. "Weren't you listening? I was talking about risk!" She relentlessly attacked with her pieces. In only a few moves, she had him cornered.
Grimthol studied the board. Hanna had just pinned his (last) vanguard. She had the advantage of position and was also ahead on pieces. He stood to lose to someone who had never played before today! He had to turn the game around. In front of his fellow knights and his traveling companions, he could not afford to lose under these circumstances. And especially not in front of Twindove. She had played for decades, and he beat her the day they played.
He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. He took a drink of water. He looked at the board again. She had the upper hand, certainly, but this game wasn't over. He might be able to... Yes! He could use his cavalier to fork her vanguard and clerist. It was a gamble. Hanna might decide to take his cavalier with the marshal to preserve her clerist. If she did, Grimthol would still have his vanguard and could go on the attack. What did he have to lose? Nothing. He was losing already. But nelch was a game where the momentum could swing at any time. Maybe he could play it safe a few more moves and get an even better setup.
Amongst the spectators stood Rabbi Yacov ben Moshe, a very old Qa'ani. He said, "In the Qa'ani, we have a saying based on Benaiah. You most regret the lions you don't chase. Will you chase the lion today, Grimthol?"
Grimthol understood what Rabbi Yacov was saying. Biting his lip, he refused to show the fear he felt at this risky move. He took the footman, forking her clerist and vanguard with a cavalier. "Your clerist is in danger," he said, courteously. Now, would she take the bait?
She took his cavalier with her marshal! Grimthol smiled to himself. Obviously, she didn't want to lose either piece, and taking the cavalier was the only way to prevent Grimthol from taking one of them. However, she had opened her defenses. If he went on the attack heavily, he might keep her off balance enough to squeak out a victory. He moved his clerist. "Check."
Hanna blinked. "Where'd that come from?" She moved her marshal back out of danger.
Grimthol had the advantage and knew it. The momentum of the game was his now. He took her last tribune with his tribune. He planned to take her clerist and vanguard, or at least her vanguard if she didn't take the bait.
She was concentrating on the board now. She used her cavalier to attack Grimthol's tribune and clerist. It was a good move, one he had not counted on, but too late. She obviously expected him to pull back and protect his pieces. A few minutes ago, he would have done just that. But Grimthol had other plans now. Her forking attack had opened up her defenses too much.
Grimthol picked up his clerist and plunked it down next to her marshal. His tribune protected the clerist, which meant one thing. "Checkmate, Hanna. Good game."
She tipped her marshal over in the tradition ending. "I didn't expect that."
"Even after all the talking you just gave me about taking risks?" Grimthol played as if he was insulted.
"Even after." She gave him a crooked grin. "Sometimes you have to learn the hard way."
Memories of when he had learned lessons the hard way flashed through his mind. "Sometimes I do," he said in agreement. He stood up from the nelch table and left the dining hall. "I've had enough tonight. Someone else take my pieces." The knights were shocked! Grimthol never left the table until he had been defeated.
Obviously, a little risk went a long way. Grimthol was happy with his position in life, but he had played it safe most of the time. Even in the dangerous job of being a knight, he found ways to minimize risks. What if he hadn't? Where would he be now? More importantly, what could he be in the future if he "chased the lion" as Yacov put it? If he did not, would he have the position the Father wanted him to have in 10 years? All the Sacragraphia had lessons to teach Children of the Son. He was now responsible for changing his life based on the story of Benaiah. He had much to think about tonight. No—much to pray about tonight.
Frank Luke
Here is a scene from my WIP. I finished book 1 a while back and feel it is time to start on book 2. This is not the opening scene, but it is a pivotal scene in the character's spiritual journey. Please tell me what you think.
(I should note that the game in the center of the story is very similar to chess, but each culture has its own special rules and names for the pieces. For those like me who would spend time trying to figure out which nelch piece equals what chess piece, I'll just tell it. Marshal = king; clerist = queen; tribune = bishop; cavalier = knight; vanguard = rook; and footman = pawn.)
Lessons From the Nelchboard
Grimthol Freeman moved a cavalier two squares to the left and one forward to capture Walter's last vanguard. By moving the cavalier, Grimthol's powerful clerist now attacked Walter's marshal. There was no way out for Walter. "Discovered check and mate," he said.
"Excellent uncovering. Didn't see that one," Walter said, gruffly, running his hands through his dark hair. He and Grimthol were the same age and had been knighted together. He never liked losing but cheered quickly. "Congratulations. Was that your fourth win tonight?"
Grimthol shook his head. "Fifth." He had defeated the four knights stationed at this miracleman tower in Viadde Rulos and one of the elven miraclemen. Walter went to sit with the other spectators. All other boards had stopped to watch Grimthol take on all comers at nelch. "Who's next?" Grimthol asked. He would continue to play until he lost. Whoever beat him would take over the white pieces.
"I am," said Hanna beth Shimeon as she sat down behind the black pieces.
Grimthol was astonished. "You told me you never played!"
"I haven't. But I've watched you play for the last year. I think I know the rules." She scooted the heavy, wooden chair up so she was right against the table.
Grimthol scratched his beard and moved the footman in front of his clerist. She responded by moving her marshal-side cavalier. A few moves later, Grimthol knew she had some raw skill, but was definitely a beginner. Twice she had overlooked moves to solidify her defenses.
She moved her vanguard and took a footman. "I know that's not what you would have done, Grimthol. You would have strengthened your defenses. But you often forget offenses this early."
"Attack too soon, and you open yourself to defeat." He moved a cavalier.
"Defend too much and you can't attack." She took another footman.
"I seem to do well enough. I win three out of four." He captured her vanguard with a tribune.
"Playing against knights, you win nine out of ten. You are the second ranked Knight of the Cross. But knights play the same style. You all think alike." She moved a cavalier to attack a tribune and vanguard at once. "You don't like risk."
She was trying to rattle him and succeeding. He moved the threatened vanguard out of the fork but left it where it protected the tribune.
"Do you know the story of Benaiah son of Jehoida?" She took the tribune anyway.
"No. Is he a rabbi in the Talmud?" He removed her cavalier.
She smiled. "Hardly. He is in the Tanak. He was one of King David's bodyguards and an inspiration to all Qa'ani. When you first read of him in Sefer Sh'muel, he kills a lion in a pit on a snowy day." She moved a footman to block Grimthol from checking her in the next move.
"He jumped into an icy pit and fought a lion? He must have had treacherous footing." He brought his vanguard back to defend his clerist.
"He did. Another time, he killed a very tall and strong Egyptian with the man's own spear." Footman.
"A brave man." Clerist.
"A man not afraid of taking risks," she said, pointedly. Her last cavalier came out. "Benaiah became one of David's most trusted guards. He was the chief bodyguard for King Sholomon. Risk was his business."
Grimthol gazed at the board. Hanna had made risky moves and now had him in a vulnerable position. He saw two ways to improve his position. One was a sure thing, but it would leave him unable to mount an offense for at least three moves unless she made some uncharacteristically bad moves.
The other was risky—it would break her hold but leave his clerist, the most powerful piece in the game, vulnerable to attack. He would have to mount an offense fast and strong or he would lose the game. Even so, he would lose at least one major piece. Not his clerist, but he would likely have to sacrifice a vanguard.
He licked his lips in thought, playing out moves in his head. He touched the pieces in question. Move the vanguard three squares to the left for the safe move, or move the clerist to attack Hanna's vanguard for the risky one.
He picked up the clerist and put it down again. He grasped the vanguard, then put it back on the board.
"Make up your mind, Grimthol," Walter said, standing with the other watchers.
Grimthol moved the vanguard.
Hanna frowned. "Weren't you listening? I was talking about risk!" She relentlessly attacked with her pieces. In only a few moves, she had him cornered.
Grimthol studied the board. Hanna had just pinned his (last) vanguard. She had the advantage of position and was also ahead on pieces. He stood to lose to someone who had never played before today! He had to turn the game around. In front of his fellow knights and his traveling companions, he could not afford to lose under these circumstances. And especially not in front of Twindove. She had played for decades, and he beat her the day they played.
He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. He took a drink of water. He looked at the board again. She had the upper hand, certainly, but this game wasn't over. He might be able to... Yes! He could use his cavalier to fork her vanguard and clerist. It was a gamble. Hanna might decide to take his cavalier with the marshal to preserve her clerist. If she did, Grimthol would still have his vanguard and could go on the attack. What did he have to lose? Nothing. He was losing already. But nelch was a game where the momentum could swing at any time. Maybe he could play it safe a few more moves and get an even better setup.
Amongst the spectators stood Rabbi Yacov ben Moshe, a very old Qa'ani. He said, "In the Qa'ani, we have a saying based on Benaiah. You most regret the lions you don't chase. Will you chase the lion today, Grimthol?"
Grimthol understood what Rabbi Yacov was saying. Biting his lip, he refused to show the fear he felt at this risky move. He took the footman, forking her clerist and vanguard with a cavalier. "Your clerist is in danger," he said, courteously. Now, would she take the bait?
She took his cavalier with her marshal! Grimthol smiled to himself. Obviously, she didn't want to lose either piece, and taking the cavalier was the only way to prevent Grimthol from taking one of them. However, she had opened her defenses. If he went on the attack heavily, he might keep her off balance enough to squeak out a victory. He moved his clerist. "Check."
Hanna blinked. "Where'd that come from?" She moved her marshal back out of danger.
Grimthol had the advantage and knew it. The momentum of the game was his now. He took her last tribune with his tribune. He planned to take her clerist and vanguard, or at least her vanguard if she didn't take the bait.
She was concentrating on the board now. She used her cavalier to attack Grimthol's tribune and clerist. It was a good move, one he had not counted on, but too late. She obviously expected him to pull back and protect his pieces. A few minutes ago, he would have done just that. But Grimthol had other plans now. Her forking attack had opened up her defenses too much.
Grimthol picked up his clerist and plunked it down next to her marshal. His tribune protected the clerist, which meant one thing. "Checkmate, Hanna. Good game."
She tipped her marshal over in the tradition ending. "I didn't expect that."
"Even after all the talking you just gave me about taking risks?" Grimthol played as if he was insulted.
"Even after." She gave him a crooked grin. "Sometimes you have to learn the hard way."
Memories of when he had learned lessons the hard way flashed through his mind. "Sometimes I do," he said in agreement. He stood up from the nelch table and left the dining hall. "I've had enough tonight. Someone else take my pieces." The knights were shocked! Grimthol never left the table until he had been defeated.
Obviously, a little risk went a long way. Grimthol was happy with his position in life, but he had played it safe most of the time. Even in the dangerous job of being a knight, he found ways to minimize risks. What if he hadn't? Where would he be now? More importantly, what could he be in the future if he "chased the lion" as Yacov put it? If he did not, would he have the position the Father wanted him to have in 10 years? All the Sacragraphia had lessons to teach Children of the Son. He was now responsible for changing his life based on the story of Benaiah. He had much to think about tonight. No—much to pray about tonight.
Frank Luke