Post by Jeff Gerke on Apr 7, 2007 9:43:51 GMT -5
Greetings, fellow dreamers!
I am pleased to present the first story bible for our project.
A story bible is a document, used by writers of TV series, that includes the most pertinent pieces of information about the series and its characters. This way, new writers can be brought on board to write various episodes. To be sure they're staying on course, these new writers are given the story bible and told to stick within its parameters. I thought such a thing would be useful for us, too.
I have compiled the first version of our story bible in this message. Using this message alone you should be able to pull together almost everything we've decided on for the story so far.
The foundation is dulci's synopsis (which has now become THE synopsis, or "our" synopsis). The synopsis listed main characters and a main race besides the humans. I have here included the synopsis and the character sketches and other information for the elements of the synopsis.
In other words, it should all be here.
Note that if a character, plot point, technology, or anything else you really liked from our previous discussions does NOT show up in this document, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't use it when you're writing the story. So long as it does not violate the main story or take it in a direction besides what the synopsis calls for, it should be fair game.
Looking over it all, I'm so pleased and amazed with what you/we have come up with. What a fun story!
Note that this message is locked so you won't be able to post your comments to it. Therefore I have set up a thread in the Storm Chamber where we can talk about this puppy.
Note also that this document is split up into two parts. Be sure to read both.
Below you will find discussions of:
[glow=red,2,300]The Premise[/glow]
A medieval fantasy world--with its own problems, histories, cultures, and cast of characters--is suddenly invaded by technologically advanced beings from space--who themselves have their own problems, histories, cultures, and cast of characters.
[glow=red,2,300]Our Plot[/glow]
Qali Shayr, a human, has lost everything that gave his life meaning—his wife and two daughters—on a pilgrimage to find the Relic, the “holy grail” that Kalorbi legend promises to lead to great power and eternal life (see below for a full character sketch of Qali; see also description of the Kalorbi race below). Now, the former Kalorbi-fighter suppresses his sorrows and emotions with the logic-drug, his life reduced to covertly babysitting the first wave of a planetary mining operation for the Kalorbi, of which he oversees security.
When the mining bases are attacked and it becomes clear the operation illegally landed in inhabited land, Qali risks leaving his base to send a beacon to the Kalorbi Hierarchy. He is caught, though, by Aoni, a young local outcast with her own planet-sized shoulder chip (see full character sketch of Aoni below). Qali manages to convince Aoni not to reveal his presence, but the reigning Lord Vanglor has spies everywhere and Prupheen Gaz, slime-for-hire, brings Qali and Aoni before him (see full character sketches of Lord Vanglor and Prupheen Gaz below). Vanglor sees the miners as a threat to his authority, and plans to attack them. Qali agrees to help Vanglor in his coming offensive against the miners if only to have a way to get to his logic-drug again. His emotions are starting to come back, and he is desperate to numb them.
Qali marches at Lord Vanglor’s side during the attack, but his intent is only to get back into his base. He does not get the chance, for at the height of the battle, he and everyone on the battlefield are thrown into a vision of a Supreme Being. The vision stops the fighting immediately, but for Qali the implications are different, for in the vision he learns that the Relic of his people’s legend is on this planet. It does not take him long to realize that this Relic is what the illegal mining operation is after, and he vows to destroy it, not only to stop the miners from laying hold of its power but also to avenge his family for being destroyed in the search of it. Lord Vanglor also realizes that this vision showed the Orb of Power in his own legends, and he stops the fighting to negotiate with the miners.
Qali is able to get his logic-drug during this strained peace, but he finds it no longer works and goes into complete withdraw. He is taken in and cared for by Aoni and the growing group of believers in the Being, many of whom were healed on the battlefield and now desire to find the Relic to learn more about this God. Qali, his emotions active again, starts to care for Aoni as he would his own daughters.
The second wave of miners arrive, and when the operation’s leader, Kata Pretika Miers, learns what has been going on in her absence, she banishes the first wave from the bases (see full character sketch of Kata below). Lord Vanglor, seeing his opportunity, offers his cooperation to Kata in exchange for his share of the power. Qali, mostly recovered, starts organizing the believers to make their own offensive against the miners and Vanglor.
When the Relic is found, Qali makes his move against the bases. It has been discovered that the use of magic is now stronger near the Relic so Qali sends one force to divert the main action while he takes another smaller force to attack the base directly. Qali enters the base, having told his troops that he will enter, retrieve the Relic, and leave again. But Aoni suspects something different and goes in after him.
Qali enters the Relic’s hold and prepares to destroy it, but instead he has a personal vision with the Being, addressing his brokenness. Qali is thrown out of the vision by a blow to his back and finds himself in a struggle with Vanglor, there to steal the Relic himself. When Aoni comes in and finds them in struggle, she knows what she must do and gathers every shred of magic she has to destroy the Relic herself so no one will fight over it again. Qali sees her at the last moment and tries to stop her, but she has already started the process. Vanglor tries to cut down Qali in his lull of attention, but he is struck by Prupheen who was hidden in the room, arriving there before the others and also shaken by a vision. Qali gathers up the unconscious Aoni and makes it out of the base before it implodes with the destruction of the Relic.
The believers are victorious, but with the Relic destroyed they are at a spiritual loss. The Kalorbi arrive in response to Qali’s beacon and work to remove the miners that broke their law, but are also at a loss now that the basis for their religion is destroyed. But Qali, while nursing Aoni back to health, sees that the Relic did indeed lead his people to eternal life, in the person of the Being and not in the object itself. When he has gathered his courage he shares this with his people and the people of the land, and the Kalorbi take this good news back to their homeworld. Qali, finally having found peace, stays on the planet, adopting Aoni as his daughter.
Modifications to the Synopsis
1) The Kalorbi aren't after the Relic for anything but power and the power to live forever (they are convinced it will give them mental, and not mystical, power). They are a mostly atheistic society with the discovery and widespread use of their logic drug, which gives them the illusion that they no longer have the need for religion. A few of the old order still has remnants of belief, but these are generally discounted as extremists.
In this vein, I'm thinking that Qali used to be of the drug-refusing old order, but when his family was killed he severed ties with his "old" ways. This would be why he so virulently wants to destroy the Relic.
Also, when the Kalorbi come in the aftermath of the last battle, most of them are very angry that the Relic was destroyed, and Qali is forced to lead most of the believers into hiding. Only a base few of the Kalorbi might still believe that the Relic meant anything religiously, but they'd also likely keep this opinion to themselves...most of the time.
2) Vanglor should either be a prince (in the sense of the supreme-ruling Russian princes), a king, or be shown to be part of a tightly woven governing network with a supreme ruler at the head. The latter would make the story more politically complex, but might add extra motive layers to the villain as well if he's amongst scheeming noble houses and answering to his leader (who he's probably plotting to overthrow with the Orb of Power coming into the picture). I'd vote for the latter.
3) That the Being be a representation of God in the story, and though he is God in the story, to have another name.
4) The majority of the miners are "in essence" human - I'm not saying actually human, but human in the same way that Star Wars humans are "human." They are a lesser race in the galactic hierarchy than the Kalorbi, which might be part of the motive for trying to find the Kalorbi's Relic - best them in revenge at their own game, so to speak. Kata would probably be under contract or pressure from the human governments to find the Relic and bring it back to them - hence the reason for the Kalorbi suspicion - but has motives to keep and use it herself.
There are a few Kalorbi and other races with the miners, though, in places where their race capabilities will have preference. They are generally looked down upon by the humans, though.
[glow=red,2,300]Our Characters[/glow]
-----Qali Shayr-----
Qali is a type of wildcard - no one can quite peg him. He's a mercenary-type who seems to move only for his own use, but there are hidden undercurrents that he hides well. He would most likely be working for the "bad" factions, but have tendencies to do his own thing for his own motives to help the "good." So no one on either side really completely trusts him, neither do they write him off as harmless. He has blackmail tendencies on both sides.
Half of Qali's face is blue, a wide-swatch diagonal tattoo that cross-cuts his face from left temple, across eye and nose-bridge to the bottom left of his chin - a remnant of an assasin's gang past. He has short-cropped hair, small, compact build, very peircing and unyeilding ice-blue eyes. Square jaw, scarred chin. Qali can also smile, though, and be everything charming - when it suits his need.
Qali carries around a small feather-duster-like whip - not a lethal weapon, but an intimidating one, which he tucks in his belt.
Qali was once a quiet man, contemplative, poetic. He was a bard in his own right, and found great satisfaction in music. In fact, his great desire was to be a part of the Primera Orchestra, the performing faction for the ruler of the time.
Son of a wealthy merchant and engaged to the love of his life, Qali's life was made in every way. But then his wife was seen for her beauty and taken into the pool of the "ultimate specimen" women, women who were forcefully married to the nobles and high officials so that their family lines would continue to be beautiful and perfect. Qali's love was taken away from him by the cruelty of the system.
Qali was driven in grief to the streets, joining a violent gang to try and wreck vengeance on those who'd stolen his love. But the system was too great--he couldn't even get near them. So, when his training as an assasin was completed, he left the gang to work as a private mercenary for hire.
His ultimate goal, which he is subtly accomplishing, is to weave such a web of intrigue that he himself pulls the strings that hold the government officials, punishing them and brining down the system. This is his hidden motive, his only reason for living. He sees his fiance often, but does not speak to her, as she is married to an official. She doesn't even know who he is, as he is a far different man from the soft-spoken poet that she loved. But her life is horrible in her new marriage and that spurs Qali to his quiet fury.
Qali's disposition is like a gathering storm. He will brood for days, quiet and overhung with the heaviness of his grief and purpose. And then he will strike, quick as lightning, before retreating again into the clouds.
Inside of him there is still some remnant of that poet, but his anger is all that truly controls him now. He does manage to have some concern for others caught in the perils of the system, though, as inwardly he sympathizes and understands how they feel. But for himself, Qali has shut himself off from feeling. Or perhaps more accurately, he has made his feelings so acute as to punish himself for not being able to stop the legal kidnap of his love.
Now, picture a dark, cavernous warehouse, set low among the points of a spired city. An official sends three men to Qali for a job, and he meets them, brazenly without disguise, in the semi-light of the grimy place. Qali waits beside one of the supporting roof-poles, in silence, for the three to approach and still does not say a word as they stand before him. He despises their hooded faces, but does not show it.
"Be frank," he says, startling the three.
"Our master sends word to you, Qali Shayr."
Silence.
"He wishes you to find a way to eliminate the third consul."
More silence. One of the three extends a tube to Qali.
"This is the cartol. Three-fourths pint. One fourth more than you requested for payment."
Now Qali flips his short whip out, slapping hard the pole next to him and making all three thugs jump.
"Leave the vial. The job will be done," he says, then walks out without another word, in complete and unargued control.
-----Aoni-----
She is young--between 17-19. Her people are olive skinned and dark haired--similar to the Western Native American. Her eyes are duel colored, one dark forest-green and the other opeic blue. Because of this she is held high as a holy woman by some and feared as a witch my others. She lives alone with a little girl, named Koko, who she found abandoned in the forest.
She has learned through the years of living alone to harness the "magic" of the planet and use it to see into the future, and to heal.
One day she sees a vision of a snake rising from the great waters. The snake's mouth opens and spews black tar all over her planet. There are fires and death. All around her lay barren.
She knows this is a warning that something is to come. She will have to go into the "community" and tell the "peoples" in the great meeting place--the place where all the peoples come to make laws and keep peace between the different kinds--what she saw. But of course they won't believe her.
Description--As seen through the eyes of another:
Broden knew it was a woman instantly by the small form--no taller than his boy of thirteen summers--and by the light padding of her steps. He hadn't noticed her until she was almost up the path, and even then he had not heard her. Her form lay draped in a green, woolen cloak, despite the summer's warmth. And on her shoulder perched a small hawk. Obviously one of the Forest Ones by her dress.
He waited, curious as she walked up to him. She stopped several feet away and bowed in greeting.
Broden nodded in acceptance. "A fine morning for walking. Perhaps a drink to wash the dust from your throat." It was customary to offer travelers food and water during the traveling months, Broden only hoped to see her face. The Forest Ones were said to be ancient in their beauty.
She rested the hood back onto her shoulders and raised her head. Her eyes looked straight into his, one deep as emerald and the other opaque-blue as ice beneath the water.
His breath caught. A Fega, cursed by the gods.
He backed away and shook his head. This creature would be his families' undoing. "You must--" but she spoke, stopping him.
"I'm making my way towards the Master Road and am in need of rest for the night. The stables are what I prefer." Then she held out a pocket of herbs, hung on a string. "A talisman, to ward off evil. And I will not enter your door."
A crooked smile, tipped her mouth, and he had to hold himself in check to keep from returning it. If not for her eyes, her face would have been lovely, bronze and soft, her hair framing it in long black braids, woven through with berries and vines. More a child than a woman, but the promise of beauty lay just beneath the surface.
A Fega, such a pity. "You'll leave before sunup," he said, frowning, trying his best to look unaffected by her. Hillina would have his head for this one if she saw.
She nodded and he snatched the pouch from her, waving at the stables.
Again she pulled her hood up to shadow her face, then walked away, into the darkness of the barn.
A description of your character's personality: Stubborn and strong willed. She has fended for herself since the age of nine and depends on no one. The one thing that keeps her from becoming a hard shell is the child she has adopted named Koko. And even with her she can be harsh. She has taught herself many things--including the magic of herbs and earth, and the "seeing" that comes from her mother's side of the family she has perfected. She believes she needs no one, and has a bit of a sharp tongue.
This character's goals and fears: Her greatest fear is being alone (even though she won't admit this to herself). Her goal is to prove herself worthy of acceptance: by use of her mind and her magic. She fears men and shows this through anger at them any time they mention her beauty. For her beauty is the one thing they see as good, and the one thing that keeps her from acceptance. I believe at one time in her past a man hurt her--maybe her father, betraying her to the counsel when her mother had hid her deformity for so long, trying to save her. Then her mother was killed trying to save her from being shunned (not sure how--just throwing stuff out there).
The lesson this character needs to learn: First she needs to learn that she doesn't have to prove anything. Her strength of will is actually her greatest weakness. And second she will learn that the truth she thinks she's always known may not be real truth. In the end she will not be able to save herself and she will have to let go of her stuborn heart and side with one she once would have hated--swallow her pride and admit how she had been wrong.
Bring the character onstage in a way that perfectly captures him/her/it, including manner of speech (through Koko's eyes):
Koko began to break up the dry leaves, the minty smell of them soothing and sweat.
Aoni shook her head. "Not the hepsbud, Koko. It will keep the onions from being effective and double the potency of the larksin."
Koko froze and looked up. Aoni's frown made her one blue eye all the more frightening.
"Do you wish to turn Widow Plaker's hair white?" A smile peeked through the sharp corners of her mouth.
Koko shook her head. "I only liked the smell."
"Yes, well, the stronger the smell, the stronger the effect. This would have turned Widow Plaker's stomach to ash. If you like the smell you may put it in a pouch to wear around your neck. Tell people it keeps my evil at bay." Aoni let out a small laugh and waved Koko away, then leaned once more over her potion.
Koko didn't like the way Aoni spoke of herself being evil. It wasn't so, not even a little. Yes, Aoni could be harsh, but there was softness too. In the way she told Koko of the star legends and how at every turn she helped people.
"Stop staring so cow-eyed, Ko, and go pick me more volin buds."
Koko nodded and reluctantly wondered off into the trees in search of her guardian's favorite ingredient, the bud that was said to bring the eater favor and love.
-----Lord Vanglor-----
Lord Vanglor, human male, age 45. Picture a balding bear and you've got Vanglor: broad-chested, hairy, and quick to roar when provoked. Vanglor would love nothing more than to conquer the world.
The problem is, he can't due to funds.
Lord Vanglor is the last son of a dying house that's hit extremely hard times. He's nearly bankrupt and basically the laughingstock of the nobility, especially after a humiliating defeat at the hands of a big good-guy about five years ago.
Vanglor tries to scrape by with what little he has, but his neighbors keep encroaching on his lands, he's having trouble paying his goon squad, and it looks like Vanglor's about to be forced into the dregs of society as a pauper.
What he wants more than anything else in the world is power, enough power to set himself back on course to conquering the world.
And if said power were offered to him by a mysterious group of travelers from a "far away place," travelers who are looking for allies, he'd be very quick to jump at it.
> Okay. If I may do some slight modifications to the character...
Lord Vanglor initially doesn't want to conquer the world. He does, however, want to recapture his familial estate.
He idolizes the memory of his dead father, a ruthless warlord who conquered a fair amount of territory in his day. Vanglor's father willed the estate to him, much to the annoyance of Vanglor's younger brother.
As Vanglor lost the family fortune and the majority of the familial lands, he was tortured by the memories of his father and tormented by his younger brother. His brother calls him a failure; Vanglor fears that his father would have too.
He initially agrees to help those strangers from a "far off land" because they offer him the means to reconquer his familial lands in exchange for his help in whatever the travelers wind up doing. But once Vanglor sees the alien technology, he realizes that he has the means to surpass his father's conquests and finally silence his brother.
> If I may do some more modifications to the lead Bad Guy character...
Lord Vanglor initially does want to conquer the world but to recapture his Father's Empire. He idolizes the memory of his dead father, a ruthless warlord who conquered Half of the planet in his day. Vanglor's father left the Throne to him, much to the annoyance of Vanglor's younger brother who knows that it was Vanglor's incompetence that lost the empire and cost their father his life.
Vanglor had lost the family fortune, the majority of the familial lands and is tortured by the memories of his father and tormented by his younger brother. I see the younger brother being a cruel twisted teenager that hates his elder brother and calls him a failure. Vanglor fears that his father would have too. The queen is still alive but was crippled in the same assault that killed her husband. She is basically powerless in the patriarchal society and she too harasses Vanglor.
He initially agrees to help those strangers from a far off land because in exchange for his help in whatever they're doing they offer him the means to reconquer his father's empire. Once Vanglor sees the alien technology, he realizes that he now has the means to surpass his father's conquests and finally silence his brother and mother.
[Please read Part 2]
I am pleased to present the first story bible for our project.
A story bible is a document, used by writers of TV series, that includes the most pertinent pieces of information about the series and its characters. This way, new writers can be brought on board to write various episodes. To be sure they're staying on course, these new writers are given the story bible and told to stick within its parameters. I thought such a thing would be useful for us, too.
I have compiled the first version of our story bible in this message. Using this message alone you should be able to pull together almost everything we've decided on for the story so far.
The foundation is dulci's synopsis (which has now become THE synopsis, or "our" synopsis). The synopsis listed main characters and a main race besides the humans. I have here included the synopsis and the character sketches and other information for the elements of the synopsis.
In other words, it should all be here.
Note that if a character, plot point, technology, or anything else you really liked from our previous discussions does NOT show up in this document, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't use it when you're writing the story. So long as it does not violate the main story or take it in a direction besides what the synopsis calls for, it should be fair game.
Looking over it all, I'm so pleased and amazed with what you/we have come up with. What a fun story!
Note that this message is locked so you won't be able to post your comments to it. Therefore I have set up a thread in the Storm Chamber where we can talk about this puppy.
Note also that this document is split up into two parts. Be sure to read both.
Below you will find discussions of:
- Premise
- Plot
- Main Characters
- The Kalorbi
- The Portable Cities
[glow=red,2,300]The Premise[/glow]
A medieval fantasy world--with its own problems, histories, cultures, and cast of characters--is suddenly invaded by technologically advanced beings from space--who themselves have their own problems, histories, cultures, and cast of characters.
[glow=red,2,300]Our Plot[/glow]
Qali Shayr, a human, has lost everything that gave his life meaning—his wife and two daughters—on a pilgrimage to find the Relic, the “holy grail” that Kalorbi legend promises to lead to great power and eternal life (see below for a full character sketch of Qali; see also description of the Kalorbi race below). Now, the former Kalorbi-fighter suppresses his sorrows and emotions with the logic-drug, his life reduced to covertly babysitting the first wave of a planetary mining operation for the Kalorbi, of which he oversees security.
When the mining bases are attacked and it becomes clear the operation illegally landed in inhabited land, Qali risks leaving his base to send a beacon to the Kalorbi Hierarchy. He is caught, though, by Aoni, a young local outcast with her own planet-sized shoulder chip (see full character sketch of Aoni below). Qali manages to convince Aoni not to reveal his presence, but the reigning Lord Vanglor has spies everywhere and Prupheen Gaz, slime-for-hire, brings Qali and Aoni before him (see full character sketches of Lord Vanglor and Prupheen Gaz below). Vanglor sees the miners as a threat to his authority, and plans to attack them. Qali agrees to help Vanglor in his coming offensive against the miners if only to have a way to get to his logic-drug again. His emotions are starting to come back, and he is desperate to numb them.
Qali marches at Lord Vanglor’s side during the attack, but his intent is only to get back into his base. He does not get the chance, for at the height of the battle, he and everyone on the battlefield are thrown into a vision of a Supreme Being. The vision stops the fighting immediately, but for Qali the implications are different, for in the vision he learns that the Relic of his people’s legend is on this planet. It does not take him long to realize that this Relic is what the illegal mining operation is after, and he vows to destroy it, not only to stop the miners from laying hold of its power but also to avenge his family for being destroyed in the search of it. Lord Vanglor also realizes that this vision showed the Orb of Power in his own legends, and he stops the fighting to negotiate with the miners.
Qali is able to get his logic-drug during this strained peace, but he finds it no longer works and goes into complete withdraw. He is taken in and cared for by Aoni and the growing group of believers in the Being, many of whom were healed on the battlefield and now desire to find the Relic to learn more about this God. Qali, his emotions active again, starts to care for Aoni as he would his own daughters.
The second wave of miners arrive, and when the operation’s leader, Kata Pretika Miers, learns what has been going on in her absence, she banishes the first wave from the bases (see full character sketch of Kata below). Lord Vanglor, seeing his opportunity, offers his cooperation to Kata in exchange for his share of the power. Qali, mostly recovered, starts organizing the believers to make their own offensive against the miners and Vanglor.
When the Relic is found, Qali makes his move against the bases. It has been discovered that the use of magic is now stronger near the Relic so Qali sends one force to divert the main action while he takes another smaller force to attack the base directly. Qali enters the base, having told his troops that he will enter, retrieve the Relic, and leave again. But Aoni suspects something different and goes in after him.
Qali enters the Relic’s hold and prepares to destroy it, but instead he has a personal vision with the Being, addressing his brokenness. Qali is thrown out of the vision by a blow to his back and finds himself in a struggle with Vanglor, there to steal the Relic himself. When Aoni comes in and finds them in struggle, she knows what she must do and gathers every shred of magic she has to destroy the Relic herself so no one will fight over it again. Qali sees her at the last moment and tries to stop her, but she has already started the process. Vanglor tries to cut down Qali in his lull of attention, but he is struck by Prupheen who was hidden in the room, arriving there before the others and also shaken by a vision. Qali gathers up the unconscious Aoni and makes it out of the base before it implodes with the destruction of the Relic.
The believers are victorious, but with the Relic destroyed they are at a spiritual loss. The Kalorbi arrive in response to Qali’s beacon and work to remove the miners that broke their law, but are also at a loss now that the basis for their religion is destroyed. But Qali, while nursing Aoni back to health, sees that the Relic did indeed lead his people to eternal life, in the person of the Being and not in the object itself. When he has gathered his courage he shares this with his people and the people of the land, and the Kalorbi take this good news back to their homeworld. Qali, finally having found peace, stays on the planet, adopting Aoni as his daughter.
Modifications to the Synopsis
1) The Kalorbi aren't after the Relic for anything but power and the power to live forever (they are convinced it will give them mental, and not mystical, power). They are a mostly atheistic society with the discovery and widespread use of their logic drug, which gives them the illusion that they no longer have the need for religion. A few of the old order still has remnants of belief, but these are generally discounted as extremists.
In this vein, I'm thinking that Qali used to be of the drug-refusing old order, but when his family was killed he severed ties with his "old" ways. This would be why he so virulently wants to destroy the Relic.
Also, when the Kalorbi come in the aftermath of the last battle, most of them are very angry that the Relic was destroyed, and Qali is forced to lead most of the believers into hiding. Only a base few of the Kalorbi might still believe that the Relic meant anything religiously, but they'd also likely keep this opinion to themselves...most of the time.
2) Vanglor should either be a prince (in the sense of the supreme-ruling Russian princes), a king, or be shown to be part of a tightly woven governing network with a supreme ruler at the head. The latter would make the story more politically complex, but might add extra motive layers to the villain as well if he's amongst scheeming noble houses and answering to his leader (who he's probably plotting to overthrow with the Orb of Power coming into the picture). I'd vote for the latter.
3) That the Being be a representation of God in the story, and though he is God in the story, to have another name.
4) The majority of the miners are "in essence" human - I'm not saying actually human, but human in the same way that Star Wars humans are "human." They are a lesser race in the galactic hierarchy than the Kalorbi, which might be part of the motive for trying to find the Kalorbi's Relic - best them in revenge at their own game, so to speak. Kata would probably be under contract or pressure from the human governments to find the Relic and bring it back to them - hence the reason for the Kalorbi suspicion - but has motives to keep and use it herself.
There are a few Kalorbi and other races with the miners, though, in places where their race capabilities will have preference. They are generally looked down upon by the humans, though.
[glow=red,2,300]Our Characters[/glow]
-----Qali Shayr-----
Qali is a type of wildcard - no one can quite peg him. He's a mercenary-type who seems to move only for his own use, but there are hidden undercurrents that he hides well. He would most likely be working for the "bad" factions, but have tendencies to do his own thing for his own motives to help the "good." So no one on either side really completely trusts him, neither do they write him off as harmless. He has blackmail tendencies on both sides.
Half of Qali's face is blue, a wide-swatch diagonal tattoo that cross-cuts his face from left temple, across eye and nose-bridge to the bottom left of his chin - a remnant of an assasin's gang past. He has short-cropped hair, small, compact build, very peircing and unyeilding ice-blue eyes. Square jaw, scarred chin. Qali can also smile, though, and be everything charming - when it suits his need.
Qali carries around a small feather-duster-like whip - not a lethal weapon, but an intimidating one, which he tucks in his belt.
Qali was once a quiet man, contemplative, poetic. He was a bard in his own right, and found great satisfaction in music. In fact, his great desire was to be a part of the Primera Orchestra, the performing faction for the ruler of the time.
Son of a wealthy merchant and engaged to the love of his life, Qali's life was made in every way. But then his wife was seen for her beauty and taken into the pool of the "ultimate specimen" women, women who were forcefully married to the nobles and high officials so that their family lines would continue to be beautiful and perfect. Qali's love was taken away from him by the cruelty of the system.
Qali was driven in grief to the streets, joining a violent gang to try and wreck vengeance on those who'd stolen his love. But the system was too great--he couldn't even get near them. So, when his training as an assasin was completed, he left the gang to work as a private mercenary for hire.
His ultimate goal, which he is subtly accomplishing, is to weave such a web of intrigue that he himself pulls the strings that hold the government officials, punishing them and brining down the system. This is his hidden motive, his only reason for living. He sees his fiance often, but does not speak to her, as she is married to an official. She doesn't even know who he is, as he is a far different man from the soft-spoken poet that she loved. But her life is horrible in her new marriage and that spurs Qali to his quiet fury.
Qali's disposition is like a gathering storm. He will brood for days, quiet and overhung with the heaviness of his grief and purpose. And then he will strike, quick as lightning, before retreating again into the clouds.
Inside of him there is still some remnant of that poet, but his anger is all that truly controls him now. He does manage to have some concern for others caught in the perils of the system, though, as inwardly he sympathizes and understands how they feel. But for himself, Qali has shut himself off from feeling. Or perhaps more accurately, he has made his feelings so acute as to punish himself for not being able to stop the legal kidnap of his love.
Now, picture a dark, cavernous warehouse, set low among the points of a spired city. An official sends three men to Qali for a job, and he meets them, brazenly without disguise, in the semi-light of the grimy place. Qali waits beside one of the supporting roof-poles, in silence, for the three to approach and still does not say a word as they stand before him. He despises their hooded faces, but does not show it.
"Be frank," he says, startling the three.
"Our master sends word to you, Qali Shayr."
Silence.
"He wishes you to find a way to eliminate the third consul."
More silence. One of the three extends a tube to Qali.
"This is the cartol. Three-fourths pint. One fourth more than you requested for payment."
Now Qali flips his short whip out, slapping hard the pole next to him and making all three thugs jump.
"Leave the vial. The job will be done," he says, then walks out without another word, in complete and unargued control.
-----Aoni-----
She is young--between 17-19. Her people are olive skinned and dark haired--similar to the Western Native American. Her eyes are duel colored, one dark forest-green and the other opeic blue. Because of this she is held high as a holy woman by some and feared as a witch my others. She lives alone with a little girl, named Koko, who she found abandoned in the forest.
She has learned through the years of living alone to harness the "magic" of the planet and use it to see into the future, and to heal.
One day she sees a vision of a snake rising from the great waters. The snake's mouth opens and spews black tar all over her planet. There are fires and death. All around her lay barren.
She knows this is a warning that something is to come. She will have to go into the "community" and tell the "peoples" in the great meeting place--the place where all the peoples come to make laws and keep peace between the different kinds--what she saw. But of course they won't believe her.
Description--As seen through the eyes of another:
Broden knew it was a woman instantly by the small form--no taller than his boy of thirteen summers--and by the light padding of her steps. He hadn't noticed her until she was almost up the path, and even then he had not heard her. Her form lay draped in a green, woolen cloak, despite the summer's warmth. And on her shoulder perched a small hawk. Obviously one of the Forest Ones by her dress.
He waited, curious as she walked up to him. She stopped several feet away and bowed in greeting.
Broden nodded in acceptance. "A fine morning for walking. Perhaps a drink to wash the dust from your throat." It was customary to offer travelers food and water during the traveling months, Broden only hoped to see her face. The Forest Ones were said to be ancient in their beauty.
She rested the hood back onto her shoulders and raised her head. Her eyes looked straight into his, one deep as emerald and the other opaque-blue as ice beneath the water.
His breath caught. A Fega, cursed by the gods.
He backed away and shook his head. This creature would be his families' undoing. "You must--" but she spoke, stopping him.
"I'm making my way towards the Master Road and am in need of rest for the night. The stables are what I prefer." Then she held out a pocket of herbs, hung on a string. "A talisman, to ward off evil. And I will not enter your door."
A crooked smile, tipped her mouth, and he had to hold himself in check to keep from returning it. If not for her eyes, her face would have been lovely, bronze and soft, her hair framing it in long black braids, woven through with berries and vines. More a child than a woman, but the promise of beauty lay just beneath the surface.
A Fega, such a pity. "You'll leave before sunup," he said, frowning, trying his best to look unaffected by her. Hillina would have his head for this one if she saw.
She nodded and he snatched the pouch from her, waving at the stables.
Again she pulled her hood up to shadow her face, then walked away, into the darkness of the barn.
A description of your character's personality: Stubborn and strong willed. She has fended for herself since the age of nine and depends on no one. The one thing that keeps her from becoming a hard shell is the child she has adopted named Koko. And even with her she can be harsh. She has taught herself many things--including the magic of herbs and earth, and the "seeing" that comes from her mother's side of the family she has perfected. She believes she needs no one, and has a bit of a sharp tongue.
This character's goals and fears: Her greatest fear is being alone (even though she won't admit this to herself). Her goal is to prove herself worthy of acceptance: by use of her mind and her magic. She fears men and shows this through anger at them any time they mention her beauty. For her beauty is the one thing they see as good, and the one thing that keeps her from acceptance. I believe at one time in her past a man hurt her--maybe her father, betraying her to the counsel when her mother had hid her deformity for so long, trying to save her. Then her mother was killed trying to save her from being shunned (not sure how--just throwing stuff out there).
The lesson this character needs to learn: First she needs to learn that she doesn't have to prove anything. Her strength of will is actually her greatest weakness. And second she will learn that the truth she thinks she's always known may not be real truth. In the end she will not be able to save herself and she will have to let go of her stuborn heart and side with one she once would have hated--swallow her pride and admit how she had been wrong.
Bring the character onstage in a way that perfectly captures him/her/it, including manner of speech (through Koko's eyes):
Koko began to break up the dry leaves, the minty smell of them soothing and sweat.
Aoni shook her head. "Not the hepsbud, Koko. It will keep the onions from being effective and double the potency of the larksin."
Koko froze and looked up. Aoni's frown made her one blue eye all the more frightening.
"Do you wish to turn Widow Plaker's hair white?" A smile peeked through the sharp corners of her mouth.
Koko shook her head. "I only liked the smell."
"Yes, well, the stronger the smell, the stronger the effect. This would have turned Widow Plaker's stomach to ash. If you like the smell you may put it in a pouch to wear around your neck. Tell people it keeps my evil at bay." Aoni let out a small laugh and waved Koko away, then leaned once more over her potion.
Koko didn't like the way Aoni spoke of herself being evil. It wasn't so, not even a little. Yes, Aoni could be harsh, but there was softness too. In the way she told Koko of the star legends and how at every turn she helped people.
"Stop staring so cow-eyed, Ko, and go pick me more volin buds."
Koko nodded and reluctantly wondered off into the trees in search of her guardian's favorite ingredient, the bud that was said to bring the eater favor and love.
-----Lord Vanglor-----
Lord Vanglor, human male, age 45. Picture a balding bear and you've got Vanglor: broad-chested, hairy, and quick to roar when provoked. Vanglor would love nothing more than to conquer the world.
The problem is, he can't due to funds.
Lord Vanglor is the last son of a dying house that's hit extremely hard times. He's nearly bankrupt and basically the laughingstock of the nobility, especially after a humiliating defeat at the hands of a big good-guy about five years ago.
Vanglor tries to scrape by with what little he has, but his neighbors keep encroaching on his lands, he's having trouble paying his goon squad, and it looks like Vanglor's about to be forced into the dregs of society as a pauper.
What he wants more than anything else in the world is power, enough power to set himself back on course to conquering the world.
And if said power were offered to him by a mysterious group of travelers from a "far away place," travelers who are looking for allies, he'd be very quick to jump at it.
> Okay. If I may do some slight modifications to the character...
Lord Vanglor initially doesn't want to conquer the world. He does, however, want to recapture his familial estate.
He idolizes the memory of his dead father, a ruthless warlord who conquered a fair amount of territory in his day. Vanglor's father willed the estate to him, much to the annoyance of Vanglor's younger brother.
As Vanglor lost the family fortune and the majority of the familial lands, he was tortured by the memories of his father and tormented by his younger brother. His brother calls him a failure; Vanglor fears that his father would have too.
He initially agrees to help those strangers from a "far off land" because they offer him the means to reconquer his familial lands in exchange for his help in whatever the travelers wind up doing. But once Vanglor sees the alien technology, he realizes that he has the means to surpass his father's conquests and finally silence his brother.
> If I may do some more modifications to the lead Bad Guy character...
Lord Vanglor initially does want to conquer the world but to recapture his Father's Empire. He idolizes the memory of his dead father, a ruthless warlord who conquered Half of the planet in his day. Vanglor's father left the Throne to him, much to the annoyance of Vanglor's younger brother who knows that it was Vanglor's incompetence that lost the empire and cost their father his life.
Vanglor had lost the family fortune, the majority of the familial lands and is tortured by the memories of his father and tormented by his younger brother. I see the younger brother being a cruel twisted teenager that hates his elder brother and calls him a failure. Vanglor fears that his father would have too. The queen is still alive but was crippled in the same assault that killed her husband. She is basically powerless in the patriarchal society and she too harasses Vanglor.
He initially agrees to help those strangers from a far off land because in exchange for his help in whatever they're doing they offer him the means to reconquer his father's empire. Once Vanglor sees the alien technology, he realizes that he now has the means to surpass his father's conquests and finally silence his brother and mother.
[Please read Part 2]