I've got no name for it :S

[J Jack]

Umm, I couldn't think of a title, but that's not the point of this.

Recently, I've been battling depression. It was quite severe, I stayed in bed for something close to a week, didn't go to classes and the like. I would dearly appreciate some support, this whole situation had caused me to question my belief and faith, and I was angry at God (we're still not on speaking terms) and I really need your help.

On a possibly related note, I've been experiencing severe migraines, the one I am currently in possession of has lasted for almost three days now. If you would I would appreciate a quick prayer or two.

J.J.

[duchessashley]

Dear JJ,

I know you don't know me, as I just joined, but I'll definitely be praying for you.

Service pledged deserves service returned. As it is with friendship.

[morganlbusse]

Will definitely pray, I've experienced similar episodes and come through with a much stronger faith and understanding of God. Has anything particular caused this (besides migraines)? Mine came at a time when my husband was laid off after being betrayed by a fellow christian leader. I was in complete shock at what had happened and if it wasn't for my strong belief in God, I would never again step foot in another church after what I had seen. Yet God worked through that period of time in my life as my family lived in my mother's basement, my poor husband receiving rejection after rejection for jobs he had applied for, no money, and no friends.
God loved me even when I was asking "why?" (quite forcefully sometimes), he helped me to forgive those who had wanted the worse for my husband, causing grief and despair for our entire family, and stretched my faith beyond what I ever thought capable when he came through with money when my daughter needed minor surgery and we owed on taxes.
God is big enough to handle our questions, our hurt, even our anger. But he's still there for you. And he loves you. And I will be praying for you (it seems sometimes that when someone is praying for you, it cuts the burden in half

[J Jack]

All of this was brought on by a great deal of emotional stress in life. It's a very long story, but I was just another college student who had fallen into the life and ideals we seem to have.

I thank you for your prayers, it means a great deal to one such as myself.

[scintor]

Depression and I are old sparring partners. Just remember, we can't help you up if you won't lean on us a little. Share your problems with us, the people here are gentle and caring. If you don't feel comfortable doing so on the public forum, theat's what PMs are for.

We're here for you brother.

Mark McDonald
AKA Scintor

[Christian Soldier]

Prayer's away, as always. Depression can be one of the worst things to go through, and to have a spiritual crisis in the middle... we shall certainly pray.

[seraphim]

Dear Sabre,

Hope you are feeling better. For what it is worth here is a link to a blog of someone I know which may prove useful. She is commenting on what she is learning from certain of the sad characters in the Borothers Karamotsov and relating to her own experience, her own dark days when she lost an infant child. It has some good insights you might appreciate.

bloggingsbetter.wordpress.com/2009/02/11/1702/

And to echo some of what she said, there's no law that says as a Christian you cannot suffer or should not feel sad. You are a human being and that is part of the huamn condition. Tears, sorrow, grief, and a dozen other things that don't go well with rainbow stickers are part of who we are, and are not themselves outside the bounds of or incapable of being vessels for our salvation, our sanctification.

I was reading yesterday a comment made by a survivor of Romania's infamous Piteshti prison which was dedicated to scientific psychological torture as a way of methodically breaking down and reconstructing the human psyche. He said something to the effect that small troubles, small frustrations lead to anger and bitterness...but great sorrow and great suffering lead to empathy and compassion.

It has been a long time since I was mad at God (though I've had occasion enough to be made at myself) since I felt somehow betrayed by what I took to be unfulfilled promises. My failures I minimized because I was a weak falible human, but He was God and if He was not willing or was not able to keep those promises then he should not have made them nor allowed me to believe them. It took someone else being in need for something that I had...a small nugget of theological experince from happier times past...it was either that or shut my mouth and leave him to figure things out on his own, if ever he would. For me it felt determinative, that more rested on this choice than most others...but to speak in my current frame of mind would have been very humbling...it would unmasked my hypocrisies, my carelessness. But I ate the crow and told him what he needed to know...today 20 or so years later he is a pastor, and I stopped being mad at God.

What learned is that it is okay to have doubts, questions, frustrations, so long as with them we keep hold of humility and no matter how hard we make it a point never to hide our wound from Him. Wounds can bleed out....or bleed in if they become places of engrafting. What I found was that all our wounds, no matter how painful are invitations to join ourselves to His wound, opened to recieve us in exchange of our life for His own. This does not save us from pain or sorrow or disappointments rather it saves our sorrows and pains from from being wasted, from being empty and without purpose by making them the intersection of our life with His, life out of death, beauty out of ashes. Each one becomes its own open door to the tomb, a new mouth to declare with St. John Chrysostom

"He that was taken by death has annihilated it! He descended into hades and took hades captive! He embittered it when it tasted his flesh! And anticipating this Isaiah exclaimed, "Hades was embittered when it encountered thee in the lower regions." It was embittered, for it was abolished! It was embittered, for it was mocked! It was embittered, for it was purged! It was embittered, for it was despoiled! It was embittered, for it was bound in chains!

It took a body and, face to face, met God! It took earth and encountered heaven! It took what it saw but crumbled before what it had not seen!

"O death, where is thy sting? O hades, where is thy victory?"

Christ is risen, and you are overthrown!

Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen!

Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice!

Christ is risen, and life reigns!

Christ is risen, and not one dead remains in a tomb!

For Christ, being raised from the dead, has become the First-fruits of them that slept.

To him be glory and might unto ages of ages."

And all those little mouths cry "Amen. Amen. Amen." Our wounds are where His power in the midst of death is proven. It is where we gain a truer vision of ourselves in the vision of Him. It is where our tranformation and transfiguration begin if we would be His disciples and not just His children. There are no magic fixes, no guarrantees of miraculous deliverance, or encyclopedic knowledge of the will and ways of God. Rather, mostly there is only the quiet victory of knowing that somehow in the midst of it all, the wound that should have killed us, the burden that should have crushed us has been mocked and embittered by Christ's life within, hidden, but present and inviting us to go in with Him deeper still.

[Jeff Gerke]

Depression is awful. The fears and the threats whispered in our ear can turn a perfectly good day--beautiful and without hardship--into a disaster.

Scintor is right, sabre; let us prop you up. Because like the song says, "It won't be long 'til I'm going to need somebody to lean on" too.

Jeff

[metalikhan]

Praying.

As one who has dealt with long term pain, I can say from experience that God supplies what's needed to endure it. Keep your eyes on Him. And know there are brothers and sisters here who love you and encourage you when you're in the battle.

[Jeff Gerke]

How are you doing now, Sabre?

Jeff

[J Jack]

I'm doing a thousand times better guys, thanks for your support. The story is too long to share with you, so I'll give you the highlights.

I was having major personal issues, and I was letting it build up and build up until the pressure cracked me like an old pipe. I snapped at the world, it was great. Anyway, I finally dealt with my own demons, most of them at least, and I beat the snot out of them. So I'm feeling on top of the world and I'm slowly praying and coming back to God.

Thank you very much guys, your support helped a great deal, and now that I'm back to my old self it's fantastic. I'm lovin life, just gotta start lovin God again.

[Jeff Gerke]

He can take it, Sabre. He'll be there when you're ready to talk again.

It's not getting the answers to the why questions that help. Usually we don't get them anyway. It's the persisting awareness that, as Michael Card sings, He will not walk away from you.

Jeff

[rwley]

My husband has been battling migraines for nearly two years now. When one hits, it stays around for anywhere from two days to two weeks. I know he's battling depression as well, although he won't admit to it. He goes to the neurologist at the end of March, but so far nothing has helped. I have to pray not only for him, but for me as well. Mainly so I don't just up and kill him. He's not fun when he's like this. I'm running out of patience. But I know it's not his fault that the pain won't stop, so I grit my teeth, pray again and again and the rebellion goes away.

I'll pray for your continued recovery Sabre, as I pray for Scott's. While I can only know what you're going through as an observer, I can get a sense of what you're feeling because I see it on Scott's face every day.

May God continue to surround you with peace no matter what else happens.

Robi