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Post by incisor on Sept 15, 2009 21:45:57 GMT -5
I have been writing on and off for years, this is my first try at exposing any work in a public venue. I guess it took a while to brace my self for honest opinions.
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Removed.. Have to decide what to do with it now.
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Post by metalikhan on Sept 16, 2009 0:36:05 GMT -5
Awesome story! I can't recall ever reading a story on alcoholism presented like this -- very imaginative. Drake's struggle against the creature is intense; he hates it and resists it even as he is yielding to it. Nice twist in showing the little demon creature as being a hunger rather than a thirst. Other than a POV break late in the story, the main problem I see with it has more to do with grammar and punctuation glitches -- and who among us hasn't fought on that battleground?  Well done! And welcome to the Anomaly, incisor! |
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Post by waldenwriter on Sept 16, 2009 0:37:17 GMT -5
Hmm interesting story...a little creepy, actually. I don't see any problems story-wise. In terms of proofreading and formatting errors, the story could be better formatted (like having more space between paragraphs) and the sentences overall seem a little run-on, probably due to some missing punctuation. So it could be smoothed out in that way. Overall, it is interesting, though.
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Post by incisor on Sept 16, 2009 13:50:51 GMT -5
Thanks for the feed back. I tried a little clean up on run ons. The Indentation of paragraphs seemed elusive and the automatic margin line wraps don't seem to come across even if I use the pre formatted text tags. Metalikhan, the POV shift I can't get a handle on that. Can you point it out.
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Post by Christian Soldier on Sept 16, 2009 23:20:45 GMT -5
Being the grammar nerd of the group, watch your commas! Still, it's a fantastic story. Thank you for sharing it with us
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