Discuss Story Bible 1.0 Here

[dulci]

I'm just gonna shoot straight here and fill in every blank that I've observed - and this is just how I see it, please, blast it to pieces. PLEASE!!! But I'm itchin to write!

Setting: I think we should concrete Lythia as the setting and basis for the fantasy religion. I'd list the Lythian people as well as the Hulud.

Adding to this:

[glow=red,2,300]Lythian Society[/glow]

Very religiously based, the Lythians's government is structured around a genetic caste system as follows (from lowest to highest):

Fega - the class of freemen whose appearances are always marked by two-color eyes. They possess an inherited magic, which they mostly use to guard themselves against higher castes. Most of these are regarded by non-mages as witches and gouls to be feared and persecuted, and as such live separate from "normal" Lythians. They are generally counted as sub-human and association with one can doom higher castes to suffer similar fates.

Fa-Ekan - slave class, holding no magic. Also regarded as sub-human, but not feared.

Ekan - peasant class, those who make up most of the population. They are very superstisious and hold no magic.

Aenta - petty noble class, the overlords of the peasants. The Aenta posess no magic.

Hergaard - military class. These posess minimal magic and are taught to hone it for use in battle.

Lyrena - the ruling class. These are the high nobles and rulers of the land. Some posess some magic, although many depend closely, almost symbiotically, on the Alder to enact magic.

Rygaard - the hawkers. This elite fighting class is above the ruling class, but claims no rule of their own. They posess the most magic of any class, but it is genetically useful only in their guidance and care of the hawks. They are generally given high respect in every manner.

Alder - the mages. An alder's word can trump a ruler's any day, but neither do they have the cunning to rule themselves, so they depend on the Lyrena to carry out their power.

Hedera - the priests. This caste is regarded as high and holy and to be feared by all. They posess only of enough of the black arts to convince themselves and the people of their communication with the gods. They are generally despised by the Alder, who are jealous of their power.

[glow=red,2,300]Lythian Government:[/glow]

The Lyrena King rules over the land with his Alder in joint rule. He also has a council of the highest Alder. Under him are the territorial princes, dukes, barons, and lords (in that order of seniority), all of which control fiefdoms or sub-fiefdoms (which would place baron or lord under a prince or duke), most with an Alder in joint rule. Under these are the lesser nobles, boyars, who rule the peasants of the land under their fife rulers. These do not often have Alders, or not very good ones at that.

The priests are present in the high court, as well as the fief courts. They function much as Egyptian priests did in terms of holding sway.

The military is by fife, with each fife accountable of providing forces to be used by the king if the need arises. The military is commanded by each fief ruler who in turn command the Rygaard hawkers (that ride the wild giant hawks) and the Hergaard infantry, cavalry and artillary.

Vanglor's land, and where the miners land and the story takes place, is in the Vanglor sub-fief.

[dulci]

Continuing...

[glow=red,2,300]Humans[/glow]

The humans are in a lower place of the social order of the galaxy. They have long ago spent their own world's natural resources and have such been forced to be a largely migrant society.

Their largest industry is their mining operations. This was mostly to meet their own needs until they designed and built portable mining cities, and now the mining corporations are contracted by societies across Known Space.

The human government is such that it is intricately entwined with the mining companies, which are essentially government operations. Mining crews are considered a part of the human military, and are almost always accompanied by military frigates. The commanders of the operations are always senior officers of Army Colonel or higher. Accompanying Naval vessels follow Naval ranks, and often carry Marine strike forces if needed.

The humans' religion is...well...humanist. It is militant in nature, and commaders and leaders are its preachers. The goal of the humanist religion is to restore humanity to its proper place (in control) of the Galaxy.

>>I propose we also add in Miksa Pole as a main character among the mining crew and possible love interest for Aoni.

[dulci]

[glow=red,2,300]Timescale:[/glow]

Lythia has a timescale of around 400 days/year, 26 hours/day. Day and night are counted differently than ours because of the two suns and many moons, but each day cycle lasts 26 hours.

All space-faring races use Standard Time, which is decimally-based: 20hrs/day, 10 days/week, 10 weeks/month, 10 months/year and so on and so forth.

When a mining base is landed, they continue on Standard Time. On populated homeworlds and colonies time is dual, people keeping track of both local and Standard Time.


[glow=red,2,300]Languages:[/glow]

Lythians speak Lythian, with dialectal variations.

Humans speak human, as an affront to other races and to bolster their own pride. Those dealing with them must always use translators or else learn their language.

Kalorbi speak their own language as well as Galactic Trade - the universally accepted pidgin language of inter-galactic dealings.

Lythians translate between language by the Alders, who posess gifts of language. Some Fega are also reported to have this gift (they also have their own language) but regular Lythians do not solicit their help.

All galactic races use computerized translators to sample and translate new languages as the need arises, but this process can often take days to adequately gain communcation. Crude communication can be engaged in a pinch.

>>I also propose we lock in the op-Taidh/Mamumosa/Paporger societies to have diversity and trade in the fantasy world.

We could probably use a map too.

[terry]

Sounds great. I will have to print this stuff out to keep everything straight. Thank you.

[mongoose]

Sounds to me like Dulci's got it all worked out. Theoretically, he/she could kick off the story and the rest of us follow his/her lead, refering back to this thread when needed.

I really don't think, though, that we need to worry ourselves too much about hashing out the details before hand. Rather, just write the story and let it flow. After all, it's how I operate when doing my own writing. I have a basic idea of the plot, characters, and setting when I begin, something like what Jeff wrote up in the story Bible. The rest just falls together as I go along, with me writing whatever makes sense as the outcome of the previous situation and events.

Likewise when I'm working with other people. We just play off of each other. If I say that my PC, bob, is a quiet guy, then everyone else continues writing about Bob as a quiet guy. If someone then up and writes him as yelling and screaming, someone's got to explain that aberation from Bob's usual character. But as a general rule, if I created it, then what I say goes. I created Bob, so everyone follows Bob's profile when writing about him. If you are first to post about the city of the great pearl, then anything I write about the city has to jive with what you wrote.

I don't see the need to describe these things in advance if we can just read everything as it gets posted and follow along in sequence, remaing true both to the story bible and to what has been posted earlier. It really works very well, and doesn't result in a disjointed story if everyone's on the same page with it. Thus the story Bible, which is more detailed than anything I've seen done in collaborative stories in the past; stories which worked quite well.

However you decide to do it, carry on, but keep in mind that it's half way through April now.

[Jeff Gerke]

First, let me say, "Dulci, amazing work here!" I hope you don't feel too much that you're carrying us all right now, though I think you actually are. For the moment you have the clearest vision of where this is going.

If you're itching to write, so are the rest of us. We're itching to be able to figure out where we can reengage and begin contributing again.

I like Mongoose's suggestion that we not worry too much about figuring everything out beforehand. We do need to get some basics laid down, and you're doing that, but there's room for flexibility and creativity as we proceed.

My question now is this: How do we get from where we are right now to where we can begin writing? You've built most of the bridge, dulci, and done an admirable job of it. But I for one am still not clear on what to do next.

I don't want us to "assign" certain scenes to certain writers. From the outset the idea has been for everyone to be able to write whichever part(s) he or she likes, even if someone else is covering that element, too.

Because I'm a plot-first guy, my inclination is to go, "Okay, now that we know what we know, let's break Act I down a bit more. What needs to happen in the very first scene? Then what needs to happen after that?"

If it were me doing this alone, I would come up with a bulleted list of scenes or plot elements, and then just start writing them. Which one comes first? Which one is next? Etc.

Someone want to take Act I and come up with a bulleted list like that? Or is there a better way to do this?

I think that when we have a list like that we'll be able to begin diving in, each picking the parts we want to write.

I guess another question becomes: Do we want to write this thing sequentially, no one writing scene two until scene one has been written? Or do we want to lock down a detailed Act I bulleted list and then just let people pick whatever parts they like, and write them in any order?

Last comment: We haven't talked about how long this piece is going to be in its final form. Short story length? Novel length? Novella? Epic trilogy?

We don't have to figure that out now, but I want people to be comfortable with the idea that it can be as long--or as short--as we end up making it. If only one or two writers are contributing, we can let it be short story length. If we end up having so much fun that we're nearing novel length, we'll just go for it.

Jeff

[dulci]

I'm really sorry if I've been overloading here! I did feel like I was carrying it a bit, but I tend to delve into whatever I'm involved with and didn't know what else to do. From comments made before I had also been assuming that we were going to be writing non-linearly in each act, and to me that meant some groundwork had to be laid or we'd all lose eachother. (I have a hard enough time keeping worlds/characters straight in my own works, and we have quite a bit more here than I usually start with!)

It's also been hammered into me as I study the nuts and bolts of writing spec-fic that it's essential to have some very-base world guidelines to work with or the story falls apart or else lacks meaning. I usually work like mongoose said in my own writing and go back and do very extensive worldbuilding between rewrites, but I don't think we have quite that amount of luxory here.

I really didn't mean to take over and I don't want to work that way! If any of that stuff I just hammered out doesn't work or you guys don't think is necessary for the moment, feel free to discard at will!

In any case...

I am not a plot-first writer (actually, I'm "scene-moment" first--which I guess means character-first), so needless to say I won't be doing the nitty-gritty plotting... My first drafts are too rambling to qualify there.

I'm not sure how ELSE we would do it than to come up with a list, though. Unless we simply just want to start writing and spin off of eachother. That might be really cool, but I can also see that taking a lot longer than a spit-fire list to work from. It might lead us to unknown and awesome territories...or it might make us ramble into nothingness too.

On length...maybe we need to feel that one out? With all these POVs I can't immediately see this whole thing being shorter than a novella, but then we probably won't know till the writing starts.

If I start pulling heavy again, please, give me a hollar and I'll back off! (Sorry!)

[Jeff Gerke]

Please don't hear what I said as any kind of reprimand, dulci. I'm grateful to you for what you've been doing and I want you (and others) to feel free to keep doing it. I meant it at face value when I said you are the one with the clearest vision of the project right now. I also meant it when I said that the rest of us are watching your input with interest, waiting to spot the "on ramp" we can use to rejoin you in the process.

It's not your job to provide the on ramp and it's not that you're keeping anyone out. You're laying the road right now and we're all thankful to you for it. We're eager to be able to help you again. But sometimes certain projects have to be moved forward by just one person for a while.

Anyone want to tackle the more detailed Act I bulleted list? Seems to me that's what needs to happen next. Maybe it's YOUR on ramp and an opportunity to help move us all forward.

This is a team effort and we're all pumped. All are welcome and loved, baby.

Jeff

[dulci]

Thanks Jeff, I was worried I was stepping on toes (and glad I'm not!). As it is, my on-ramp is sort of exhaused at the moment anyway. It was a feverish spree to squeeze out everything above there, and the lemon's dry. For the moment I'll watch others make lemonaide.

[dulci]

I do have a suggestion in regards to plotting. I'm wondering if we should just lay out Act 1 for now, as plenty of plot bunnies could show up in the writing and we might have to adjust anyway.

[Jeff Gerke]

Yes, that's what I'm thinking, too. Just Act I for now.

Jeff

[Jeff Gerke]

Okay, here's my first pass at figuring out the scenes and elements that need to be written in Act I.

Note that some of these can be combined into scenes that accomplish more than one objective or element. Others may take one or more scenes on their own to do.

Take a look at this and see what I've left out. Don't start writing yet! Let's get this thing locked down and then we can each choose elements and scenes we want to write and we can be off to the races.

Note that I've endeavored to maintain a rough chronology of events below, but several of them can be done out of the order I've listed them in.

Act I Elements

• Establish the ticking time-bomb, possibly in a prologue (see Tip #20 at www.wherethemapends.com/writerstools/writers_tools_pages/tip_of_the_week--11-20.htm)
  
• Introduce the protagonist, Qali Shayr (see Tip #15 at the same link as above)
  
• Introduce Qali's dependence on the logic drug
  
• Also introduce the Relic and Qali's dedication to finding it and destroying it
  
• Introduce the SF world (by having a scene take place there; remember not to stop the story for paragraphs and paragraphs of exposition, backstory, and telling; SHOW instead)
  
• Introduce the Fantasy world (same note: show, don't tell)
  
• Establish what our protagonist is doing when the story begins (landing with a portable city to set up a new mining operation for the Kalorbi, I think)
  
• Introduce Lord Vanglor and show how he reacts to the strange new structures that have appeared in his realm
  
• Introduce Aoni
  
• Introduce Prupheen Gaz
  
• Show the portable city come under attack by the fantasy people [Question: is this a full attack sponsored by Vanglor or a spontaneous attack carried out by townspeople with pitchforks?]
  
• Show Qali realizing that this planet is inhabited, after all, and show him deciding what he must do about it (try to leave the base to get to a place where he can send a beacon to the Kalorbi Heirarchy)
  
• Show how Aoni catches him
  
• Show Qali trying to convince Aoni not to turn him over to Lord Vanglor or otherwise reveal his presence (and show her agreeing, right away or eventually, to conceal him)
  
• Show the beginnings of romance between Aoni and Qali
  
• Show how Prupheen Gaz discovers and apprehends Qali
  
• Show Prupheen Gaz bringing Qali (and Aoni) before Lord Vanglor
  
• Show the scene in which Lord Vanglor investigates Qali, tries to figure out what species Qali is, and tries to understand what kind of power he's up against in these spacefaring strangers [important scene]
  
• Show Qali's growing need to get more logic drug in a hurry (going through withdrawal; his emotions are returning, and along with them, his painful memories)
  
• Show Vanglor determining that the miners are a threat to his authority, and show him deciding to plan an attack against them
  
• [Question: has Qali succeeded in sending his beacon to the Hierarchy?]
  
• Show Qali agreeing to actually help Vanglor in his coming assault on the portable city--and show why he's doing this: to get a chance to send the beacon, to gain access to his logic drug again, etc.
  
• Show the preparations for Vanglor's assault on the portable city / mining operation
  
• Probably need to show what's going on in the portable city in Qali's absence--is someone else in charge? are they worried about him? have they had contact with their fleet? what are they thinking and doing about the indigenous life that wasn't supposed to be here? have there been any further attacks by the locals?
  
• Show Qali giving Vanglor crucial information about how to defeat the laser and other defenses the portable city will throw at them [here is he showing how low he will stoop to get his fix?]
  
• Show Qali and Aoni and Prupheen marching with Vanglor's army and beginning the attack on the portable city
  
• Show Qali and Aoni's steadily progressing romance
  
• At one or more places along the way we need to see that Qali is constantly on the search for the Relic; maybe he asks everyone he meets whether there might be something like that on the planet; maybe Aoni can point out that he's asking about religion a lot for someone who claims to not believe in anything
  
• [Question: how is Qali thinking to get more logic drug by conducting this attack? Does he think that he can help his group annihilate the miners and then he can get the drug? Or is he hoping to use the battle as a distraction, slip away from Vanglor in the confusion, and sneak into the portable city to get his stash of logic drug? In other words, if he's helping this attack in order to get his drugs, how does he intend to pull that off?]
  
• Show the beginning of the battle
  
• Show how the portable city's defenses and defenders react to the attack
  
• Also show whether or not the city's defenders spot Qali among the attackers (and, if so, whether they think he's a traitor or a prisoner, etc.)
  
• Show the middle of the battle and how it looks like it's going to resolve [do we want to make it so that the fantasy folks are able to use Qali's information to overwhelm the SF defenders or do we want to make it so that, despite Qali's help, the SF defenders are going to crush the fantasy attackers?]
  
• Show Qali enacting his plan to sneak away and get his stash
  
• Show how EVERYTHING is brought to a standstill by the appearance of the Being
  
• Show the entire scene of the Being's appearance--what it's revealing, what it's talking about, what it's asking, etc. (be sure to include a prominent mention of the Relic)
  

I actually think we should end Act I right there. Everything has been introduced and now the element that begins the real story has come onstage. Everything changes now.

Okay, how does that look? What pieces have I missed? What have I gotten wrong? What are the answers to the questions I've raised?

Let's get this hammered out quickly. Then it can become the blueprint, the working document from which we all take our cues.

Jeff

[dulci]

Awesome!

There is one fairly major thing I spotted that will either have to be hammered out differently or else characters changed: the romance between Qali and Aoni. Well...Aoni is written as extremely young, a teenager. And Qali is older, had a family AND years in between to work his way into what he is. I had it in the synopsis as this:

Qali, his emotions active again, starts to care for Aoni as he would his own daughters.
and
When he has gathered his courage he shares this with his people and the people of the land, and the Kalorbi take this good news back to their homeworld. Qali, finally having found peace, stays on the planet, adopting Aoni as his daughter.

In possible answer to the problem above and this question:
Probably need to show what's going on in the portable city in Qali's absence--is someone else in charge?

I propose this: the character of Miksa Pole be in charge of the mining city. He's probably angry that his security chief went missing and suspects Qali...and perhaps in the attack on the city he sees Qali and is enraged. But after the Being appears and things are mixed up, Miksa is attracted to Aoni and vice versa - with the obstacle that Qali is constantly around Aoni in a fatherly way, and Miksa still doesn't trust him. Could possibly be a love triangle of sorts as Miksa might misread Qali's affections too. And Miksa could be very effective "innocent" obstacle for Qali's goals as well.

In any case, what I'm driving at is that I think we either need to give Aoni an alternate love interest or readjust Qali and Aoni's ages!

[Question: is this a full attack sponsored by Vanglor or a spontaneous attack carried out by townspeople with pitchforks?]

I would think this is a local townspeople attack: they are more likely to be very close to a city and their lands immediately threatened, plus Vanglor would have to have more time to muster an army. He'd also have more immediate reason for caution, and perhaps this attack (and the showing of the city's danger) is what leads him to plan and mount his fullscale attack.

[Question: has Qali succeeded in sending his beacon to the Hierarchy?]

I would think so. The beacon had to be sent to get the Kalorbi to come later, and since Kata and Co, are on the second wave of the mining operation and possibly already on their way, it would stand to say that it could require twice that amount of time for the message to reach the Kalorbi and for them to arrive themselves. Plus, it might be hard for Qali to have any other chance to send this beacon. And maybe it is the act of launching the beacon itself that prompts Aoni to challenge him.

Probably need to show what's going on in the portable city in Qali's absence--is someone else in charge? are they worried about him? have they had contact with their fleet? what are they thinking and doing about the indigenous life that wasn't supposed to be here? have there been any further attacks by the locals?

--I think the leader might concoct a lie to cover Qali and keep the miners from panicking. Might even try to conceal the fact that there are people on the planet to keep the miners from reacting. The leader probably has his own suspicions of Qali, though, as Qali IS Kalorbi and not truly trustable to humans.

--On contact: perhaps there is no contact, only original orders. In this, the leader would probably know what he was getting into, and the orders to work around situations that might arise. Off-record orders, of course. 2 reasons for this: it might complicate things for communciations to travel faster than a ship is able to travel, and it is also believable that the miners would not want to communicate over long-distance, as the communications can be apprehended.

--I also don't think there'd be more attacks by the locals...they'd probably be very afraid and supersticious as the first attack has doubtless already been made into nightmarish legend. Unless there were no initial survivors (but I think for the purposes of the story it would be better to have at least one who escaped).

Show Qali giving Vanglor crucial information about how to defeat the laser and other defenses the portable city will throw at them [here is he showing how low he will stoop to get his fix?]

Probably...I would think that Qali has reasoned to himself also that he has no choice but to help - Vanglor no doubt keeps him in tight reign and in his emotional state Qali knows he won't even have a chance to get away unless he helps in some way. Plus, what does he owe the miners? Maybe to him they are merely his job, and he's already sent the beacon. Plus, maybe he'd rather they'd be overthrown anyway so he can access the locked databanks to find the Relic.

[do we want to make it so that the fantasy folks are able to use Qali's information to overwhelm the SF defenders or do we want to make it so that, despite Qali's help, the SF defenders are going to crush the fantasy attackers?]

Perhaps, in interest of suspence for the main character, it would be best to have the miners on the higher-scoring side. In any case, it would probably be wholesale slaughter. But perhaps Vanglor expends wave after wave, penetrating the city at some points but continually repelled. Maybe something similar to the odds of the *beginning* of the battle of Helm's Deep in LotR, when the assault on the stronghold is just repelled and repelled... (Vaglor being the one repelled)

That's all I see for now - if I catch something else I'd try and jot that in here too!

[Jeff Gerke]

All right, here's an effort at making the corrections Dulci pointed out.

Act I Elements

• Establish the ticking time-bomb, possibly in a prologue (see Tip #20 at www.wherethemapends.com/writerstools/writers_tools_pages/tip_of_the_week--11-20.htm)
  
• Introduce the protagonist, Qali Shayr (see Tip #15 at the same link as above)
  
• Introduce Qali's dependence on the logic drug
  
• Also introduce the Relic and Qali's dedication to finding it and destroying it
  
• Introduce the SF world (by having a scene take place there; remember not to stop the story for paragraphs and paragraphs of exposition, backstory, and telling; SHOW instead)
  
• Introduce the Fantasy world (same note: show, don't tell)
  
• Establish what our protagonist is doing when the story begins (landing with a portable city to set up a new mining operation for the Kalorbi, I think)
  
• Introduce Lord Vanglor and show how he reacts to the strange new structures that have appeared in his realm
  
• Introduce Aoni
  
• Introduce Prupheen Gaz
  
• Show the portable city come under an impromptu attack by the local fantasy people who live nearby
  
• Show Qali realizing that this planet is inhabited, after all, and show him deciding what he must do about it (try to leave the base to get to a place where he can send a beacon to the Kalorbi Heirarchy)
  
• Show Qali successfully activating the beacon
  
• Show how Aoni catches him
  
• Show Qali trying to convince Aoni not to turn him over to Lord Vanglor or otherwise reveal his presence (and show her agreeing, right away or eventually, to conceal him)
  
• Show the beginnings of paternal feelings of Qali toward Aoni
  
• Show how Prupheen Gaz discovers and apprehends Qali
  
• Show Prupheen Gaz bringing Qali (and Aoni) before Lord Vanglor
  
• Show the scene in which Lord Vanglor investigates Qali, tries to figure out what species Qali is, and tries to understand what kind of power he's up against in these spacefaring strangers [important scene]
  
• Show Qali's growing need to get more logic drug in a hurry (going through withdrawal; his emotions are returning, and along with them, his painful memories)
  
• Show Vanglor determining that the miners are a threat to his authority, and show him deciding to plan an attack against them
  
• Show Qali agreeing to actually help Vanglor in his coming assault on the portable city--and show why he's doing this: to get a chance to send the beacon, to gain access to his logic drug again, etc.
  
• Show the preparations for Vanglor's assault on the portable city / mining operation
  
• Meanwhile, back in the portable city, Miksa Pole (who is in charge of the mining city) is angry that his security chief has gone missing and he suspects Qali is up to no good (because he's Kalobi and therefore not really trustworthy); nevertheless he concocts a lie to cover Qali and keep the miners from panicking; he even conceals the fact that there are people on the planet to keep the miners from reacting
  
• Show Qali deciding to help Vanglor in the attack in order to sneak away during the battle and gain access to his logic drug
  
• Show Qali giving Vanglor crucial information about how to defeat the laser and other defenses the portable city will throw at them; here he's showing how low he will stoop to get his fix; what does he owe these miners, after all? (he also holds onto the hope that the fantasy people might overthrow the SF miners, thus giving Qali access to his drugs and the databanks so he can search for information about the Relic)
  
• Show Qali and Aoni and Prupheen marching with Vanglor's army and beginning the attack on the portable city
  
• Show Qali's steadily progressing feelings of fatherly love toward Aoni.
  
• At one or more places along the way we need to see that Qali is constantly on the search for the Relic; maybe he asks everyone he meets whether there might be something like that on the planet; maybe Aoni can point out that he's asking about religion a lot for someone who claims to not believe in anything
  
• Show the beginning of the battle
  
• Show how the portable city's defenses and defenders react to the attack
  
• Miksa Pole Qali among the enemy troops and is enraged (he might also spot Aoni on the other side of the enemy lines and think, "Hey, who's the babe with Qali?")
  
• Show the middle of the battle--though Vanglor sends wave after wave against the SF defenses, the lasers and such are just too sophisticated--it's going to end badly for Vanglor and his troops
  
• Show Qali enacting his plan to sneak away and get his stash
  
• Show how EVERYTHING is brought to a standstill by the appearance of the Being
  
• Show the entire scene of the Being's appearance--what it's revealing, what it's talking about, what it's asking, etc. (be sure to include a prominent mention of the Relic)
  

Let's end Act I right there. Everything has been introduced and now the element that begins the real story has come onstage. Everything changes after this.

Is this ready to be posted as our blueprint?

Jeff

[dulci]

Looks good to me.