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Post by j2starshine on Mar 2, 2010 23:24:45 GMT -5
Thanks for the information dragonlots. This is kind of ironic, but we write speculative fiction to help make the invisible visible in some cases yet we forget that we are still in a spiritual battle ourselves. Thanks for the reminder.
~j2
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Post by tris on Mar 3, 2010 17:34:38 GMT -5
I attended a local sf convention last spring -- got invited by a friend who runs with the 501st stormtrooper brigade. It was a lot of fun and I did sell five books ---more than I usually do at mundane ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) book fairs. The biggest problem for me is the distance --- rural Texas does not have a plethora of sf fans (much less conventions) around. With three kids in college, conventions are a rare treat!
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Post by dragonlots on Mar 12, 2010 14:31:45 GMT -5
Platform – every writer needs to know what this word means. Roughly translated it means what you, the writer, are going to do to self promote your book. Almost every publisher expects you to have one and many ask for it as part of your proposal. So be prepared.
There is a possibility that you’ll hear at a conference that you don’t need to have a platform until after you sell your book. NOT TRUE! You should already have a plan in place ready to implement when you get the contract and then your book is published. Pre-marketing will help sales because it builds anticipation. When the release comes – you really hit everything you have set up full throttle.
I’ve been doing this for several years with ‘Winter Awakening’. I already know I will have several sales when it is released. I just have to keep everyone informed.
Some places to begin:
Personal website – this should include some information about yourself and your work. Links to your publishers site is a good idea so the potential reader can go directly there to order if they’re interested.
Also, many people do want to be able to know something about the writer and if they can’t find you, then you’ve lost a potential reader.
I myself use my profile page on Fanfiction.net. I do have plans for a more professional site, but since most of my readership is here, I’m not too concerned about it right now.
Blog – many writers do this. Some update daily, bi-weekly, weekly, or rarely. Be sure if you tell your readers I update every Monday, that you keep that promise. Otherwise you’ll lose your readers.
You can also put links here to your work, or other writer’s sites. It will also help sell your work if you can come to publisher and say, ‘Hey, I get fifty hits a day on my blog site.’ It informs them you already have a readership and will not have to go through the process of developing one. It’s a selling point.
Special note here – it takes time to build a loyal readership so don’t expect it to happen overnight. Most bloggers have to patient and realize it will take at least three years to gain a loyal base. For me myself, it took five years on FFN. So be patient.
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Post by waldenwriter on Mar 18, 2010 21:46:36 GMT -5
Thanks for all the tips dragonlots. I've been trying to market myself as well. I am currently taking a forum-based class in marketing for writers at the site of a Catholic writer named Karina Fabian. It looks promising so far. Plus, I'm taking a class called Internet Presence for the Small and Medium Business for the web design certificate I'm pursuing (as a day job to have until I hit the big time). So I'm trying to collect pearls of wisdom from both. I found this blog post which lists a lot of great ideas writers can use to market themselves: llbookreview.com/2009/04/marketing-tip-madness/I also purchased the latest copies I could find of both the secular and Christian Writer's Market guides. These seem to provide a lot of leads for getting your work out there. I do have a writing website ( www.reneedlevine.com), a blog ( waldenwriter.livejournal.com), and some social media connections. But since I don't have anything published yet, a lot of the articles I've read about marketing for writers don't really work for me, since a lot of them are written for those who have books out.
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Post by dragonlots on Mar 23, 2010 13:29:30 GMT -5
Okay, here are two examples of what I have done for my marketing platform.
1. Volunteered to be on panels at Conquest in Kansas City over Memorial Day weekend. When I checked the site I was very pleasantly surprised to find myself listed in the ‘Special Guest’ section. I didn’t expect that. This means I have to check with my editor to find out for certain when at least one of the anthologies I’m in will be out so I can take copies to the Con. Also, decide which story I will read from and practice.
2. Via SciFi chat which David Rozansky moderates on Twitter, I made contact with Jacqueline Lichtenberg a long time fixture in the SF world and who has her own cult following. I asked her if she still did reviews. She does. She has agreed to review ‘Winter Awakening’ when it is released. She also asked me if I currently had a book out for her to review. I told her truthfully, not yet, but I would be a couple of anthologies this year.
These are two things that I have done and I’m hoping it will give others of you some ideas. Sorry this week’s entry is so short. I broke my foot and have had to keep it elevated and iced to keep the swelling down. Sort of limits my activity.
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Post by brianjones on Mar 25, 2010 18:05:54 GMT -5
Urph, did a reading poetry in my class, I was the only one who had some real out there fantasy poetry(though the dude with the Keebler Elves poem was hilarious) I felt really weird but my teacher said I had some real nice sounds in my poetry. I did one based on Beren and Luthien and one on a fantasy world I'm working on. How I pictured I would read them and how I read them were two different things, however he didn't ask me to speak up so I guess I was loud enough. Writing something on an origional work sure left me in my underwear in front of the audience though. There was some pretty powerful poetry, I really want a copy of that Keebler Elves Poem though that was great.
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Post by dragonlots on Mar 26, 2010 11:24:51 GMT -5
I’m fortunate to one of the few writers actually formally trained to do readings. Metropolitan State College offers a course called Oral Intrep, it’s part of the Speech program and is mandatory as part of the program. My minor is in Speech. When I took the course I figured out very quickly how it could be used to help writers.
I have volunteered to teach/run a workshop called ‘How to do a Reading’ at several writing conference. Only one nibbled and put me on their reserve list last year. I’m thinking this is a huge need but the folks who run the WC’s haven’t really figured that out yet. Won’t stop me from trying.
Point of interest here – I will work with any writer who wants to be able to do a good reading. Now, unless you catch me at con or possibly at conference in which case you’ve already paid your fee, I won’t do this for free. But my rate won’t be unreasonable either.
Brianjones – poetry if one of the more difficult forms to write. I took a poetry course in college and discovered I had a knack for it. Amusing thing was that the instructor fancied herself to be one of those poets who would long be remembered in the future. She had all the techniques right, but was unable to connect with the general audience. Her work was only understandable in the academic world.
The class I was in was filled with very talented poets. Many of us published before the course ended. Luckily for us, our teacher didn’t resent the success we had. It was very humbling for her.
As for the poem you read, let me share this with you. I wrote a lot of poetry in my class. However, the two the class enjoyed hearing, and the teacher didn’t, were the ones I wrote based on some art work I found. They were fantasy. Both have been published. I gauged the ‘success’ of the poems by the class reactions, the general public as it were, instead of what my teacher thought.
Public speaking, of any kind, is one of the fears our society has. Even I feel like I’m going to be sick before hand.
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Post by waldenwriter on Mar 26, 2010 23:01:39 GMT -5
It's very strange. I took speech both in 8th grade and in 9th grade, and attended several speech meets. I got 3rd place in a 4-Way Rotary Club Speech Meet and 2nd place in Lower Division Original Oratory at the ASCI (Association of Christian Schools International) Senior High Speech Meet. Plus I took one speech class in junior college - since it's required as a transfer class by the CSU system - and did fairly well. I also acted in plays in junior high and in my senior year of high school and took an Elementary Acting class in junior college. In short, with all that experience I should not be afraid of speaking in public. But when it comes to reading my work aloud in public, I get super nervous. I remember being scared to death the first few times I read my work for the writing workshop club I'm in, and to this day I get rather nervous doing it (though I'm starting to loosen up). At the most recent workshop meeting I attended, I decided to switch things up and read some poetry that I was thinking of submitting for consideration for the upcoming student reading (rather than the novel I've been workshopping with them), and negative things were said about every one of them. This not only made me not want to do the student reading at all, but reminded me of a painful junior college peer review experience where some negative comments on my composition caused me to start crying and have to go the bathroom to compose myself. I hadn't felt that way about critique of my work for a long time. (Naturally, it didn't help that I'd lost my wallet the day before and my lunchbag that day and was waiting for the meeting to end so my mom and I could go get the wallet back from the person who'd called our bank to say she'd found it). Aside from that, I'd have difficulty doing readings because I have an eye contact issue. Every time I've done a speech in class, I've gotten marked down for not having enough eye contact. I don't know if it's because of my social difficulties (due to my Asperger Syndrome) or if I just have issues looking people in the eye. Usually when I give a speech I look toward the back wall, because somehow I thought you were supposed to do that. Apparently not. ![???](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/huh.png) I'm glad that speech classes are helping you with your readings though, dragonlots.
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Post by dragonlots on Mar 27, 2010 1:31:43 GMT -5
Waldenwriter – actually, the trick is not really to make eye contact with your audience but to appear that you do. Picking a point over their heads but looking up at your listeners is a secret not many use. No, not the back wall, even I don’t do that.
I’ll share a bit of a secret here. I have reading glasses. I still look up at my audience but don’t really see them. However, it gives the impression that I’m including them in the reading. They don’t know any different unless I tell them.
Critiques, good and bad are hard to take. My only comment is – you need to get thick skinned. If you thought what your classmates said was horrible – wait until you work with a professional editor. It’s much worse! I’m fortunate that I got to work with a very good editor for over a decade. It was hard at first but I finally got to the point where I couldn’t wait for her edits so I could make the story better. I also took a number of college level writing workshops. I’d rather face an editor than a room full of English majors!
That’s why I warn anyone I read for that I am NOT an easy editor/reader. If they’re easily offended, I’m not the person they want reading their work. I don’t sugar coat. I am honest. I suggest. I say what I like and what’s not working. I correct grammar, spelling, punc. and other things. I’ve seen writers improve and seen those who run away.
As for your Asperger Syndrome, I’m going to share something I’ve never told anyone. I had a form of autism that started about fourth grade and I lived with until my late thirties. No one knew because I could function in the real world but I was disconnected from it. Finally, I got tired of it and told God I wanted to change. I had no reason to, I was honest there, but I didn’t like the way I was living. Granted, it took bringing my husband into my life and giving me a reason to change. Still, God healed me. Otherwise, I’d still be hiding behind my ‘safe’ wall.
The Bible tells us that by ‘his stripes we were healed’. Meaning, it’s already done. Jesus didn’t come just to redeem us. He came for us to be healed physically, emotionally and mentally. I’m living proof of what God can do in our lives. I was even healed of my allergies to cats, much to the surprise of my allergist who thought all my problems were due to my fur babies. Not to mention healing much more quickly of many serious injuries to the astounded surprise of my doctors.
There are a number of verses in the Bible that also talk about healing. We’re to have a sound mind and not live in fear, hard to do right now with the economy being in the pits and jobs hard to come by. I struggle everyday yet I know God will meet my needs. He did for the many years I was single. He’ll continue to. My needs are just different right now.
We need to really shine right now despite what’s going on. Do I fall short? Sure I do. I’m still human. Our heavenly Father understands that. We aren’t going to learn if we don’t fall down and scrap our knees every once in awhile.
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Post by journeyman on Mar 27, 2010 19:20:56 GMT -5
I agree, dragonlots, we are called to a ministry that proclaims the Gospel to all who will hear.
I also agree that the LORD still is in the healing business and never left it. St. Augustine's Retractions is testimony of a continual 2000-year plus ministry of healing, both in the body and soul. I have experienced healing on many levels over the past 10 years and it's on-going. I still suffer from ADD, although I have experienced some healing there.
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Post by waldenwriter on Apr 1, 2010 16:13:39 GMT -5
Waldenwriter – actually, the trick is not really to make eye contact with your audience but to appear that you do. Picking a point over their heads but looking up at your listeners is a secret not many use. No, not the back wall, even I don’t do that. I’ll share a bit of a secret here. I have reading glasses. I still look up at my audience but don’t really see them. However, it gives the impression that I’m including them in the reading. They don’t know any different unless I tell them. That sounds interesting dragonlots. It sounds better than imagining your audience in their underwear and all that rot that they tell people who are afraid of public speaking. Critiques, good and bad are hard to take. My only comment is – you need to get thick skinned. If you thought what your classmates said was horrible – wait until you work with a professional editor. It’s much worse! I’m fortunate that I got to work with a very good editor for over a decade. It was hard at first but I finally got to the point where I couldn’t wait for her edits so I could make the story better. I also took a number of college level writing workshops. I’d rather face an editor than a room full of English majors! I know I need to get thick-skinned. I thought I was over being all sensitive about my writing. But I guess I'm not. Or maybe I'm so worried about what people think of me that I react the wrong way. I really don't know. I think I was vulnerable that day because I was tired and in a bad mood. It doesn't help that the workshop group is run by officers like we've got. The club's four officers are all buddy-buddy with each other and all write WAY differently than I do, all avant-garde and such. I get the feeling they think they know everything because they're seniors and are in the invite-only 500-level Advanced Creative Writing Workshop class. I dread their critiques more than anyone else's in the club. I mean they're helpful I guess. But they always find something wrong with my writing and they nitpick a lot. I guess I feel like they're attacking me when they're attacking my writing, and I know that's stupid but it's true. While my main characters are not deliberate Mary Sues, they are often based off me somewhat, and honestly every character ends up with something of me in them, or with something of some ideal I have, or some aspect I hate in others. So it's personal. That’s why I warn anyone I read for that I am NOT an easy editor/reader. If they’re easily offended, I’m not the person they want reading their work. I don’t sugar coat. I am honest. I suggest. I say what I like and what’s not working. I correct grammar, spelling, punc. and other things. I’ve seen writers improve and seen those who run away. I definitely would hit hard on the grammar, punctuation, and spelling. I'm kind of a nut about that. I have difficulty keeping myself from commenting on that sort of thing when such commentary is unnecessary, like every time I walk past the signs the deli manager has posted so her workers know what to do and see the word "debris" spelled "debree," among the other mistakes I see on them. Or the sign on their cooler that says "Cooler must be kept neatly and organized." It's part of the blessing/curse of my extreme attention to detail. (Like yesterday I noticed the Easter ad sheet for the deli was in red and green writing and was wondering why they used Christmas colors for the Easter ad sheet). But in terms of critiquing content, I'm a poor judge. Whenever I critique someone's work on here, my critiques are all lame things like "I like this. This character is interesting. I think the story is going very well" but never anything actually useful. I don't know if it's a fear of criticizing another person due to being unschooled in the writing craft myself (and thus haven't earned the right to give good, useful criticism), or if I'm afraid what others will say if I'm harsh, or if I'm just a lousy critiquer. Particularly when I find myself telling people they need to show more than they tell, I feel like a hypocrite because people have been telling me to do the same thing. As for your Asperger Syndrome, I’m going to share something I’ve never told anyone. I had a form of autism that started about fourth grade and I lived with until my late thirties. No one knew because I could function in the real world but I was disconnected from it. Finally, I got tired of it and told God I wanted to change. I had no reason to, I was honest there, but I didn’t like the way I was living. Granted, it took bringing my husband into my life and giving me a reason to change. Still, God healed me. Otherwise, I’d still be hiding behind my ‘safe’ wall. Wow that's interesting. I wouldn't have thought you had ever had autism. I do feel very disconnected from the world, like I was born in the wrong generation. I'm not into the things people my age are into. Like in my early high school years when Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, Blink 182, Britney Spears, the Spice Girls, etc were popular, I wasn't into them. I also wasn't into going to school sports games, which I think made some people doubt whether I had any school spirit to speak of. It reminds me of something that happened the other day. I was on the train going to the library to get some books to read and ended up sitting across from a African-American guy with dreadlocks. He told me as I was getting my iPod out (since I wasn't really into talking to him) that he doesn't like iPods because they "isolate people." Well sometimes that's what I want to do is isolate myself. Music helps me focus for some reason. I am annoyed sometimes with how unsocial I am -- like right now, if I were normal and social, I could be out enjoying my spring break with my friends instead of sitting at home writing this post. But I have gotten into a habit -- I think especially since my recent confirmation of my AS -- where I feel like nothing can be done. I can try and try and try and I will never be good at making friends. Ever. I will never have a time when I will not prefer to be alone than with people. But in another sense I can't stand that. Normal people make friends. Normal people don't actively try to be alone all the time. Normal people leave the house and interact with other people. Normal people my age have their own place and a car and a roommate and maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend. Normal people can hold down a job for years and not worry all the time that one mistake might get them fired. Normal people don't anger the receiver at their work because their attention to detail results in them bringing back a lot of damaged items for said receiver to mark down. Normal people are NORMAL, and I am not one of those people. The Bible tells us that by ‘his stripes we were healed’. Meaning, it’s already done. Jesus didn’t come just to redeem us. He came for us to be healed physically, emotionally and mentally. I’m living proof of what God can do in our lives. I was even healed of my allergies to cats, much to the surprise of my allergist who thought all my problems were due to my fur babies. Not to mention healing much more quickly of many serious injuries to the astounded surprise of my doctors. I do want that kind of healing. But in a sense I don't know what I'd do with myself if I suddenly was healed of my condition. It's like how I don't know what I'd do with myself if I went on say Biggest Loser and lost all the extra pounds I have. I've never been social and I've never been thin, ever in my life. And since I don't deal well with change, it would be ten times worse. I'd rather have things be familiar and comfortable then step out towards something new. And I know that's totally un-Christian; we're supposed to step out of our comfort zone as Christians - I've heard it all my life. God doesn't like complacency. So I think I fear that if I let God heal me of this, that the cure will be worse than the disease. I'm already adrift in this vast sea we call the world as it is, I'd rather not be more adrift. There are a number of verses in the Bible that also talk about healing. We’re to have a sound mind and not live in fear, hard to do right now with the economy being in the pits and jobs hard to come by. I struggle everyday yet I know God will meet my needs. He did for the many years I was single. He’ll continue to. My needs are just different right now. We need to really shine right now despite what’s going on. Do I fall short? Sure I do. I’m still human. Our heavenly Father understands that. We aren’t going to learn if we don’t fall down and scrap our knees every once in awhile. ![:'(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cry.png) I don't know what to say to that. You're a much stronger Christian than I am. I couldn't have that sort of peace. I think I might've had it once, when I was younger. But I just can't right now.
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Post by dragonlots on Apr 2, 2010 12:29:18 GMT -5
Waldenwriter. I have a long time friend who has AS. For years he’d come to the filks, and still does sometimes, and he’d sit in the corner strumming a guitar, because being in the social situation made him uneasy. With continued support and acceptance from us, I’ve worked really hard to make Denverfilk a ‘safe’ place, he’s been going to more cons, doing concerts, performs professionally at the local folk theatre, and even will, now and then, have a conversation with people.
This did not happen overnight.
My goal for DF has never been to become a great big group. Instead, I focused on raising people up and have seen God work with each of them because of my heart desire. We’re become an extended family.
Just to explain, this is NOT a Christian group. This is a secular gathering. I could go on and share other examples, but not at this time. What I will say is that they have seen me both at my best and my worst. I have never pulled the ‘holier than thou’ routine. It has given me credibility so when those rare moments surface to witness, they fall on more willing ears to hear. God’s timing – not mine.
Also, I wouldn’t call myself a stronger Christian. More experienced, yes. Have my moments of doubt? You bet!
And healing doesn’t always happen overnight. I’ve had a few where it’s been instantaneous. Other times, it takes a long while - weeks, months or even years. I still struggle with the autism issue now and then, but I’m getting better.
I also suspect I know what triggered it. There were a combination of factors and no, I won’t go into them right now.
However, who’s to say what ‘normal’ is? Are we judging by the world’s standards? Or God’s? Or by what we ‘think’ we should be compared to what we are?
I spent a lot of my teen years in isolation. I had a few friends, you know, the not popular crowd. We did sometimes do stuff together. Not very often though. My twenties and thirties were much the same. I would rather be at home, alone, then out doing things with other people. Or if I did go do stuff, I went alone. I also didn’t date much. Why did I need a man in my life? I secretly wanted one, but realistically, I couldn’t see how one would fit into my life style.
I still do stuff alone. Being married hasn’t changed that. In fact, there are times I’d rather leave hubby at home and go window shopping by myself. There are times I do stuff with him and times I say, no, I don’t want to go, see you later. I enjoy my time by myself.
I did live on my own for many years. I also had to go back and live with my parents for a time. I wouldn’t worry about not having your own place. With the economic changes, many are choosing to stay at home or have been forced to after finishing college. It’s not abnormal today.
Here’s my philosophy on jobs. It’s all fluid. I’m not loyal to my employer and they’re not loyal to me. Either of us can say ‘good bye’ at any moment. God is my sufficiency, not my paycheck, not my employer.
He’s proven that over and over with my being unemployed. Let me share a few things. I didn’t really know a lay off was coming, but I had a lot of extra money in my bank account. I left it alone. Now, I NEVER have that much saved, so it was a little strange. Early March – I got laid off. I got a decent severance package. It took six weeks to get used to being at home. I did have an interview at the end of March, but the job didn’t pan out. I wanted in the company to move into their training department – they wanted someone who ‘wanted’ to be a file clerk.
I had problems collecting my unemployment. I couldn’t reach customer service. I prayed and through a series of odd circumstances, I finally reached them and got it straightened out. However, because the Cobra payment would take a fifth of my money, hubby arranged to get me on his. Took some arguing but he finally succeeded.
I got to do an ‘unofficial’ internship at small publisher. This motivated me to really work on my writing career. My first submissions got rejected. I kept plugging away. At the end of December, I started to get acceptances. I still got some rejections, that’s part of a writer’s life, no matter how well known you are.
Started to get nervous about how soon the unemployment would end. Via Facebook a friend suggested I send my resume to a tutoring company she was writing the training manual for. I got hired. I tried a second tutoring group, got hired by them as well. Didn’t work much during Nov/Dec because of all the holidays, but busted my you know what in January and February. Ran out of regular unemployment in Jan. God covered. I made enough tutoring to pay our expenses.
Got the EUC – finally. Went through another set back with unemployment as my tutoring hours began t drop. Still, had enough for groceries, gas and bills. Took me a week and half to get through to try and get that fixed. Prayed – got through the same day. Thought I had lost the EUC and panicked. One of my SF artists friends said, ‘Hey, you need help, I have no problem buying you guys groceries. In fact, I know someone at the food bank and I’ll get you set up.’
I took a chance and filed for unemployment anyway. On the same day I got the official notice, I discovered I’d gotten paid. We’re financially okay for right now. God covered.
Now, I’m not saying this all happened immediately or without tons of praying and more than a few sleepless nights.
God promised He’d take care of us. That’s in several verses.
He promised to take care of all our needs according to His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus.
Jesus taught that the flowers and animals don’t toil, but God feeds them. If He cares about them, how much more will He do for us?
He knows our needs before we ask, but wants us to ask anyway.
What I haven’t shared here is this – I very badly wanted to have a summer off. I got that. I wanted to be able to have a real Christmas break. I got that. I was exhausted from doing the jobs of three people. I got rested. I wanted time for my writing. I got tons of that and the progress in that arena has been wonderful. In fact, this year is pretty much covered and I’m beginning to think about where to submit to for next year.
Am I making a bunch of money? No. But I have learned through this difficult time what really is and is not important. How to separate my needs and take care of those first, before I look at my wants. It’s amazing at how much happier I’ve been than what the world teaches you. This time has also been very good for my marriage. A whole other story I won’t go into.
It took getting laid off for me to get shaken out of my complacency. Know what? I’m glad!
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Post by waldenwriter on Apr 2, 2010 23:45:18 GMT -5
Waldenwriter. I have a long time friend who has AS. For years he’d come to the filks, and still does sometimes, and he’d sit in the corner strumming a guitar, because being in the social situation made him uneasy. With continued support and acceptance from us, I’ve worked really hard to make Denverfilk a ‘safe’ place, he’s been going to more cons, doing concerts, performs professionally at the local folk theatre, and even will, now and then, have a conversation with people. That's cool that he is gaining the courage to do that! This did not happen overnight. My goal for DF has never been to become a great big group. Instead, I focused on raising people up and have seen God work with each of them because of my heart desire. We’re become an extended family. Just to explain, this is NOT a Christian group. This is a secular gathering. I could go on and share other examples, but not at this time. What I will say is that they have seen me both at my best and my worst. I have never pulled the ‘holier than thou’ routine. It has given me credibility so when those rare moments surface to witness, they fall on more willing ears to hear. God’s timing – not mine. Wow. That's cool. That's very true, I think the group has seen me on good and bad days too, but we don't have that level of trust I'm afraid. Also, I wouldn’t call myself a stronger Christian. More experienced, yes. Have my moments of doubt? You bet! I remember one of the pastors at my church saying something in the recent "Faith and Prayer" sermon series they did about how our culture's idea that faith and doubt are incompatible is wrong. I did find that reassuring, because I've always seen doubt as a bad sign. I accepted Christ when I was 7 years old (and I'm 25 now) and grew up in a Christian home going to church regularly and even going to a Christian school. So I guess I have expectations of where I should be after 18 years of being a Christian - unfair ones, probably, but still. For one, I thought I'd be SO much more mature now as a Christian, but I feel like I'm still in elementary school in terms of my faith journey. I'm not super on fire for God or witnessing and I don't pray about what to have for breakfast and other things that to me seem too trivial to pray about (but then again, at my church they were just talking about how nothing is too trivial to bring to God). I'm still in a bit of a legalistic mode, where if one day I don't do my Bible reading in the morning because I'm running late and don't have time (or if I just forget), and then my day at work is bad or something, I find myself blaming it on the fact I didn't read my Bible that day. (Granted, I've had bad days on which I did read my Bible too). I also get all riled up about the idea of applying what the Bible says to my life. I know I ought to do it, and then I run into books like Leviticus or the first several chapters of 1 and 2 Chronicles and have no idea what a bunch of ritual and statutory laws and lists of "he begats" have to do with my life. Actually, I'm not quite sure what Christians' stance on the Old Testament and its application to our lives is supposed to be. And healing doesn’t always happen overnight. I’ve had a few where it’s been instantaneous. Other times, it takes a long while - weeks, months or even years. I still struggle with the autism issue now and then, but I’m getting better. I also suspect I know what triggered it. There were a combination of factors and no, I won’t go into them right now. Yeah, sometimes it's gradual. For me, life itself seems to be a daily struggle. I don't know if I should keep trying to be normal or just accept the fact I'm not and do the best I can. However, who’s to say what ‘normal’ is? Are we judging by the world’s standards? Or God’s? Or by what we ‘think’ we should be compared to what we are? I don't know. I just feel behind other people my age who have cars, apartments, and the like. It's like when all my friends seemed to know what they wanted to do with their lives and I didn't. I was jealous and couldn't understand why I'd somehow missed the train leading to that knowledge of future careerdom. I spent a lot of my teen years in isolation. I had a few friends, you know, the not popular crowd. We did sometimes do stuff together. Not very often though. My twenties and thirties were much the same. I would rather be at home, alone, then out doing things with other people. Or if I did go do stuff, I went alone. I also didn’t date much. Why did I need a man in my life? I secretly wanted one, but realistically, I couldn’t see how one would fit into my life style. That's exactly how it is with me! In my case, boys never seemed all that interested in me, though I had a few guy friends in high school and have had some since (mainly coworkers). I took that awful jerk to my school's Christmas Progressive Dinner (which was Sadie Hawkins) on a friend's suggestion my sophomore year because I was so sure none of the guys in our grade would want to go with me. The friend and her boyfriend were supposed to meet us there, but they didn't and the guy and I ended up by ourselves the whole night since he went to a different school and didn't know anybody. That was the one time I ever let a guy other than my dad or brother touch me even semi-intimately -- we were sitting on a bench at an ice skating rink and since it was cold, he offered to put his arm around me to warm me up, and I let him. It felt nice, but in retrospect it was kind of uncomfortable (especially since it turned out the guy was more for a physical sort of relationship, if you know what I mean). Since that bad relationship, I have been very afraid of developing feelings for boys. I don't want to get hurt again, and I know I have the weakness of getting too emotionally involved too quickly, especially with boys who are nice to me (since I was teased a lot by boys in school). Even one of my coworkers told me I need a boyfriend (but then she's been married three times herself). I'm getting worried a little because I think I have a crush on Petar, one of the checkers at my work. He's originally from Bulgaria but now lives here. He's cute, he's really nice to me, and I have to admit his slight accent is - for me anyway - kind of sexy. But I don't want to fall too fast for him, and going out with coworkers is never a good idea anyway. The only reassurance I get from even finding boys attractive is the knowledge that I am still interested in boys and thus am a normal woman. Not that anyone has accused me of being homosexual, but if I seemed too much like a woman who wasn't into boys, I suppose such accusations could arise. I worry though if I'll ever find a boyfriend. A lot of people at work see my purity ring - which I wear on my left hand ring finger - and think I'm married. And the only guys who seem interested in me are weirdos on the bus and such who are probably more interested in my rather large bosom than me. These guys have tried to hit on me, and some of them could be my father. It's creepy with a capital C. I still do stuff alone. Being married hasn’t changed that. In fact, there are times I’d rather leave hubby at home and go window shopping by myself. There are times I do stuff with him and times I say, no, I don’t want to go, see you later. I enjoy my time by myself. My mom does that too. While she and my dad go a lot of places together, they each need their alone time. They don't have AS, though, they're just introverts. What you said reminded me of Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine, where there is this fairy Lucinda who's known for giving gifts to people at births and weddings that she thinks are great but in reality aren't so great -- like the main character's curse that forces her to be obedient. Toward the middle of the book, Ella attends a giants' wedding and Lucinda is there. She ends up giving the happy couple the gift of being together always. They can't ever leave each other, even if they have an argument. I think that would be awful (and so do Lucinda's fellow fairies). While God intended woman to be a companion and helper to man, I think if we were forced to be together all the time we'd go nuts. I did live on my own for many years. I also had to go back and live with my parents for a time. I wouldn’t worry about not having your own place. With the economic changes, many are choosing to stay at home or have been forced to after finishing college. It’s not abnormal today. Yeah that's true. It's also very hard to get an apartment out here in Southern California because it's so darn expensive. It has been that way for a while. Plus, aside from the recession, California's own budget is not in great shape either, making it doubly worse for us. It reminds me of something someone said on a political commentary program my dad was watching the other day. They were talking about illegal immigration issues and someone said President Obama already had an effective deterrent against illegal immigration -- the recession. Here’s my philosophy on jobs. It’s all fluid. I’m not loyal to my employer and they’re not loyal to me. Either of us can say ‘good bye’ at any moment. God is my sufficiency, not my paycheck, not my employer. That is true, jobs are fluid. But I still want to do as good of a job as I can while I'm at this one, because when I try to get other jobs in the future, they'll call my former employers to find out about me. He’s proven that over and over with my being unemployed. Let me share a few things. I didn’t really know a lay off was coming, but I had a lot of extra money in my bank account. I left it alone. Now, I NEVER have that much saved, so it was a little strange. Early March – I got laid off. I got a decent severance package. It took six weeks to get used to being at home. I did have an interview at the end of March, but the job didn’t pan out. I wanted in the company to move into their training department – they wanted someone who ‘wanted’ to be a file clerk. I had problems collecting my unemployment. I couldn’t reach customer service. I prayed and through a series of odd circumstances, I finally reached them and got it straightened out. However, because the Cobra payment would take a fifth of my money, hubby arranged to get me on his. Took some arguing but he finally succeeded. I got to do an ‘unofficial’ internship at small publisher. This motivated me to really work on my writing career. My first submissions got rejected. I kept plugging away. At the end of December, I started to get acceptances. I still got some rejections, that’s part of a writer’s life, no matter how well known you are. Started to get nervous about how soon the unemployment would end. Via Facebook a friend suggested I send my resume to a tutoring company she was writing the training manual for. I got hired. I tried a second tutoring group, got hired by them as well. Didn’t work much during Nov/Dec because of all the holidays, but busted my you know what in January and February. Ran out of regular unemployment in Jan. God covered. I made enough tutoring to pay our expenses. Got the EUC – finally. Went through another set back with unemployment as my tutoring hours began t drop. Still, had enough for groceries, gas and bills. Took me a week and half to get through to try and get that fixed. Prayed – got through the same day. Thought I had lost the EUC and panicked. One of my SF artists friends said, ‘Hey, you need help, I have no problem buying you guys groceries. In fact, I know someone at the food bank and I’ll get you set up.’ I took a chance and filed for unemployment anyway. On the same day I got the official notice, I discovered I’d gotten paid. We’re financially okay for right now. God covered. Now, I’m not saying this all happened immediately or without tons of praying and more than a few sleepless nights. God promised He’d take care of us. That’s in several verses. He promised to take care of all our needs according to His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus. Jesus taught that the flowers and animals don’t toil, but God feeds them. If He cares about them, how much more will He do for us? He knows our needs before we ask, but wants us to ask anyway. What I haven’t shared here is this – I very badly wanted to have a summer off. I got that. I wanted to be able to have a real Christmas break. I got that. I was exhausted from doing the jobs of three people. I got rested. I wanted time for my writing. I got tons of that and the progress in that arena has been wonderful. In fact, this year is pretty much covered and I’m beginning to think about where to submit to for next year. Am I making a bunch of money? No. But I have learned through this difficult time what really is and is not important. How to separate my needs and take care of those first, before I look at my wants. It’s amazing at how much happier I’ve been than what the world teaches you. This time has also been very good for my marriage. A whole other story I won’t go into. It took getting laid off for me to get shaken out of my complacency. Know what? I’m glad! Wow. That's some story. I desperately feel like I need time off too. I feel like I can't relax a lot of the time. I think that was part of why I wasn't super serious at looking for a job after I was let go from the Christian bookstore -- I liked having the free time. I wouldn't have gotten a job as soon as I did -- like three months afterward -- if my parents hadn't pushed me to look for work. I didn't really want to work at a grocery store -- in my middle-class mentality I guess I thought I could do better -- but I was desperate. But out of it, I got a steady job with good pay through which I am able to pay my parents rent every month, pay them money for my cell phone bill (which is under my dad's name because it's a family plan), buy most of my own groceries, pay to host my websites and buy a bus pass every month, and even give money to church every month. I get great benefits, even though I am a part-time worker. Also, it's a unionized job, which keeps it fairly secure from the recession. Even with that, I didn't think I'd stay with the job that long, since I don't seem well-suited for it. I was wrong -- this January was my three-year anniversary of working there. That is the longest I've ever worked at a job. Plus, the job works around school well, and I'm even getting Sundays off now, so I can start going to church more regularly. And since I only work 24 hours (which works for when I'm in school), I get a lot of free time (though I don't always spend it doing things like working on my writing career). I'm glad you shared all that with me.
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Post by dragonlots on Apr 3, 2010 12:32:54 GMT -5
Waldenwriter,
I was a late bloomer. The only thing I knew I wanted to be was a writer. I never thought about what else I wanted to do. I didn’t exactly get the encouragement I needed from my parents and had a father who was trying to ‘push’ me into what he wanted me to do. That didn’t work out very well. Long story and I won’t go into the details.
I’ve had a series of what I consider ‘loser’ jobs. They paid the bills but there was no future there. In my thirties I was fortunate to land in a great company that had everything I wanted. Unfortunately the company was sold and everyone lost their jobs. I can honestly say I haven’t had what I consider a ‘decent’ job since. They’ve been worked strictly for ‘survival’, even the one that paid very well that helped pay for my college degree. Or as I laughingly say, I did a lot jobs and now know what I don’t want to do.
What I will share is that my last full-time job was pretty much dead end. It was in the mortgage industry and I knew what everyone did and had no desire to move up from my lowly file/mail clerk position. My last nine/ten months there were, in my opinion, a waste of my time and talent. The bad part is, employers will only contact me about file or mail room jobs. Grrrr. Or sales, which I wouldn’t do for ANY reason.
In November, a friend gave me a lead for a tutoring company. I found a second and have been working for them. I have a couple more weeks before it ends. Luckily, I’m still collecting unemployment which will help. I’ve loved it by the way. Working with the children has been the most rewarding job I’ve had in a long, long time.
I do have an interview for another file room job with a company five minutes from my house. It’s not ideal and I, like you, feel I should be able to do better. However, I’ve decided if I get this job the trade off will be worth it. It’s dead end. I know that because I know enough about the company to know they don’t have anything beyond a paycheck to offer me. What I get in return is a short commute, more time to work on my writing, won’t spend as much on gas, in fact, I might be able to ride my bike during the summer, and I don’t have deal with very much traffic. Not to mention having to sit, and sit, and sit, not moving when it snows.
At this point of my life, I’ve decided a working career is pretty much a joke and what is important is my writing. My goal is for me to help pay off our debts so we can live my husband’s salary and I can quit and stay home. I do have a time frame in mind because there’s only so much time I’m willing to waste. I’m in what they call mid life crisis. It has really made me re-evaluate what is and is not important. My goals at this point in my life are completely different than when I was younger.
I know many young people are impatient and unhappy with the current state of economy. So are a lot of mid life workers who have gotten laid off. Most of us realize we’re going to working well into our seventies and that retirement is pretty much not going to happen.
Bottom line, you have time. You’re just starting out. It takes many years to get what you want. I’ve learned that from talking to others. Most work twenty to twenty-five years before they finally get the position they were after. There are a few exceptions, but not many. Seems our schools fail to teach that to the next generation.
My advice on legalism – toss it out. It produces guilt. ‘There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.’ That’s in Romans 8.
About the Old Testamont - Paul, in his writings said that anything written afore time is for our learning. I don’t know the exact book or verse. That includes the Gospels I believe. Pretty much Acts and beyond pertain to us. But, we can learn from examples like King David, and Ruth and many others. And isn’t it wonderful to know we’re free of those horrid laws which those of the past had to follow?
Legally, former or current employers can not tell any potential employer more than to confirm that you worked there and I think what you made. They can’t give them any other info on you or else they risk being sued. This is why you need personal references.
The best piece of advice I can give any single woman or man is this – give being single to God. Tell Him you’d like to find someone, but in His timing, not yours. Then be patient and wait. We’re promised God will give us the desires of our heart if we seek Him first. Trust that when you’re ready and the person being prepared for you is ready, you’ll meet.
I met my husband when I was thirty nine. I wouldn’t have been ready for him before then. And don’t think that everything will be perfect. We’ve had our ups and downs and almost separated a couple of times. God has kept us together.
And I do understand your situation. I too, felt like there were nothing but creeps out there. My next piece of advice I will give is to remember you’re looking for a diamond in the rough. Paul said in marriage steel strengthened steel. I didn’t understand what that meant. Now I do. You help each other smooth out your rough edges and then the person starts to shine. It’s a process.
Books I recommend are and many of these are older titles: ‘Why Do I Think I Am Nothing Without a Man?’ by Penelope Russianoff, PH. D. ‘Smart Women, Foolish Choices’, don’t remember the author. ‘The Joy of Being a Woman’ by Ingrid Trobisch. ‘TheTotal Woman’ and ‘Total Joy’ by Marabel Morgan. Granted, these two are to help marriages in trouble, but they’re good reading for singles. ‘The Act of Marriage’ by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. Meant for couples but good reading for singles. ‘Fascinating Womanhood’ by Helen B. Andelin
These are a mix of Christian and secular books. I don’t always agree with the secular. You read them keeping Biblical principles in mind.
I too, don’t always use my free time for writing. I have other hobbies like my dollhouses, house work that has to be done, or I do just need downtime to watch a movie, read or relax not to mention two cats and a husband who need attention. Don’t get all guilty over this. We’re multi-faceted people. I’ve accepted the fact I’m a sporadic writer. I can live with that and am seeing the positive results by being able to accept myself as I am.
As for Denverfilk and the level of trust we have. This group has been together for ten years. Originally, someone else started and was running it. He had to drop out when his wife became very ill. I took over running the group by mutual consent. Now, you have to understand that it is very rare for a Christian, in SF circles, to end up in a leadership position. This was totally a God thing. I have had to tell one person he wasn’t welcome anymore. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. No, I won’t go into details. It was best for the group otherwise I think it would have split us. I didn’t want that.
I’m also part of Christian writing group. I’m not at the level of trust I am with DF. I’ve been encouraged, not judged, and they cheer my successes in the secular world while I cheer for theirs in the Christian publishing market.
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Post by dragonlots on Apr 3, 2010 12:37:16 GMT -5
There is more I intend to cover on social marketing, networking and the like. As I discovered when my first story got published, which happened just a few days ago, I had a number of places to announce this.
Facebook Twitter My Space The Anomaly forums General family announcement My Fanfiction.net profile page
Later, I will cover these in more detail and how to best use them.
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