Can you condense your plot to one sentence?

[stormiel]

At first glance I didn't think I could but it is easier than it sounds. Here's mine.

A young woman must risk her freedom to save her father, and her life to continue his work.

Your turn

[Kessie]

Stormiel: The blurb doesn't tell me much about what your conflict is. The template I always use is this:

*WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS*, *YOUR PROTAGONIST* *PURSUES A GOAL*. But will he succeed when *ANTAGONIST PROVIDES OPPOSITION*?

The blurb for my current WIP looks something like this:

Carda's newfound space and time magic helps him battle a college rival, but trying to clean up the mess afterward lands Carda on the wrong side of magical law as a world-eating storm closes in on Earth.

Previous version: A guy inherits a truckload of magic and does everything wrong with it, landing him on the wrong side of both the law and the dark angel poised to escape her prison dimension.

Some of my other stories in the series so far:

A failed assassin goes on the run with the bounty hunter hired to find her across the floating continents of a shattered planet, fleeing the mastermind who hired them both.

And ...

A werewolf time mage tries to solve the puzzle of why his friend and his friend's dead body apparently exist at the same time.

[newburydave]

Jeff and other teachers call this your elevator talk.

You are at a writers conference and you get in an elevator with an editor and she asks you if you're a writer.
"Yes, I am."
"Oh, really. What's your latest book about?"
<<Bingo!>> The clock is running. You now have thirty seconds to pitch your latest manuscript to the editor before you arrive at her floor.

The recommended length is 15 words with 25 words as the maximum. It is an advertising tag line to hook the editor/selection committee/potential reader's interest.

I like the elements that Kessie lays out in her template; however one of Jeff's successful elevator speeches was this; "A renegade physicist goes back in time to kill the Apostle Paul."

I think the five things that you mention, Kessie, are a must in the book jacket summary (five sentences), and the one page summary (five paragraphs); but the impression I've gotten from the chatter among published experts is that the one sentence summary should be just enough to make people want to learn more.

Of course your mileage may vary, and I only have the experiences of others to draw upon since I live too far East to get to any of the book Cons.

Write on Sibs

SGD
dave

[Resha Caner]

Can you condense your plot to one sentence?

Which plot? With regard to the story I'm currently working on, that's between me and the brilliant publisher who recognizes my genius, which is yet to happen. So, you'll have to wait until it's released. ;D

A group I was in practiced doing this for LOTR. My version was:
Everybody wants the ring. Nobody gets it.

I did do a few catch phrases for some of my past works (though they aren't really plot summaries). Things like:

1) A story about love, but not a love story.
2) When two worlds first touch, they do not greet each other with a kiss. They collide.
3) Xavier's Father wanted 26 children. He just didn't want Xavier.

[newburydave]

Dec 16, 2012 1:23:01 GMT -5 stormiel said:

At first glance I didn't think I could but it is easier than it sounds. Here's mine.

A young woman must risk her freedom to save her father, and her life to continue his work.

Your turn

Stormiel;

May I offer a crit of your elevator speech?

One of my bugs (i'f you've ever gotten critiqued by moi) is compound sentences. If you write action then simple sentences are best. This is especially true for an Elevator Summary. You want to punch the hearer in the eye with your main plot point; explanation that doubles back and raises questions diffuses their attention and that's bad.

After you deliver it you want your "editor", "potential customer" to walk away saying to themselves, "Oh, yeah that's the book about the sacrificial daughter."

You want to leave a simple thought in their mind that they can hold onto, and call you back.

When I first read your sentence I was confused by the way you tacked on

"... and her life to continue his work."

Up to that point you were cool. Simple, in your face main plot point. Then the comma and you lost me.

Huh? Save her life, continue his work?

I'm not sure how that goes together into a simple thought. Now maybe those are major plot points in your novel, and I assume that you draw them out so they fit logically together and make sense; but IMHO you're trying to put too much into your elevator speech.

My advice: Your E-speech is merely a foot in the door; hit 'em in the eye with your most Important or Intriguing plot point to make them want to see more and leave them with an itch to ask. Jeff said that E-Speech of his that I quoted above got him his first publishing contract (I think) and it wasn't even the main plot point of his novel. But it was the most intriguing.

Bottom line, it got the job done. He got to pitch his book to an editor and the rest is history.

Go sell a Manuscript sister.

SGD
dave

[Resha Caner]

Dec 16, 2012 16:51:49 GMT -5 newburydave said:

You want to punch the hearer in the eye ...

So the main purpose is to get their attention. If so, is the "plot point" the best way to do it or the "catch phrase"? My problem is that all single sentence summaries (I love illiteration) sound similar to: Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy wins girl back.

IOW, they all sound the same.

So, what solid sentences can you stick or string together to sell your story?

[fluke]

Dave,

Wasn't that Randy Ingermanson's pitch for Transgression? I highly recommend that entire series, BTW. It's called "City of God" and the other two are Premonition and Retribution.

Here are my recent one-liners for the spring collection.

"New Life:" A grieving miracleman exchanges his white robes for the green and black of necromancy.

"This Body of Death:" A rising-star necromancer discovers his mentor lied about his family's death and his own.

"Once Called:" Three hunters seek the world's most powerful grimoire, owned by the world's oldest vampire.

[Kessie]

Dave, thanks for the suggestions! I'm constantly practicing blurbs because I want to advertise to people quickly. This particular story is all over the place (that rotten first story always is, but it establishes the world's rules). The other ones are more focused.

[rjj7]

Gosh, I've tried and tried to get a short version of my story, but it has never turned out quite the way I want it to. But conceding the good points made in this thread, I'll take another stab at it. Here goes.

"A young man in a fantasy world throws himself on the side of a hero, only to find out that the villain is much more capable in every sense of the word."


Wow. That actually wasn't as bad as I thought.

[This Baron of Mora]

Using semicolons one can make a nice long sentence:

"And he stood before him (the Black One), Unvule; like a great shadow of darkness, as a mountain stood Unvule's form, as a mere pebble stood he before him, but he stood; standing there he drew his sword and from him shown the light of the stars in the midst of land where never sun has shown, in the shadow of Unvule, and that star then dreamed of the coming of the sun."

[stormiel]

Kessie,

I really like your blurbs!

Thats good advice. The way you do it gives the reader a lot clearer picture of what's happening. It also shows me another problem I'm having right now. I don't have a clear direction for the antagonist yet. I thought I did but after taking a closer look I realized that I don't. So its back to the drawing board for me

Dave,

Thanks for the critique. This is my first attempt at trying to condense the plot down to a sentence. I'm still pretty new to writing, and I've got a long, long, LONG way to go . Grammar is probably my biggest downfall. I'm working on it but its slow progress. Photons and electron current come much easier to me than sentence structure and punctuation. However, I see what you mean about the compound sentence. I'll have to keep working on it. I'm not too unhappy with it for a first try though.

I'm trying to learn, so I definitely need constructive criticism (which is a big part of why I joined the anomaly). Thanks for the input

[Joel P.]

Okay, so taking Dave's rules and Kessie's framework, I get:

With the multiverse on the verge of collapse, one man's actions are key to saving everything.

Eh. Needs work. (e.g. how can I work in the antagonists?)

Stormiel: I'm a grammar Nazi. Well, not exactly a Nazi, more like....a crazy writer who just happens to be very VERY picky about grammar. I'm sure there are others here who can say the same. Speaking for myself, I'd be more than happy to vivisec...erm...critique your writing. (for the most part, the folks over at the Sandbox are head and shoulders above my nit-picking ability)
I like editing 'cuz it gives me something to do when I'm between stories.

[Ranger Varon]

Okay, let me see.

This is based on the logline as describe in Jordan Smith's book Finding the Core of Your Story.
A cowardly teen wakes up in the dying dreamworld and learns the girl he loves is trapped in the castle of the shadowy Overseer, but he must fight his cowardice to challenge the Overseer's champion for her freedom.

[newburydave]

Kessie;

I believe you're right. I've read so much from both Jeff and Randy that I sometimes get them confused. (OIASE ).

----------------

Ranger;

IMHO if you chopped it off at the comma you'd have a workable E-Summary.

Upon reflection I'd say it actually summarizes your conflict, protagonist, antagonist and the conflict driver rather well.

It also sets up the parameters for the protagonist's inner journey (cowardly youth to a courageous man).


Functionally it seems to me that the two questions you want to leave in the mind of the hearer/reader are:

1. Then what happens?

followed by

2. Is this "conundrum" the heart of an entertaining story with writing transparent enough for me to care about the characters and want to see what happens to them? (That's the real reason people read fiction after all.)

The editors will examine your "Craft" (grammar, punctuation, logical structure, etc); a potential reader will just read a few pages and see if it grabs them.

To summarize:

The E-Summary or "Hook Statement" (my gloss on it) has one purpose:

1. With editors and publishing people it should make them want to dig deeper to see if they think they can make some money from your story.

1. With potential readers it should make them pick up the book (click on the link in the e-book environment) to read the jacket blurb and maybe the first few pages (download a sample of the e-book).

It's all part of the marketing progression. You are fishing for the people who are interested in your plot point, they are the ones who will be your customers.



Write on and let's get positioned to sell some books. Christian themes need to be read in order for the seed of Gospel truth to grow up into Eternal Life in new readers.

SGD
dave

[Ranger Varon]

Okay, so when I need the set-up without conflict, just don't the use the second part. Got it.