I'm beginning to think it is his attitude to loss. He has lost family and friends over the years, and he thinks he can cope by ignoring the hurt these losses have given him. Basically he is trying to self-heal instead of opening himself up and letting God heal him.
My problem is, if I write his character this way, I can't see how he can be a mature Christian (which is the role I have cast him in) able to help others receive grace. So, that's my dilemma.
Teskas;
I think you have nailed one of the most common "Existential Dilemmas" of being a Christian. (Yeah, I studied philosophy before I met Jesus.)
The first part of the problem is the idea that we can do anything positive by ourselves, in our own strength or wisdom. That is the main reason that we experience defeat in different areas of our lives as Christians, we want to do it ourselves.
We excuse it with inanities like, "It's too small a thing to bother the Lord with;" or "I think God expects us to do some things ourselves and not bug him with every little thing;" or selfish ideas like that. We tell ourselves that these are little things that don't matter much compared to the "BIG THINGS" like our public service and ministries. It makes us feel magnanimous to take some of the load off of Jesus.
(Well, am I the only one who's ever done that?)
When God opens our eyes we see that this is actually Works Righteousness, we think that we can do something to help the Lord out and perfect ourselves by our own hand. We want to earn something by right instead of being totally dependent on the Goodness (grace) of our heavenly bridegroom to give us the good that we desire.
What poor fools we are.
This is one of the most common excuses for not yeilding everything and our own selves completely to God; and it is the most common reason for our lack of victory and backslidings. We don't want to wrap our minds and hearts around the truth "Without me you can do nothing." It is only Him, in the person of his Resurrection Spirit, who can breathe life into the death of our sicknesses and failures.
The issue is not having areas of spiritual weakness or failure, that's how we ignorantly categorize it; the real issue is having areas in our hearts and souls that are still dead, not yet raised to life in Jesus. Our imparted righteousness is Him in us working his life out into this world through those areas of us that we have yeilded to him.
Trying to raise those areas of our hearts, minds, and physical existance to life by ourselves is carnal foolishness. He is our only Life, Strength and Wisdom. He's the only root and source of all our life, righness and victory; apart from him (in our own strength) we have none and can do nothing (right).
There is another carnal conceit that says "You have to be "Perfect" youself in order to preach to others, (minister grace, healing, etc). I say that this is a conceit because it assumes that we can achieve a state of objective perfection. Yet scripture and experience teach us that we will never reach objective perfection in this life. Does this mean we can't preach, teach or minister to others?
(NOTE: the term "Perfect is only one English partial equivalent of the root Greek word that the Holy Spirit inspired. Other partial equivalents which other translators chose for the same word are "Mature" [the one you mentioned], "Filled with the Spirit", "Entirely Sanctified", "Wholly Consecrated", "Crucified with Christ", "Resting fully in Jesus, nothing more nor less", "Perfected (completely filled) in Love (Christlike love).
The issue here that we misunderstand, the devil tries to hide and our depraved natures refuse to is that our personal relationship with Jesus is a seperate thing from our performance of our calling in him. Whenever "WE" truly minister grace to others (Help, encouragement, exhortation, comfort, warning, directon, etc.) it is not "WE" that do the minsistering it is God working through our unworthy lives and bodies that gets the job done. We are nothing but consecrated pipes, carrying the Water of Life to those who have need of it.
The second issue you raise, immature Christians being able to minster grace to others, is a conundrum that the church has wrestled with since Jesus went back to heaven.
I feel that the key to understanding this is being careful to not confound the "Action of God's gifts" working through us with our own strength and efforts/insights and understanding.
Immature disciples have ministered the Spirit to others from the very first days after Pentecost, in the old testament the Immature Prophets ministered grace to the people all their time.
God pours his life giving truth and love through us to reach others, it does not come from us; It's him working in us.
Are "Mature" (Perfected, Sanctified, Consecrated, Resting by faith) persons more likely to succeed in helping others. Perhaps. One expects that they will have learned to do nothing that would hinder or hold back part of the truth.
Your main POV can be "immature" (not fully surrendered) as evidenced by their sin of refusing to seek God for help, yet still be a mouthpiece for God to help another person when the Spirit leads them. That would be an example of the gift of "Prophesey" or "Teachers" or "Knowledge" or "Wisdom"; those are Him not us.
Well too long a post and too tired to think straight.
Maybe I can clarify later.
Write on all
SGD
dave